Hi My mum has dementia and in a emi unit in a local nursing home. She was diagnosed three years ago and ended up being sectioned under 2 and then it was decided that she would not be able to go back home. Without me having to go into the whole history of what has happened (in my posts) I had to walk away from my role as a joint attorney due to threats against my home and myself. The result is no attorney. Last year social services were very aware of the family dynamics and very concerned about my siblings having control over mum's finances and said that they were applying to the court of protection to enable them to deal with mums finances. Mum has had no access to any of her money for 18 months now. Last November the social worker asked me for all mum's financial dealings regarding her bills and savings. In the beginning of February I emailed her to ask how it was going as mum needed new clothes etc and I could not afford to keep buying her underwear, shoes, socks, slippers and her sweets/biscuits when she had quite a lot of money in her bank. No reply so I tried again and no reply. I put it down to social services being busy! I called in the office and the receptions said she was not in. I then phoned and was told she had left. I asked for her new social worker and they said she has not got one. I asked who was sorting out mum's finances etc and they said she was under continuing care and they were responsible. I phoned the people who was paying for her care and they said they were only responsible for her medical care and it was social services who should be doing it. I contacted social services as mum has no one to access her money for her to pay for chiropody etc and they said it is all in hand and they will find out and get back to me. They did not get back to me so contacted Alzhiemers and they said to contact OPG. I emailed them and got a reply to say that the forms that social services sent were incomplete and been sat there waiting for them to send the required forms. This has been 6 months. I contacted social services again and they said "Wait for it" We will find out and get back to you. I feel that social services were really interested in doing this for mum until it was made clear that mum would come under continuing care so they wiped their hands on her. She cannot get any money to spend and I just cannot believe the lack of professionalism they have shown. Where can I go from here. I doubt I would get deputyship or would dare do it as my siblings would be threatening and my husband could not take it any more. I have found since mum became ill that no one out there seems strong enough to help people like me battling to do the right thing and having to worry about what my siblings would do and even the police do not want to get involve with family matters only after the crime and then you have to prove it was them. I am feeling quite disgusted with social services right now. My poor mum.
Who is responsible?
- Thread starter Jaycee23
- Start date
Is anyone an appointee for your mother? That would allow that person to access her state pension and that should be enough to pay for the sort of things you are talking about. However, I don't know how that would work out in your situation. You could push social services to become this: they wouldn't have to apply to the COP and it's fairly straightforward.
P.S. And I think you should register a formal complaint with the LA about the way they have handled this. The information should be on your LA website.
I think I'd threaten them with legal action and media attention and all the negative publicity that this will entail.
Email your MP as soon as you can, and then go along to her/his next constituency surgery. If you're still not satisfied that this will be properly and speedily addressed then imply that you will approach the media. If that fails then go to your local paper and/or TV station news dept.
I'm new here ...
and this is my first post.
Jaycee, reading your post makes me realise that I am not alone in feeling very frustrated and amazed at how Social Services keep failing to get back to me. It feels as if they are ignoring me. Today, as advised, I contacted Safeguarding and they filled in a form and said they would get a senior member of the team to phone me back. That was at 10.40am today and they never phoned me back!!
It seems that because my mother, who is 87 and caring for her partner who has dementia, is self-funding they don't want to get involved.
My Mum can't cope any longer but his family are refusing to allow him to go into a home.
and this is my first post.
Jaycee, reading your post makes me realise that I am not alone in feeling very frustrated and amazed at how Social Services keep failing to get back to me. It feels as if they are ignoring me. Today, as advised, I contacted Safeguarding and they filled in a form and said they would get a senior member of the team to phone me back. That was at 10.40am today and they never phoned me back!!
It seems that because my mother, who is 87 and caring for her partner who has dementia, is self-funding they don't want to get involved.
My Mum can't cope any longer but his family are refusing to allow him to go into a home.
Jellyhall I'm confused buy the paragraph that says your 87 year old mum is caring for her partner. It reads that your mum is self funding. I assume it is her partner that's self funding as your mum's finances don't come into it.
