Girlfriends & Sweethearts

[Rathbone]

Verity, Lyn, Scarlet, WIFE, everybody who is so sad, I am sending huge love after catching up with this thread. You all have my absolute support through the ether, as ever. It's all too complicated to explain to those who simply will not see there is something wrong. He looks fine, they tell me. Hope you are both well! What do you b......y think? On and on with the amateur diagnosis and the "helpful" comments, and we are still in the early stages relatively speaking. I have concluded that if I don't speak to people on the phone, they can't say anything I don't want to hear; they can't have a conversation with a dead end. If people write me nonsense, then I ignore it and I remove them from the contacts list. I'm acting like a recluse, but, do you know what, I am feeling rather pleased at how I am protecting my darling man - and myself. To quote my Mother "The more I see of other people, the more I like myself". Oh, and just in case, you lovely cyber friends should think you are off my contacts list, there ARE notable exceptions - who will be with me for ever! X Shelagh

 

[WIFE]

Thank you all for your comments, concern and loving thoughts - we all know how hard some days are so it is a relief to "post" and know you are not going to be bored by all the "waffle".

Any stage of dementia in our loved ones is demanding and must try patience to the limit - I suppose as the illness progresses we become used to expecting the unexpected or abnormal behaviour and comments and are more able to take it in our stride but to be told by the man you have loved for many years "you will be free soon" is hard to take and live with but the next moment he is offering me his cup of juice in case I would like a drink.

A carer did tell me yesterday evening that he spends quite a lot of time these days when I am not visiting sitting by the bedside of a lady who is dying - she hasn't eaten now for over seven weeks - sometimes he holds her hand or just croons " , poor lady, poor lady" over her so maybe that translates into his present dying obsession. We discussed the possibility that he might think she is me - at that point I left for a huge breath of air.

Wonder how many he will have "killed" off today!

 

[Izzy]

Oh how moving. I'm sure that lady is feeling comfort from his actions.

 

[truth24]

Thanks Shelagh. Feel incredibly lucky to have you all. Please know that and I hope today brings some pleasant momenrs to us all. Verityxxx

Sent from my GT-N5110

 

[Hervieux]

To all of you wonderful people out there,I just want to say Thank You!Reading your replies gives me a sense of belonging,someone who totally understands each days crazy happenings,comments and loss of loving feelings.How we go on.... well,I don't know,but go on we must.I long for a proper conversation,a chat about past happenings but know it cannot be.I have friends who are out and about leading lovely busy,happy lives and me.......!Well,you all know about that,you are ALL going through the same.After 45 years we have nothing left and I want to believe there is a future but feel it is useless making plans.Oh I wish he would only WASH!He insists he has so what can I do.There are some nice Christmassy air sprays around,thank goodness.Sorry,moan over,now to see if he has locked the dog in the garden yet again!!!!!The look in her eyes when I let her in........ He just forgets........ As you all know and understand and no-one outside our magic circle will ever understand until they experience it in a loved one.Have a good day dear friends,still wonderful sunshine and glorious colours to be seen.Dark nights ahead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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[Rathbone]

Thank YOU Hervieux! Thank you for reminding us that this is indeed a magic circle! Don't bother with those old flesh and blood friends - too many issues, of the perplexing kind - this, as you say, is where you never have to apologise, explain, feel guilty, write back, physically do anything when you wonder how you will find the energy to take the next breath even. Always here listening and sticking our loving oar in! X Loving thoughts Shelagh

 

[Scarlett123]

With our arms linked in a circle, though each other, we can't see
We give help, support and succour, some to you, and some to me

All those friends we knew for decades, when the going was so good
Never phone, or write or visit when they're in our neighbourhood

And so many seem to think that things get better in a while
And can't understand our sadness, and the reasons we can't smile

As they chatter of their holidays, their hopes and plans and dreams
They just fail to see their once-bright friend is breaking at the seams

But on Talking Point it's different, and we feel each others' pain
Which is why we love to visit, this friendly site again

We cheer when someone's posting, that, briefly, for a while
Their loved one recognised them, and gave a little smile

We're happy if a poster, should mention on this site
That after months of begging, that, at last, they have respite

So we keep that circle going, with a chain that has no ends,
Cos on Talking Point I know I have a lovely group of friends!

 

[WIFE]

Hervieux - you have just reminded me of the days I used to work and left the dog's 4 p.m. meal in the fridge. Would often come home for lunch and find a very contented dog and no food for her in the fridge only to learn that she had been re-fed since breakfast any time between 9.30 and 1 p.m. I can laugh about it now but at the time it drove me to distraction especially as I had typed instructions in very large letters on card and even laminated it!

My husband sat all night with the dying lady and from midnight, her daughter who had arrived from London - the first visit in eight weeks. She graciously consented to let my husband stay in the room and her Mother passed away at 3 a.m. The Carers put him to bed at 3.30 a.m. and apparently he was up with the lark. My boy was back on form when I arrived - "what's the name of my new husband", "where do I live", he was concerned that someone has stolen the engine from his bedside table and could I speak to John (the maintenance man is called Gary) because he does not consider the hinges on the bathroom door are big enough.

