What shall I call carers

smailes

Registered User
Jun 26, 2014
76
0
Good evening, any suggestions for what to call the 'carers'.
At last social services have sorted out a Care package for my mother who has Alzheimers. Unfortunately she's in the 'there's nothing wrong with me, it's everyone else' school. She can't understand why everyone keeps talking about dementia all the time. But due to her not talking her diabetic medication and high blood pressure tablets it's left me no choice. She has categorically stated she doesn't want carers in, so any suggestions as to what I can call them?. I've thought that maybe I could say they were friends of mine but I'm not sure whether it will be the same people everyday. If it isnt I don't know how the 'friends' trick will work.
I truly believe she needs them but the SS have said that if she refuses then there isn't much else that they can do until she gets to the point where her needs are even greater.
I would grateful for any help on this issue, I'm hoping you have some experience on this one.

Cheers
Roz
 
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nita

Registered User
Dec 30, 2011
2,651
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Essex
I am not sure if this would work if your mother insists there is nothing wrong with her unless you point out to her that she has diabetes and high blood pressure, but my mother thought initially that the carers were nurses and she seemed to accept them as such. It depends if your mother has an aversion to medical staff and hospitals!
 

smailes

Registered User
Jun 26, 2014
76
0
I am not sure if this would work if your mother insists there is nothing wrong with her unless you point out to her that she has diabetes and high blood pressure, but my mother thought initially that the carers were nurses and she seemed to accept them as such. It depends if your mother has an aversion to medical staff and hospitals!

She herself was a carer for dementia patients and so this is very difficult. She'll know a carer when she sees one. I didn't know whether to just call them 'friends of mine' .
 

susy

Registered User
Jul 29, 2013
801
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North East
The carers that come round for my dad are called by name. So rather than saying "the carer" we say "Bert" or "Andrew" that way he seems to accept it better.
 

Oxy

Registered User
Jul 19, 2014
953
0
It might be an idea to get an agency where the carers aren't in uniform. They can hide their lanyard and be a 'friend' more easily.
 

smailes

Registered User
Jun 26, 2014
76
0
Yeah social services are sorting it so not sure who they will use. But no uniforms and Christian names would be ideal.
I fear this is gonna be a struggle. I fear all my hard work of getting an assessment, arranging meetings with social workers and numerous other appointments and meetings is gonna go down the pan as she really doesn't want to see what's going on at all. I just feel I'm wasting my time. I fear I'm gonna have to go through this whole process again when she truly has no say as she has lost capacity.
oh what to do. I never asked for this. And yet it's a lot more than I'm equipped to deal with.
Thanx again for ya help.
 

Oxy

Registered User
Jul 19, 2014
953
0
It would be better now for you both. She will probably, hopefully get accustomed to them if you get a kind empathetic woman who can engage with her. Total capacity loss is probably further away but elements of it appear periodically long before. Someone else may have comment on that statement. The illness makes them so unpredictable from my experience.
 

jaymor

Registered User
Jul 14, 2006
15,604
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South Staffordshire
How is she with the Doctor? If she is fine with him could you say her Doctor has to check up on their patients over a certain age who are suffering from high blood pressure and diabetes. It will mean visits from his staff to check on her and to ask her for her opinions etc. she may agree to be part of his trials or what ever you call them.

If she takes to them then they could say would she agree to them popping in whilst on their rounds to have a cup of tea with her. They can then offer to do things and hopefully she may agree.

You know your Mum best and if she does refuse then you can only wait until she either looses capacity or she agrees. It is difficult but there is only so much you can do if you are met with resistance.
 

Not so Rosy

Registered User
Nov 30, 2013
578
0
Dad wouldn't have Carers but he would accept Cleaners and Helpers on the grounds he was retired now. ;)
 

maf

Registered User
Sep 19, 2014
55
0
i'm having some success just mirroring Granny's response to the individual cares the one she like is "that lovely girl" the one she doesn't like is "that dreadful woman" but this is slightly different because they were already coming in when I arrived.
 

smailes

Registered User
Jun 26, 2014
76
0
It would be better now for you both. She will probably, hopefully get accustomed to them if you get a kind empathetic woman who can engage with her. Total capacity loss is probably further away but elements of it appear periodically long before. Someone else may have comment on that statement. The illness makes them so unpredictable from my experience.

That's one big issue with her oxy. She still thinks she is fit enough to go to work and even sometimes walks there, where they give her tea and have a chat but she sees that as going to work. I have tried to steer her away from work as it just adds to the confusion and have tried to get her to a day centre but she just refuses to go.
I only pray it's the same person on both visits and it's someone she's happy to engage with.
Thank you
 

smailes

Registered User
Jun 26, 2014
76
0
How is she with the Doctor? If she is fine with him could you say her Doctor has to check up on their patients over a certain age who are suffering from high blood pressure and diabetes. It will mean visits from his staff to check on her and to ask her for her opinions etc. she may agree to be part of his trials or what ever you call them.

If she takes to them then they could say would she agree to them popping in whilst on their rounds to have a cup of tea with her. They can then offer to do things and hopefully she may agree.

You know your Mum best and if she does refuse then you can only wait until she either looses capacity or she agrees. It is difficult but there is only so much you can do if you are met with resistance.

That sounds like such a good idea. I may adopt that one. Unfortunately our relationship isn't great so I'm not sure whether she will believe me. She would believe the doctor but I will certainly give that a go. It makes so much sense.
Thank you.
 

