She refuses to take pills, she minimizes her food intake

[Vesnina2]

It takes hours to give her pills in the morning, some breakfast,
something in the evening.

The carer I hire gets insulted on my mother's refusals
and I am looking for a new one.

I was not coming here for weeks as we had other health problems
(anemia etc, and doctors generally refuse to talk to me alone,
it is difficult to bring mother to them...), so I forgot my (Vesnina) password.
Now she is getting weaker and weaker again.
The carer says it must be "she wants to be with you all the time".
And I must go to work at least part of the day.
Also the quantity of work I manage to do at home is shrinking...

Ayayayay...

 

[Vesnina2]

Well, some more music and good-morning songs, and pills are taken.
Thank you for your help and support, thank you very much:
sometimes it is precious just to know you are here.
Excuse me for coming here to cry...
Best wishes!!!

 

[Witzend]

I am so sorry, Vesnina. It is very hard for carers if your mother is refusing her medication, since they can't very well force her to take it. Is the medication absolutely essential? It must be stressful for your mother, too, if she is having to go through a long daily session of being persuaded or cajoled into something she doesn't want. Can the medication perhaps be put into a food she particularly likes? Though I know this will not necessarily work if the person is eating very little anyway, or if there is a strong or bitter taste.

 

[AlsoConfused]

Hi Vesnina

So sorry to hear of the problems you and the carers have in getting your Mum to take her medication. We have a constant battle with Mum over the same issue - it's sheer hell.

 

[Vesnina2]

Many thanks for your response and support.

There is no food she likes - it seems now.
She eats like a small bird, it must be that only Ensure and Fresubin give her some strength.

After various trials today I succeeded with pills and some breakfast,
but other carers have no patience or skills to give her food...
Untill now. I hope for the better )))

 

[LYN T]

When my Husband was at home he went through a phase of refusing his meds. So, I offered -he refused-I got some success in offering them later (not always though). Very difficult to do if you have to be at work at a certain time.

I hope you have some success with the meds and new carers

Take care

Lyn T

 

[Vesnina2]

This evening she explained she wanted me to give her pill to someone else,
someone who would need it more.
- Who would that be?
- M.
- Well, I give one pill to him, and one to you - this one is here just for you.

In other words I search for reasons, more or less reasonable,
and try to give appropriate explanations...
but it becomes difficult if she does not speak at all like this morning...

Thank you, dear Lyn T! Thank you very much!

 

[cheeky1]

Well, some more music and good-morning songs, and pills are taken.
Thank you for your help and support, thank you very much:
sometimes it is precious just to know you are here.
Excuse me for coming here to cry...
Best wishes!!!

If Dad (later stage az) refuses I try again if he refuses again I respect his wishes.Before he was diagnosed he hadnt picked up a prescription for 8 months and I found about a years worth of meds all over the house.Since diagnoses(2 yrs) hes been ok until about a month ago I personally think he chose to stop medication 3years ago and to be honest I would to if I had this horrible disease.Take care x

 

[zeeeb]

I hate to be negative in this situation, feel free to ignore me and tell me I'm wrong. I totally understand that. But I think it might just be the last little bit of her fight to have her own way. She doesn't have much control of her life, but she is trying to perhaps control those aspects (food and medication).

I wonder how much good the medication is doing? And how much it is going to hurt her to not take it. Of course if she doesn't eat, she will weaken, and end up in hospital.

My mum has said for many years before she had alzheimers that she never wants to be kept alive (her dad had alzheimer's too, so she has always been clear that she doesn't want to live for any extended period of time with this disease). So, I guess, in my mind, I hope to not feel guilty if she ever refuses food or medication and I'll allow her that choice, as it follows with her medical directive that she doesn't want to be over medicated when she has a poor quality of life, nor kept alive for any prolonged period. I know that's easier said than done. But I feel exactly the same for myself. Me and mum have had so many many conversations about this scenario, and we are both on the same page. I hope, nobody tries to force me to eat or forces me to have medications to keep me alive if I ever end up in the same predicament.

 

[Pickles53]

I hate to be negative in this situation, feel free to ignore me and tell me I'm wrong. I totally understand that. But I think it might just be the last little bit of her fight to have her own way. She doesn't have much control of her life, but she is trying to perhaps control those aspects (food and medication).

I wonder how much good the medication is doing? And how much it is going to hurt her to not take it. Of course if she doesn't eat, she will weaken, and end up in hospital.

