Touching babies and children

[1954]

My MIL seems to have developed this obsession with touching/pocking babies and children. Complete strangers as well. Also she has started 'touching' men. Especially young men who to her look physically fit and handsome (so she tells me!). I could just die

I know there is nothing normal with this terrible disease but has anyone else noticed this too?

 

[Jaycee23]

Hi, just to say that my mum did exactly the same where babies and young children were concerned. I would take her to the supermarket and she would be very over enthusiastic with any children she came across cooing and smiling and saying over and over "isn't she lovely, sweet". I think it is part of the illness as she was never like that before. When my neice introduced her first great grandson, mum would not let him go and would not let anyone else hold him, especially me! I was always the one there to help her and do her chores but when she was in company I became bottom of the pile for attention.

 

[Mamsgirl]

Yes! Babies and toddlers! A couple of months ago my sister snapped at the gazillionth baby stop and said "I'm not looking at one more baby today!" To no effect of course I just smile, a little out of my comfort zone, and remind myself of how awful it would be if she thought they were evil aliens or something So pleased to see your particular blend of kindness and humour back on the forum, I've missed you! xx

 

[Rosie Webros]

Oh yes, I remember it well. My dad went through a stage, for probably a couple of years, when he would stop every mother with a child in a pushchair and talk to the baby or child. I would take my dad out to town or for a pint at the pub and I would find myself apologising all the time. Luckily people were very good about it and when I explained that dad had Alzheimer's they were all lovely.

I asked dad's consultant about this and he said that they think it is that some people with Alzheimer's remember their children when they were young, and that they think the children are us!

A lot of female sufferers also like to carry dolls around and they look after them as if they were real babies. It gives them a lot of comfort.

My dad has passed that stage now, he is a nursing home, but although I worried when he was going through that stage, I would love that time back now. It was only last year, but it seems like a lifetime ago.

All the best and I hope things get better. Take care, Rosie xx

 

[1954]

Thank you mamsgirl

The other day I made the mistake of stroking someone's dog. I didn't know the dog or the owner but the dog was adorable and we live next to an alley way where all the dog walkers go to the park. After I had stroked the dog MIL said to the man 'can I stroke you too?' and did a stroke on his chest I nearly died and mouthed 'she has dementia' through gritted teeth MIL said 'what a muscled young man and so handsome'. I wished the earth would eat me up

Lesson learned: don't stroke dogs anymore unless they are with ladies of my age or more

 

[Grannie G]

Hello 1954

Both my mother and my husband were attracted to young children as well and I`m relieved they weren`t attracted to personable adults. I can imagine how embarrassing you found it.

I used to carry small cards on which I`d written `My husband has Alzheimer`s` I would pass them to anyone who didn`t seem to understand our situation.

 

[1954]

Maybe it would be a good idea for me to do that i.e. cards with 'My Mother in Law has dementia'. I could make some at home and pass them to anyone that I think needs it

 

[1954]

By the way what do I say if she asks me what they are????

 

[stanleypj]

Thanks for raising this. It's interesting.

It's also the case, of course, that some people without dementia, young and old, take a particular interest in babies and young children - not in a sinister sense, I hasten to add. This often includes stroking, poking and tweaking their cheeks, for example.

It's not so common for these people to target men I guess. Perhaps it's an example of disinhibition - the people who don't have dementia might like to, but know it's taboo, the people with dementia have forgotten that.

 

[1954]

stanleypj

I totally agree but MIL never used to do it before. As long as this is quite 'normal' in dementia then I can at least be in the knowledge that all is fine. I think you are right about inhibitions because MIL would always have liked to touch men (by the way she used to talk) but never did but now of course she does a lot!

 

[Rosie Webros]

Yes it is a really interesting one. My dad would also chat up ladies when I took him out. He would get quite friendly with them, any lady that would walk past. And if it was a lady doctor, optician, audiologist, it was a nightmare for me. Apologising ten to the dozen!

What I noticed though, was that when dad was going through this stage, people in general are so nice and would tend to lead dad on thinking they were doing the right thing, so that would make dad worse. Nobody ever got a bit disgruntled with dad, in fact he got lots of kissses and hugs! Not that it would have made any difference if they had got annoyed with dad because he would have forgotten the day after anyway.

