dealing with parent with ad

[alby100]

i am 39 years old and just over 2 years ago i found out my mother who is 63 has ad.
ad runs in the family, my mothers father died from this and also my mothers sister died from this at the age of 41.
when i first found out i thought we can deal with this, but as time has gone on trying to keep a full time job, look after a family and care for my mother , i wonder how i will continue to keep up with everything.
i feel i am losing the mother i knew, my bestfriend she is not the strong independent person she once was, roles have been reversed and i find it hard to deal with.
my emotions are all over the place , not knowing how to feel and what to expect for the future

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome to TP alby.

You do have a frightening family history of young people with AD and I can only sympathize.

Are you getting any help or are you the sole carer for your mother?

I do think you need some help for yourself as well as your mother. Have you seen your GP? You do sound as if you have more on your shoulders than you can manage, and your GP might be able to help you.

If you post regularly on TP, I`m sure you will `meet` many other people who are caring for young parents with AD. This is a very supportive site and there will always be someone here for you.

Please let us know how you get on, whether or not you see your GP and what help is available.

Take care xx

 

[Kate P]

Hi Alby and welcome to TP - I hope you will find it as useful as I have.

It is very difficult isn't it - I'm 29, I work and have a young family and for a while things were very difficult and stressful trying to juggle so many responsibilities. However, dad has finished work now and that's made things easier.

Are you looking after your mum by yourself? Does she live with you?

As for your feelings of losing your mum, well I think that's quite normal (as far as any of this can be considered normal). Personally, my sister and I have found counselling of great help as we have dealt with our feelings of grief surrounding mum's illness.

I'm sure you will find much help, advice and support here at TP.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Hi Alby,
You are where I was a few years ago. My mother was diagnosed at the age of 64. She was my best friend, my rock. All that has changed and I learned to cope with the changes. I can't tell you how, it's a process that just happens. The only thing I know is to face it straight on and educate myself as much as possible.

I started going to an Alzheimer's support group very early on and it was a great thing. I still go but recently I have started leading the meetings. Call the local chapter of the Alzheimer Society & see about a group. It is so comforting to know you are not alone.

Here on TP is another place for support and help. Explore all avenues.

Take care of yourself.

 

[Mameeskye]

Hi Alby

I post on this forum by default as although I was only 35 when Mum was first showing symptoms and 39 at diagnosis she had me later on in life (for those days!) so she was 69 at onset and 73 at diagnosis but I do know how you feel about losing your Mum to this disease. It must be worse that she is younger.

Mum was my best friend too. We had been there for each other through life's ups and downs, my Dad's death etc. We were very close, we had holidayed together too. Then she ceased to have any empathy whilst I was undertaking fertility treatment. It got worse after a successful pregnancy with twins and then I had a depressed Mum and twins to deal with amongts other work and financial problems.

It is very hard to find a balance. For me it came through accepting that I could not be everything to everyone. Safety was paramount first for my Kids and then my Mum. My children have to come first as they are mine and Mum's future thereafter Mum's wellbeing and then there never seemed time for any nice bits..but I have learnt to balance and have spent much time with Mum and more with my kids. Butb there has been a lot of grief at doing it without a person I had hoped would share my trials and tribulations and be there for me as I learnt the role of motherhood. Also I have learnt a lot about my Mum as I became a Mum and understood her as I have never understood her before.

(((((Hugs))))

Mameeskye

 

[alby100]

i thank you all for all your kind replies, it nice to know you are not the only one in this position. i have managed to get help for my mum, i have brought carers in most days. This has been a big help to me, as a find i can stop worring all the time.
Still trying to get my head around all this, when i first found out i was quite chilled about it thinking we can cope, certainly didnt think this through enough, i feel as if i have been hit by a steam train. Didnt think it would affect my life as much as it has, had to have a rethink.

Slowly things are starting to sort themselves out.