Nebiroth

Registered User
Aug 20, 2006
3,510
0
Home helps?

You could try to sell them as "just help that the government gives to everyone over [insert your mum's age here] for free"

If that doesn't work I would try to sell it as though your mum were doing the carers a favour.

"We all know you don't need any help mum, but these are young people doing work experience/desperately need the work so you are helping to keep them off the dole queue, just be nice and let them come in an do a few things - we don't want them to lose their jobs, do we? I expect some of them have families to look after"
 

maf

Registered User
Sep 19, 2014
55
0
That's one big issue with her oxy. She still thinks she is fit enough to go to work and even sometimes walks there, where they give her tea and have a chat but she sees that as going to work. I have tried to steer her away from work as it just adds to the confusion and have tried to get her to a day centre but she just refuses to go.
I only pray it's the same person on both visits and it's someone she's happy to engage with.
Thank you

that really very sweet of her former employers I remember caring for a lady who used to be a nurse every night she would get up, almost on the hour and a round of all the other residents. sometimes she would then come and sit in the nurses station. I wanted to get her a comfy chair installed there so she could sleep but it wasn't that kind of place.
 

smailes

Registered User
Jun 26, 2014
76
0
Home helps?

You could try to sell them as "just help that the government gives to everyone over [insert your mum's age here] for free"

If that doesn't work I would try to sell it as though your mum were doing the carers a favour.

"We all know you don't need any help mum, but these are young people doing work experience/desperately need the work so you are helping to keep them off the dole queue, just be nice and let them come in an do a few things - we don't want them to lose their jobs, do we? I expect some of them have families to look after"

That's another good idea not really sure which angle to cover now. I've left this a bit late really as they are due on the 6th October so have to think on my feet. I think I could use the medication check for the first visit and I may use your idea for the 2nd visit. Only problem is I won't know whether it will be the same carer twice a day or different ones. Oh well I just have to wait and see what happens and take it from there.
I have to say I haven't hot a good feeling about it though. I can see myself on here in 6 months going through this whole situation again
Onwards and upwards.
Thank you for your advice. I'll keep you informed on how it goes.
Roz
 

smailes

Registered User
Jun 26, 2014
76
0
advice please

Does anyone have any idea how I can gather information that my mother seems to have no recollection of having or receiving.
I am trying to apply for sheltered housing or extra care housing for her and there is a list of information that is required. Things like proof of benefits and pension. Tenancy agreements and other official paperwork that without it they won't process the application.
I have asked her for the whereabouts of theses things and she just looks at me blankly like I'm talking a different language. I think I am sometimes.
I do not have power of attorney or authorised access to anything.
Cheers in advance

Roz
 

Pickles53

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
2,474
0
Radcliffe on Trent
Does anyone have any idea how I can gather information that my mother seems to have no recollection of having or receiving.
I am trying to apply for sheltered housing or extra care housing for her and there is a list of information that is required. Things like proof of benefits and pension. Tenancy agreements and other official paperwork that without it they won't process the application.
I have asked her for the whereabouts of theses things and she just looks at me blankly like I'm talking a different language. I think I am sometimes.
I do not have power of attorney or authorised access to anything.
Cheers in advance

Roz

I think you can become an appointee for DWP pensions, benefits etc without having LPA. Not sure of the process, probably a form to fill in, but if you call them sure they can tell you.

Otherwise is it possible to have a discreet look around the house? Do you know here mum keeps important stuff? I was lucky that mum was always very organised so I was able to find what I needed relatively easily. It felt bad at first rifling through her stuff without asking her but I told myself I was doing it in her best interests.
 

Pickles53

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
2,474
0
Radcliffe on Trent
Does anyone have any idea how I can gather information that my mother seems to have no recollection of having or receiving.
I am trying to apply for sheltered housing or extra care housing for her and there is a list of information that is required. Things like proof of benefits and pension. Tenancy agreements and other official paperwork that without it they won't process the application.
I have asked her for the whereabouts of theses things and she just looks at me blankly like I'm talking a different language. I think I am sometimes.
I do not have power of attorney or authorised access to anything.
Cheers in advance

Roz

I think you can become an appointee for DWP pensions, benefits etc without having LPA. Not sure of the process, probably a form to fill in, but if you call them sure they can tell you. Would her landlord have a signed copy of tenancy agreement?

Otherwise is it possible to have a discreet look around the house? Do you know where mum keeps important stuff? I was lucky that mum was always very organised so I was able to find what I needed relatively easily. It felt bad at first rifling through her stuff without asking her but I told myself I was doing it in her best interests.

If you don't know where to look, would your mum be able to tell you? We had a secretive elderly relative with a huge house and told her we needed to know where she kept paperwork as we were executors of her will.
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,725
0
Hi Roz I had this problem with my Mum. I tried to use different words and it didn't work. It took about 4 weeks of just being clear that they were carers but they were popping in just briefly (an hour in our case) to check all was well as winter was coming on and we wanted to be sure she was safe. I always said 'just popping in' as she had some funny ideas about people coming to live there and throw her out!! It was a struggle but I just insisted and said that I needed her to agree because it was making me so worried I would be ill.
I don't think there is an easy way - it is such a hard adjustment for someone who is fiercely independent but I would suggest, stick with it, be firm and she will adjust. My mum now quite looks forward to the visits!! Good luck