driving

Hervieux

Registered User
Mar 31, 2014
32
0
South Wiltshire
I appreciate that living with a condition in terms of actually having the condition puts anyone in a special position. However those of us living with someone close with Alzheimer's most certainly 'live with the condition' often with more awareness of what is happening than the actual sufferer.

Well said Malc,big hugs to you.To lose your companion so early must be truly devastating.My husband is 72 and that is bad enough,all retirement plans gone forever,but 44........wow..".how DO you cope?I know,you DO,and MUST,but even so........xxxxxx


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malc

Registered User
Aug 15, 2012
353
0
north east lincolnshire
Hervieux,how do i cope? no idea is the answer,but what i do know is ,spree's thread has been rail roaded,because of my suggestion,which in my situation worked,it worked when i sold Denise's rover 216 automatic,then when i knew the engine had died in the fairway taxi,i parked it up down my daughter's to save the tears,Denise's life is in the here and now,no recent memories just old memories.
 

truth24

Registered User
Oct 13, 2013
5,725
0
North Somerset
Do feel for you malc in your struggles. We were fortunate enough to have nearly 50 tears of happy marriage before my OH deteriorated so much that he had to go into care. The last few years have been heartbreaking for both of us, for him the beginning when he realised what was happening and for me the loss of my beloved husband over
the time and the sheer mental pain. Could cope with the dreadful physical caring part but the gradually rejection of me as his wife to become his worst enemy is still so painful that it hurts. So, yes, Tony, I don't know what it is like to live with this dreadful disease and I really admire your strength in not letting it destroy your life but please spare a thought for us carers too. We all have to devise our own ways of coping.
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trigger

Account on hold
Aug 25, 2009
138
0
Plymstock Devon
Do feel for you malc in your struggles. We were fortunate enough to have nearly 50 tears of happy marriage before my OH deteriorated so much that he had to go into care. The last few years have been heartbreaking for both of us, for him the beginning when he realised what was happening and for me the loss of my beloved husband over
the time and the sheer mental pain. Could cope with the dreadful physical caring part but the gradually rejection of me as his wife to become his worst enemy is still so painful that it hurts. So, yes, Tony, I don't know what it is like to live with this dreadful disease and I really admire your strength in not letting it destroy your life but please spare a thought for us carers too. We all have to devise our own ways of coping.
Sent from my GT-N5110

1. Originally Posted by malc
from experience out of sight is out of mind,move the car and in time he won't remember he even had one,i had to sell a perfectly good car when the wife was diagnosed,only to replace it with something with no connection to her.

I think malc’s statement may have been his experience of dealing with his wife that’s fine , but don’t then assume every person with dementia wouldn’t remember

malc words : move the car and in time he won't remember he even had one
 

malc

Registered User
Aug 15, 2012
353
0
north east lincolnshire
trigger,i didn't assume most people with dementia wouldn't remember,i assumed a lot of people with alzheimer's wouldn't remember because i've met a lot of people with alzheimer's who wouldn't remember,rightly or wrongly i made an assumption again from personal experience and it was worth a try in spree's situation,i've not just cared for my wife and father,i've done home care and been a participant in a memory cafe,also been a taxi driver picking up sufferers of all dementias and cognitive impairment,this thread was about how to stop spree's husband using the car,not whether i've correctly used the english language because i'm an emotional wreck with how bad my wife is with alzheimer's,could we please get back on subject,most people with dementia are tested for memory problems with the mmse test so actually it's not such a crime assuming somebody with alzheimer's will have memory issues is it.denise was memory tested then the spect scan and mri scan was after,"move the car and in time he won't remember" was more the fact of spend over a £1000 on getting the wife through her driving test,then £2000 on a car,arthritis then gets worse because of lichen planus,lose money when you sell that and get an automatic,rebuild engine,then notice memory problems,six months later wife diagnosed with alzheimer's,think lichen planus lesions hit the brain,to sell car and realise you've wasted over £4000 and your wife is really ill,what a kick in the teeth that was.i also totally understand why people who are suffering with dementia don't think they're that bad,i suffer with chronic sleep apnea,ptsd and possibly on autistic spectrum,i don't think i look that bad in the mornings till i get told i was smacking the hell out of a wardrobe at 3am,or when i get so blinkered on a project nothing else matters,i just think that's normal when everybody else thinks i'm obsessed.
 