It went on for months, he doesn't do this anymore.

Take care Rosie xx

 

[Grannie G]

By the way what do I say if she asks me what they are????

You will need to do it very discretely, without her seeing.

Or you could pass the card saying `I think you dropped this`

 

[Delphie]

Oh yes, babies and small children became a magnet for my mum. She couldn't pass one without making a huge fuss. The other thing was overweight people, she couldn't pass anyone a bit on the larger side without some horrible 'look at the sate of that' comment (usually quite loud). She'd even stare at larger folks across the street in a real 'evil eye' way, and grumble to herself about how terrible they looked. I found it quite scary as she does talk out loud to herself quite often and I dreaded her really offending someone when I wasn't around to explain.

 

[Carara]

1954

My Mil Loves men too

Daughters boyfriend

She tries to get naked when he calls

Even though she has a onsie on

Actually I believe she always has loved men because listening to some stories from the past well lets just say she`s had me like

 

[1954]

Delphie

Yes my MIL talks loudly saying 'isn't she fat', I just want to cringe. If challenged she says 'I have an opinion and can say what I like'

Our friends tend to unintentionally 'feed' her obsession with men and 'smutty' talk I try to tell them but they just don't understand the situation

 

[Fed Up]

I wonder when society got so suspicious that an action of interest and confusion has become embarrassing and one we need to apologise for. You've done nothing wrong keep saying sorry and you'll believe you've done something wrong.
I like the cards idea and don't forget most people like their babies and children admired. Isn't it also nice and positive that most people try to chat on as they want to be compassionate that remark alone restores my faith in some human natures.
I also think the doll idea is great and in regression if it provides comfort that is lovely. My mum is not at that stage yet, and when she does I'd not hesitate anything to give her pleasure and relieve the torment of this dreadful disease.

 

[Pheath]

Yes, we had this also for many years. Dad would go up to and want to touch babies and small children and it was hard to stop him. It would really make him laugh and smile. Thankfully the parents usually sensed he was harmless and were understanding; we had very few bad reactions although when he did it with older children they weren’t always so kind and would sometimes flinch or give him the evils! It was a very difficult problem to avoid and we often ended up going on daily walks to particularly deserted spots to minimise the risk. Sadly, dad is more advanced now and much less interactive so barely even registers when a child is around. Even though it was an embarrassing problem at the time in some ways I actually miss how alive and reactive he was then – it was one of the few things that gave him real pleasure.
PS. just seen your latest post, ditto again - dad would often call women 'fat' something pre-dementia he would never have dreamed of. Seems all this must be common stuff, not sure that's any consolation to you though!

 

[meme]

I think touching men women and children is not ok for anyone unknown with or without dementia....sadly this is 1) how us English are 2) how we have been schooled re inappropriate touch ...so it's not ok, and a card/explanation is needed if it can't be prevented...

 

[Rosie Webros]

Oh Pheath, I know what you mean about wanting dad to be back there again. I wish I had that problem now. Just like your situation, my dad is not that interactive anymore, he would not know if there was a child around now, and they still do give him hugs at the home he is in but I don't know if he realises anymore.

At the time (last year) it was a nightmare and I didn't know how to cope with it a lot of the time, but I so wish I had that problem now.

And yes, my dad would notice fat people as well, although he would comment quietly in my ear!

Take care Rosie xx

 

[Witzend]

My MIL seems to have developed this obsession with touching/pocking babies and children. Complete strangers as well. Also she has started 'touching' men. Especially young men who to her look physically fit and handsome (so she tells me!). I could just die

I know there is nothing normal with this terrible disease but has anyone else noticed this too?

Oh, Lord, cringe cringe. No personal experience since my mother could hardly be got to leave the house - but others have said the same, certainly with babies etc. Could you carry a little card in your pocket saying, 'Sorry, my mum has dementia,' which you could show without her seeing? I seem to recall that other people have found this helpful and it would seem that most people are usually very understanding once they realize.