If your mum really can't cope and informs SS then they have to step in. If his family don't want him to go into a home then can she not tell them it's time they took over his care. Can't see that happening though
If your mum really can't cope and informs SS then they have to step in. If his family don't want him to go into a home then can she not tell them it's time they took over his care. Can't see that happening though
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So sorry to hear about your situation, which sounds very frustrating and alarming. I would recommend making a formal complaint to the LA, doing as much as you can to document your attempts to contact them and their failure to answer. You have to go through the complaints process and get a reply before you can take it to the Ombudsman. Once you've had your reply - and if it's not the reply you were looking for, you can take it to the Ombudsman. Their failure to appoint a new social worker, their repeated failure to respond to you and their extreme delay in responding to the court paperwork could be presented as a case of maladministration. Since this was clearly alerted to them as a Safeguarding issue, they were obliged to treat it more urgently. No matter what the funding and medical care situation, the LA has a duty of care for social care needs. Yet from our experience and so many on here, they seem to believe that if someone is self-funding or otherwise funded, that this duty disappears.
I can't go into the details of our case, as we are currently compiling our complaint for the Ombudsman, but we were in an urgent situation which we kept hoping would be dealt with if only we could impress upon SS the urgency in dealing with it. After escalating it to the chief executive, whose office sounded sympathetic, we thought that something would finally be done. We even went to the MP, who sent stern letters, but I'm not sure they even got a reply. Instead we faced more delays, even once in the complaint system, and half-truths and outright fabrications by SWs in response to the complaint.
So have everything documented that you can and brace yourself for a rocky ride. The Alzheimer's Society recommended we contact the Elderly Accommodation Council, who were really helpful.
If you have lost faith in the LAs ability to act on behalf of your mother, you could always ask the OPG about appointing a professional deputy. There is some information here on panel deputies
http://www.justice.gov.uk/protecting-the-vulnerable/mental-capacity-act/court-appointed-deputies
I hope that your situation is resolved soon
Dagne
I can't go into the details of our case, as we are currently compiling our complaint for the Ombudsman, but we were in an urgent situation which we kept hoping would be dealt with if only we could impress upon SS the urgency in dealing with it. After escalating it to the chief executive, whose office sounded sympathetic, we thought that something would finally be done. We even went to the MP, who sent stern letters, but I'm not sure they even got a reply. Instead we faced more delays, even once in the complaint system, and half-truths and outright fabrications by SWs in response to the complaint.
So have everything documented that you can and brace yourself for a rocky ride. The Alzheimer's Society recommended we contact the Elderly Accommodation Council, who were really helpful.
If you have lost faith in the LAs ability to act on behalf of your mother, you could always ask the OPG about appointing a professional deputy. There is some information here on panel deputies
http://www.justice.gov.uk/protecting-the-vulnerable/mental-capacity-act/court-appointed-deputies
I hope that your situation is resolved soon
Dagne
Both self-funding
Thanks for your answer Jess, sorry not to be clearer.
They are both self-funding. The house they are living in is my Mum's and he has not made any contribution to it ever. He has his own house that he bought for his son to live in. They also both have money over £23,000. I believe that his daughter has told Social Services things that are not true but of course we can't put our side of those things, because they are confidential so they won't tell us. There are some things that I do know that are not true.
Social Services just keep saying that this is a housing issue and don't do anything. We have now involved solicitors and as advised, have given him a Notice to Quit. We really didn't want to do this but after trying to find a gentler way for over two months and Mum's health getting worse, we have to do this. We have been warned that it could take 8 months to get him out. Meanwhile Mum can't cope. Apart from caring for him being a problem for her now, he has lost his sense of danger and keeps climbing up ladders (has fallen off and broken the coffee table) to fiddle with the light fittings, climbing onto chairs and changing all the clocks in the house to the wrong time by about 4 hours, moving and throwing Mum's things away. At 87 she is forgetful and doesn't know if he has moved things, thrown them away or just that she can't remember where she put them. While she has been with us, all her post was thrown away - luckily the cleaner who was going into the house to care for him, noticed it had gone and went looking for it finding it in the dustbin and retrieved it. There are so many things here that have been happening over the last year or so. Until then Mum was coping, but not any more.