Last edited:

trigger

Account on hold
Aug 25, 2009
138
0
Plymstock Devon
trigger,i didn't assume most people with dementia wouldn't remember,i assumed a lot of people with alzheimer's wouldn't remember because i've met a lot of people with alzheimer's who wouldn't remember,rightly or wrongly i made an assumption again from personal experience and it was worth a try in spree's situation,i've not just cared for my wife and father,i've done home care and been a participant in a memory cafe,also been a taxi driver picking up sufferers of all dementias and cognitive impairment,this thread was about how to stop spree's husband using the car,not whether i've correctly used the english language because i'm an emotional wreck with how bad my wife is with alzheimer's,could we please get back on subject,most people with dementia are tested for memory problems with the mmse test so actually it's not such a crime assuming somebody with alzheimer's will have memory issues is it.denise was memory tested then the spect scan and mri scan was after,"move the car and in time he won't remember" was more the fact of spend over a £1000 on getting the wife through her driving test,then £2000 on a car,arthritis then gets worse because of lichen planus,lose money when you sell that and get an automatic,rebuild engine,then notice memory problems,six months later wife diagnosed with alzheimer's,think lichen planus lesions hit the brain,to sell car and realise you've wasted over £4000 and your wife is really ill,what a kick in the teeth that was.

what does malc think these guys Norrms & Barry who after been diagnosed with dementia several years ago keep fighting the illness “ yes they do remember “

1. New Turning point in my life
Hiya, today my life takes a new turn. Today, I, a person with Dementia, become a mentor for others who have just been diagnosed with this awful disease. I will be helping others who have just been diagnosed with Dementia to get through exactly the quagmire of emotions and questions that i myself had to go through. There are many things i have done lately where i have said this is a world first, but this time ???

This will change the RULES and change peoples perception of Dementia FOREVER!!!!

I am so pleased to have been part off this groundbreaking website from day 1 and would please ask each and every one of you, no matter where you are in the world, to take a look at this and share far and wide amongst the medical field. You will see others, as well as myself, doing the same thing, who have all been diagnosed with dementia and all willing to guide the newly diagnosed with the help they need.

And who better top ask than someone who has themselves, been through the same emotions, the same feelings and the same fears. This website, and what we all do, not only moves the Goal posts but RIPS the RULE BOOK UP and we start again!! So please, this website is for anybody in the world who needs help and just needs someone to talk to. Timescales and languages will be worked out, so please tell everybody you know about this free service, just click on the link and take a look, hope we can help, Best wishes,

Norrms Mc Namara
Dementia mentor

http://dementiamentors.com/
What do you mean i have Alzheimer`s? IVE BEEN DIETING FOR GODS SAKE !!

1. A Baking Day
Sorry I’ve not posted anything on TP for some time but that doesn’t mean to say that I do not check out TP everyday and read the threads… the problem for me now is that although I want to write when I start typing the words have gone out of my head, most days I now feel as though I’m in a lonely wilderness and my mind is lost in a total emptiness…

It’s not like that every day as some days are better than others such as yesterday when I felt like baking although it now takes me a long time to make the simplest of products … anyway here are the results of my baking morning, quality might not be 100% but at least I can still just about remember what to do!!

Barry
 

malc

Registered User
Aug 15, 2012
353
0
north east lincolnshire
so that's 3 lucky people who can fight it,tony,norms and barry,look through the rest of the threads on tp and it won't take long to realise they are a very lucky minority if they can fight this disease,because what i've seen and read on here is sometimes heartbreaking,real life disasters being lived by real people,not getting in to an argument over my use of the english language or whether a minority reflects the majority of the poor people that are suffering with alzheimer's,dementia or cognitive issues,sufferers and carers both suffer with this.
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,958
0
Brixham Devon
Right folks back to sprees post;)

I was 'lucky' in as much as my Husband backed into someone else's car and drove off without leaving his details or phoning the police. Of course the police caught up with him a week later as someone else had seen what he had done. I spoke to the police and gave them the insurance details. Luckily no one was hurt and we never heard anything else. (This was before Pete was officially diagnosed). Pete was really shook up and didn't ever drive again. You see he had lost his confidence. Sad-but an easy way out.

Spree-how aware is your Husband? Can he be reasoned with? If so can the GP, or a Community Police Officer have a word with him? The news may be received better that way.Ask them to put something in writing so he has something to refer to.