My mum has said for many years before she had alzheimers that she never wants to be kept alive (her dad had alzheimer's too, so she has always been clear that she doesn't want to live for any extended period of time with this disease). So, I guess, in my mind, I hope to not feel guilty if she ever refuses food or medication and I'll allow her that choice, as it follows with her medical directive that she doesn't want to be over medicated when she has a poor quality of life, nor kept alive for any prolonged period. I know that's easier said than done. But I feel exactly the same for myself. Me and mum have had so many many conversations about this scenario, and we are both on the same page. I hope, nobody tries to force me to eat or forces me to have medications to keep me alive if I ever end up in the same predicament.

Although mum is not refusing medication, she is eating/drinking very little and I think she is very like your mum in not wanting to continue with what she sees as a poor quality if life. Not that it makes it easier to see her getting frailer every week....

 

[sjcares]

Hi All,

My mother is now in a care home and she also refusing her meds. Alas it is the disease that affects there refusal of meds, drink, and food and is very worrying for all concerned. I watched a explanation of this fact by a dementia expert Teepa Snow. She explains what part of the brain effects this and other behaviours caused by this cruel illness. Hope it helps Love and hugs to all. PS. I've post the web address to watch this lady she is very good and helps carers in the US, http://youtu.be/d7m817SHa1w They are many more you can watch, This lady as help me cope with this, and many other problems facing all of us due to this cruel illness.

SJ Cares.

 

[busiwork]

Its a horrible disease and the sufferers reactions can't be taken personally. I nurse full time my mother in law who has vascular dementia. We have good and bad days, weeks and months with her. She goes through stages of not wanting to take meds, eating little and not taking care of herself in any way...but you have to find the motivation that spurs them on. I know its impossible sometimes but I find the bribe of outings helps, apart from the worst of days, to give a little focus on the sutuation . Food is another subject altogether...we are in a good phase at the mo after having 2 months of practically refusing to eat anything of substance. I find the anxiety the worsecto deal with

 

[Shedrech]

Dad refuses his pills once in while, and gets nasty if pushed - no point in explaining or trying to talk him round that just feeds his agitation and leaves him with a negative memory so it's difficult to ask him again later.
I asked the consultant if it really mattered that he take his meds - he more than understood the problem. Luckily not taking them would not be life threatening. So the consultant told me not to go to war over it and to take the line of least resistance. Just pointing out that if they were not taken, to ignore them and then continue as usual.
So I am reassured. Now I tell dad that it's time to rake his pills; how many there are; what to do and that I have a glass of water to swallow them with. If he refuses, I repeat this ONCE only then back off, saying 'That's OK, I will take them away'. I then try again in another place a short time later.
So far so good.
But if he still refuses in the future, I will just drop the idea completely.
The consultant was right, the battle was horrible for both of us, and not worth creating such bad feeling. And this way dad still feels in control.

I realise some pills have to be taken - but check with the doctor about your mum's?

For the eating - I don't have much to offer. Maybe think of easily spooned food that your mum enjoyed when she was a child - eg my dad likes jelly and ice cream, mashed banana and custard, rice pudding - or yogurt with fruit couli.

 

[Stuck.&.alone]

youtube

On my lands I just watched the youtube link and it is so in-lightening Thank you ever so much for sharing it ...
I have been caring for my mother w/o help from my sister for a year now and my husband and I see each other on occasion as I stay at my parents and we live 2 hours drive (one way) apart ...
I have been at my wits end as I not only deal with my mother of 84 yrs but my dad also of 91 yrs (he doesn't have dementia) he is legally blind and is stubborn and hard to deal with!

Hi All,

My mother is now in a care home and she also refusing her meds. Alas it is the disease that affects there refusal of meds, drink, and food and is very worrying for all concerned. I watched a explanation of this fact by a dementia expert Teepa Snow. She explains what part of the brain effects this and other behaviours caused by this cruel illness. Hope it helps Love and hugs to all. PS. I've post the web address to watch this lady she is very good and helps carers in the US, http://youtu.be/d7m817SHa1w They are many more you can watch, This lady as help me cope with this, and many other problems facing all of us due to this cruel illness.

SJ Cares.

 

[Sue J]

Dear Vesnina

It is so hard and your love shines through. I think the Teepa Snow videos are excellent and maybe it would help if you could get your Mum's carers to watch them? I find it very frightening when to think that people take things personally when I cannot control my brain
Thinking of you both and take care of you too
Love
Sue

 

[Mal2]

Problem Taking Meds

My husband would take his tablets and when I wasn't looking throw them away. I would hoover the next day and find tablets all over the place. After confirming with his Doctor it was ok, I now use a pestle and mortar, grinding tablets to a powder, (you can buy a tablet cutter, which also has a grinding unit as well, in any chemist). All the powdered tablets go into his cereal, yoghurt, mashed banana, no problems now. Hope this helps.