This daughter is verbally and emotionally abbusive towards my Mum and shouts at her calling her names and asking why she is such a *****. The cleaner phoned me to tell me of her concern for my Mum. She can see Mum's health (physical and mental) going downhill fast.
Mum's GP tried to contact Safeguarding about Mum's situation but they said it is not a safeguarding issue it is a housing issue.
I have written so many letters and email and talked to so many Social Services workers (it amazes me how many there are). The Carer's Centre are appalled and have also written and phoned people high up in SS but still things haven't been sorted out.
It seems that Adult Safeguarding doesn't apply to people who are self-funding, which seems ridiculous. I am so stressed about this.
Jellyhall I'm confused buy the paragraph that says your 87 year old mum is caring for her partner. It reads that your mum is self funding. I assume it is her partner that's self funding as your mum's finances don't come into it.
If your mum really can't cope and informs SS then they have to step in. If his family don't want him to go into a home then can she not tell them it's time they took over his care. Can't see that happening though
Thanks for your answer Jess, sorry not to be clearer.
They are both self-funding. The house they are living in is my Mum's and he has not made any contribution to it ever. He has his own house that he bought for his son to live in. They also both have money over £23,000. I believe that his daughter has told Social Services things that are not true but of course we can't put our side of those things, because they are confidential so they won't tell us. There are some things that I do know that are not true.
Social Services just keep saying that this is a housing issue and don't do anything. We have now involved solicitors and as advised, have given him a Notice to Quit. We really didn't want to do this but after trying to find a gentler way for over two months and Mum's health getting worse, we have to do this. We have been warned that it could take 8 months to get him out. Meanwhile Mum can't cope. Apart from caring for him being a problem for her now, he has lost his sense of danger and keeps climbing up ladders (has fallen off and broken the coffee table) to fiddle with the light fittings, climbing onto chairs and changing all the clocks in the house to the wrong time by about 4 hours, moving and throwing Mum's things away. At 87 she is forgetful and doesn't know if he has moved things, thrown them away or just that she can't remember where she put them. While she has been with us, all her post was thrown away - luckily the cleaner who was going into the house to care for him, noticed it had gone and went looking for it finding it in the dustbin and retrieved it. There are so many things here that have been happening over the last year or so. Until then Mum was coping, but not any more.
This daughter is verbally and emotionally abbusive towards my Mum and shouts at her calling her names and asking why she is such a *****. The cleaner phoned me to tell me of her concern for my Mum. She can see Mum's health (physical and mental) going downhill fast.
Mum's GP tried to contact Safeguarding about Mum's situation but they said it is not a safeguarding issue it is a housing issue.
I have written so many letters and email and talked to so many Social Services workers (it amazes me how many there are). The Carer's Centre are appalled and have also written and phoned people high up in SS but still things haven't been sorted out.
It seems that Adult Safeguarding doesn't apply to people who are self-funding, which seems ridiculous. I am so stressed about this.
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Dagne ...
I am not sure if you were replying to Jaycee or me.
Probably, what you say applies to both of us.
Thanks Jess. I do get very upset and can hardly believe that we have found ourselves in such a nasty position. What a horrible situation for this elderly couple to be in. For the 30 years that they have been together his children have hardly had anything to do with him where as he has been included as part of our family. It is only since he started using his money unwisely that one of them (daughter) has stepped in. One of his son's was totally estranged from him for 15/20 years.
Jaycee, I understand how horrid is it when families start to argue about money!
I am not sure if you were replying to Jaycee or me.
Probably, what you say applies to both of us.
Thanks Jess. I do get very upset and can hardly believe that we have found ourselves in such a nasty position. What a horrible situation for this elderly couple to be in. For the 30 years that they have been together his children have hardly had anything to do with him where as he has been included as part of our family. It is only since he started using his money unwisely that one of them (daughter) has stepped in. One of his son's was totally estranged from him for 15/20 years.
Jaycee, I understand how horrid is it when families start to argue about money!