As for the other posts on this thread; Tony, Norrms, Barry and others like Creative Sarah, Jean (Pookie) and Sue J and others, are all coping well with carrying on with their lives in a much better way than other sufferers can-that includes my own darling Husband.

In my own opinion malc has tried to be helpful by telling Spree his own experience. His experience is different from others but it was his experience Malc, like many others on this Forum, and that includes carers and sufferers alike, is suffering from tremendous stress and grief. To see such a young wife be swallowed up by Alzheimers is destroying-so I can't agree that 'unless you had Alzheimer’s yourself you haven’t got any experience of living with condition at all'

I haven't got dementia but I see my Husband's suffering everyday. Like Truth24 I see my Husband in his CH and it breaks my heart. So I do have experience of living with the condition. It's different from a sufferer-but it's still experience.

Spree-I hope the driving problem is resolved. The other remarks made on this thread? Well I think we will all have to agree to disagree.

I hope everyone has had good days

Lyn T X
 

trigger

Account on hold
Aug 25, 2009
138
0
Plymstock Devon
yes getting back to spree’s thread driving is down to the person taking the driving assessments ability to continue driving its a pass or fail remember the assessor has huge responsibility personally if a person with dementia passes this assessment they are among the top drivers in UK this should be compulsory test for anyone over age of 60

Driving
Some people with dementia prefer to give up driving because they find it stressful, but others can continue driving for some time. To continue driving, you must inform the Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA) that you have dementia.

The DVLA will ask for medical reports and possibly a special driving assessment to decide whether you can continue driving.

Read more about driving and dementia on the Alzheimer's Society website.
People with dementia must give up driving when their symptoms become bad enough to make them unsafe on the road. This is to protect themselves, their passengers and other road users.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
0
Essex
When John was told by me that he couldn't drive any more, that was the nearest we came to a divorce. I had been in the car with him, quiet local roads, but he no longer remembered to look both ways at a T-junction, and we narrowly avoided a bad accident.

This had happened on more than one occasion, and whatever John felt, there was no way I could risk someone else being injured or killed, because of his lack of awareness. Being in denial seems to be something that many of us carers observe in our spouses. I have seen so many TV programmes where some drunk drivers have insisted that they know their alcohol capacity "which is above average" - even if they have caused an accident!

Every carer on here is extremely aware that "one size doesn't fit all", and though we can frequently relate to someone elses problems, often something may be mentioned that we personally haven't experienced.

It's really hard, spree, to find a solution to this, but in my own case, I could not live with myself if John's lack of ability, caused a child to be injured or killed. For those TPers who have Alzheimer's or dementia, I admire the way they can express themselves on here, so eloquently.

But, in my case, I have a husband who is unable to write his name now, let alone reply to posts on a Forum. Yes, everyone is different, but the majority of spouses who post on here are doing an awful lot as carers, and are extremely aware of what it is like to have Alzheimer's, and it is unfair to say they don't.

Malc, my heart breaks for you. Like others have said, I have had nearly 50 years with John, and I cannot imagine your pain, grief and sorrow that your wife has been diagnosed at such a tragically young age.
 

malc

Registered User
Aug 15, 2012
353
0
north east lincolnshire
if a person with dementia passes an assessment they are some of the top drivers in the uk?some choose not to drive because they find it stressful?,who are the other top drivers then trigger a load of seventeen year olds that have passed there driving test also,some choose not to drive because common sense says that they might kill somebody,like i explained to my wife that when she drifted off for a minute, at 30 mph she would of travelled half a mile,which could be half a mile of carnage,we didn't need an assessor to know the difference between right and wrong,please!!!
 

trigger

Account on hold
Aug 25, 2009
138
0
Plymstock Devon
I wasn’t really talking about a driving test malc I was thinking of all the drivers in their seventies up to nineties who would have passed that test possibly over 40 years ago maybe up to 75 years ago and of those still driving its those with some medical illness who are asked to take a driving assessment and yes if a person with a diagnoses of dementia is subjected to that assessment the assessor will be testing them vigorously also we must remember the assessor has the final say
Memory: Reasoning Ability:. Concentration/Attention: Visual/Spatial Skills:
Behaviour: Diagnosis : & Function
:
and of course 2½ of driving on our roads in various conditions now that is difficult for any driver who passed their test over 40 years ago so “Yes” if a person passes the assessment they must be among the safest / best driver on our road ( as a matter of interest I wonder how many Non dementia suffers would pass: )
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
0
Essex
if a person with dementia passes an assessment they are some of the top drivers in the uk?some choose not to drive because they find it stressful?,who are the other top drivers then trigger a load of seventeen year olds that have passed there driving test also,some choose not to drive because common sense says that they might kill somebody,like i explained to my wife that when she drifted off for a minute, at 30 mph she would of travelled half a mile,which could be half a mile of carnage,we didn't need an assessor to know the difference between right and wrong,please!!!