Life has resumed its normal pattern for the time being.

 

[Rathbone]

I bow to the Bard, Scarlet! You are one talented lady!
Arms around you all, thanks for the succour. X Love Shelagh

 

[WIFE]

Scarlett - that is just so beautiful and so true. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have written it out for my purse and will treasure those lovely words especially when I feel particularly down due to the days trials and tribulations.

 

[LYN T]

My husband sat all night with the dying lady and from midnight, her daughter who had arrived from London - the first visit in eight weeks. She graciously consented to let my husband stay in the room and her Mother passed away at 3 a.m. The Carers put him to bed at 3.30 a.m. and apparently he was up with the lark. My boy was back on form when I arrived - "what's the name of my new husband", "where do I live", he was concerned that someone has stolen the engine from his bedside table and could I speak to John (the maintenance man is called Gary) because he does not consider the hinges on the bathroom door are big enough.

Life has resumed its normal pattern for the time being.

I had a bit of a lump in my throat reading about that Lady's passing. Thank goodness her daughter arrived in time-and the carers/daughter allowed your Husband to stay. Do you think the lady who passed recognised his voice? Perhaps on some deep level she was aware of him as he'd been sat by her bedside before.

Scarlett-that was brilliant verse.

Take care

Lyn T xxx

 

[Scarlett123]

Thank you, she said, eyes modestly lowered It's just the way things are on here, a lovely circle of friends, who all understand each others' joys and sorrows. I Skyped our son whilst at the Home this afternoon, he lives in California, and thank goodness, John knew who he was.

 

[WIFE]

That's lovely news Scarlett - that John recognised a familiar face even though your son is so far away. You must have felt uplifted.

 

[WIFE]

LYN - the Carers had not told me before because they thought it might "hurt" me but apparently my husband has been spending some time each day he has been able to - for quite a few weeks - beside the bed of this particular lady. If they could not find him at tea or bedtime they always looked in Grace's room first and more often than not he was either sitting holding her hand, lying beside the bed asleep or gently moving her things around the room. I wonder if it is because I did all the bedside sitting when his Mother, and mine were dying and something inside him said it was his turn. Who knows?

Apart from that event it is all systems go - the NH has just phoned to say my beloved has had an "accident" of the smelly kind following an "accident" of the falling down kind. Fortunately nothing much is damaged other than his carpet and a few more bruises to add to the ever growing "Picasso" effect on his poor old body and a large dressing on his arm.

 

[truth24]

As I posted earlier you are all totally amazing. Scarlett, how do you express so eloquently and in verse, what we are all feeling? You are one clever lady. WIFE, I'm so pleased your boy could bring comfort to an old lady - you must be so proud of him even if he is killing others off the next day! Had a good visit today so am feeling more cheerful. Loving thoughts to you all. Verity

Sent from my GT-N5110

 

[WIFE]

As I posted earlier you are all totally amazing. Scarlett, how do you express so eloquently and in verse, what we are all feeling? You are one clever lady. WIFE, I'm so pleased your boy could bring comfort to an old lady - you must be so proud of him even if he is killing others off the next day! Had a good visit today so am feeling more cheerful. Loving thoughts to you all. Verity

Sent from my GT-N5110

Hopefully things will now settle back into some sort of "routine" for you Verity. You must be relieved to be able to visit Fred again. So pleased for you.

 

[Scarlett123]

Any stranger reading these posts would think we're all part of the same family, the blood related kind. It's only the friends on here who know why I was thrilled beyond belief that John recognised his son's face - when he looked at his photo last time, he asked me who he was.

I worry, as others do, about everyone elses ups and downs, including the problems of Rathbone, LadyA, of WIFE's dear husband, but how sensitive he must be, to be able to sit with that lady. I fretted for truth when she couldn't visit, I'm concerned about Mrs Grey Lad's underwear, I agonise for LYN, and her long vigil with Pete - and you all do the same for me.

 

[2jays]

I worry, as others do, about everyone elses ups and downs, including the problems of Rathbone, LadyA, of WIFE's dear husband, but how sensitive he must be, to be able to sit with that lady. I fretted for truth when she couldn't visit, I'm concerned about Mrs Grey Lad's underwear, I agonise for LYN, and her long vigil with Pete - and you all do the same for me.

I dream about us all. I solve so many issues with CHC,SW,CPN's for everybody... Have all the right come backs to all especially snotty know it all invisibles.... in my dreams...

I just wish what I resolve in my dreams, I could actually do it when I'm awake....

Thank goodness for TP. We all do out bit to support everyone, even if we can't actually physically say what we would love to say face to face to CHC,SW,CPN's, invisibles.....

xx




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[Rathbone]

Good morning to the lovely TP Family. I wish you all a peaceful day in this collective life we are sharing. If we can do it in our dreams, 2Jays, we can do it in the waking time - the love that we all give and draw upon is known to move mountains. Lets shift some rock! Loving thoughts to you all. X Shelagh

 

[Izzy]

Wishing you a peaceful day too Shelagh. x