You are so right malc. Even drifting off for a few seconds could cause an accident. I think one of the problems is to do with perception. Some years ago, I had Breast Cancer. I was terrified that I was going to die. I have had many friends, who also have had Breast Cancer and, like me, they were all terrified they were going to die.

I am sure there are women out there, who don't worry, who carry on stoically, and attend all their radio and chemo sessions, without concern, but I was not one of them. The women I know, who like me, found themselves planning their funerals, when they couldn't sleep, in turn, knew other women, who felt the same as they did.

The fact that we have some eloquent posters, who have Alzheimer's, is to be applauded, but as a carer of 11 years, I cannot relate John's incontinence, violence, non facial recognition, and complete lack of acknowledging danger, to theirs. I know what I have lived with, and to suggest that a carer doesn't know what Alzheimer's is like, does a disservice to the army of carers out there.
 

malc

Registered User
Aug 15, 2012
353
0
north east lincolnshire
firstly:an assessment is a test
secondly:surely your not assuming everybody with dementia is retired,heaven forbid we all took your thread literal and had a go at you for 2 days,some like my wife haven't hit the menopause yet and still have teenagers
thirdly:as an ex taxi driver who used to drive 100 mile to work,drive a 12 hour shift then drive home because i had to,to survive,put up with people trying to snort crack,people being sick,young girls(i'll leave what they were doing to your imagination),the wide boys that wanted a good hiding and every other idiot that ever walked the planet,i class myself as a good driver along with other taxi drivers,the police,ambulance,fire brigade,lorry drivers and bus drivers.
fourthly:just because you pass a driving test doesn't make you a good driver,it just means you are of a standard to drive on the roads,that's why 17year olds pay more for insurance.
fifth:it is nobody's divine right to drive,a car is a dangerous machine in the wrong hands,you wouldn't give a child a chain saw and ask them to chop a tree down for you.
sixth:i'm not a dementia sufferer and i regularly take the theory test and pass and would pass my driving test,i used to think i could drive till i did my first 3 shifts in a taxi,now i can drive,car hopping not a problem,10 minutes in anything and i'm comfortable,that's driving.
 

malc

Registered User
Aug 15, 2012
353
0
north east lincolnshire
scarlett123,your situation is one of the heartbreaking scenarios i was referring to earlier along with everybody else who's living with this disaster which is caring for our loved ones in a hopeless situation,we come on tp for help not abuse from people either blinkered or just haven't got a clue how bad our personal situation is,i raise a toast to all the carers out there,i'm sure we all could manage a drink or two.
 

angiebails

Registered User
Oct 8, 2009
227
0
crewe
scarlett123,your situation is one of the heartbreaking scenarios i was referring to earlier along with everybody else who's living with this disaster which is caring for our loved ones in a hopeless situation,we come on tp for help not abuse from people either blinkered or just haven't got a clue how bad our personal situation is,i raise a toast to all the carers out there,i'm sure we all could manage a drink or two.

Malc that is the problem. I have one to many drinks to try and blot out my stressful days.


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trigger

Account on hold
Aug 25, 2009
138
0
Plymstock Devon
some information for anyone that may need to be assessed

Driving Assessment
This page includes more detailed information about a driving assessment at Disability Action's Mobility Centre.
Why have I been referred for a driving assessment?
You have been referred to the Mobility Centre by the Driver Vehicle Agency for a driving assessment as there has been a recent change in your health that may affect your ability to drive. The purpose of this assessment is to help you to determine your current and future needs for safe driving and will take the form of a visual and an on road driving assessment. The Mobility Centre is a unit within Disability Action and is independent of the Driver Vehicle Agency (we are not a driving test centre). The driving assessment is not a formal driving test but an assessment to help people to retain their licence or return to driving safely. Our aim is to help you to continue driving.
The driving assessment will involve:
• Asking some questions about your relevant medical history
• Basic visual testing to ensure that the legal visual standards for driving are met.
• Using equipment to measure areas such as braking, steering, power and reaction times. This is conducted in our office prior to the on road segment of the assessment.
• An on road driving assessment. Your assessor will discuss the route that will be taken and fully inform you of what is involved. You can also discuss the route prior to attending the Centre.
At the assessment centre you will be introduced to the driving assessor who is trained in the field of mobility/cognitive impairments. Your assessor will guide you through what is involved in the assessment and answer any questions that you have. The assessment can vary in time and can last up to two hours.
Usually the driving assessment takes place in one of our vehicles but may be carried out in your own vehicle if appropriate. The driving assessor can discuss this with you prior to your appointment.

The purpose of the driving assessment is to determine your ability to drive safely. If you have any concerns prior to the driving assessment please contact the Mobility Centre where one of our driving assessors can discuss these with you.
What happens after my assessment?
• The assessor will inform you of the outcome on the day and will identify any recommendations or adaptations to your vehicle that you may require to enable you to drive.
• If you are not happy with the outcome the assessor will explain the procedure for appealing.
• The assessor will then forward a report on your assessment to the Driver Vehicle Agency to assist them with their decision regarding your ability to drive.
What do I need to bring?
• Current driving licence if you have it. Don't worry if you do not have it as the information we require will come with your file from DVA.
• Your glasses if required.
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,723
0
Suffolk
OH had a driving assessment several years ago, but he was started on a rig - pretend car with all the gadgets and a 'view of the road '. He failed because he allegedly did not press hard enough on the brake! I was furious at the time because I had been with him driving his pickup a few days before and he was fine. However, within three months I had to acknowledge that he would not be fit to drive.
He moaned about it and I wasn't allowed to get rid of his pickup for a year! Useful though for going to dump etc.
I think the idea was if you could master the rig, the examiner would take you out on the road in relative safety.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
0
Essex
scarlett123,your situation is one of the heartbreaking scenarios i was referring to earlier along with everybody else who's living with this disaster which is caring for our loved ones in a hopeless situation,we come on tp for help not abuse from people either blinkered or just haven't got a clue how bad our personal situation is,i raise a toast to all the carers out there,i'm sure we all could manage a drink or two.

Bad, it may be, but at least I had decades of a happy marriage, with just the usual ups and downs. As you've said in a previous post, your wife hasn't even gone through the menopause yet, and I cannot even imagine what life must be like for you. Stay strong, my friend.
 

spree

Registered User
Jun 25, 2014
33
0
north wales
Right folks back to sprees post;)

I was 'lucky' in as much as my Husband backed into someone else's car and drove off without leaving his details or phoning the police. Of course the police caught up with him a week later as someone else had seen what he had done. I spoke to the police and gave them the insurance details. Luckily no one was hurt and we never heard anything else. (This was before Pete was officially diagnosed). Pete was really shook up and didn't ever drive again. You see he had lost his confidence. Sad-but an easy way out.

Spree-how aware is your Husband? Can he be reasoned with? If so can the GP, or a Community Police Officer have a word with him? The news may be received better that way.Ask them to put something in writing so he has something to refer to.

As for the other posts on this thread; Tony, Norrms, Barry and others like Creative Sarah, Jean (Pookie) and Sue J and others, are all coping well with carrying on with their lives in a much better way than other sufferers can-that includes my own darling Husband.

In my own opinion malc has tried to be helpful by telling Spree his own experience. His experience is different from others but it was his experience Malc, like many others on this Forum, and that includes carers and sufferers alike, is suffering from tremendous stress and grief. To see such a young wife be swallowed up by Alzheimers is destroying-so I can't agree that 'unless you had Alzheimer’s yourself you haven’t got any experience of living with condition at all'

I haven't got dementia but I see my Husband's suffering everyday. Like Truth24 I see my Husband in his CH and it breaks my heart. So I do have experience of living with the condition. It's different from a sufferer-but it's still experience.

Spree-I hope the driving problem is resolved. The other remarks made on this thread? Well I think we will all have to agree to disagree.

I hope everyone has had good days

Lyn T X

thanks lyntx my husband does not remember the doctor coming to see him nevermind him saying he should not drive, do not understand there scale but said he has gone down from 18 to 8 on his memory test and very rarely remembers my name so difficult to reason with, but should not drive again, driving was his last bit of independence left to him but it is for his own safety and safety of others he doesnot drive again I will just have to persevere and keep reminding him and keep keys away from him , thank you everyone for all your help