Alzheimers and Menopause, anyone experienced?

[zeeeb]

I went and saw my mum on the weekend. I hadn't seen her for probably six weeks, and talking to her on the phone I thought she seemed to be doing pretty well.

And what a mess! She was a disaster. Her alzheimers is still quite early on, but she is going through menopause (she's 58 next month) and she seems to be suffering awfully. I don't know what the go is, but when I ask, she tells me that the dr's aren't doing anything about her other proplems (severe back pain and menopause).

But at the same time, she's come off her anti-depressants, she is really extremely hot and cold. walking around a singlet and underwear outside in the middle of winter, and then rugged up shivvering and shaking. She is constantly groaning and grunting in discomfort.

She was in hospital with ?? anxiety attacks or something last week, where they gave her valium, and she refuses to take it because it's addictive?!* I asked about HRT therapy for the menopause and she just shrugged it off. it's like they (her and dad) don't want her on too many medications, but she is a complete train wreck. eyes are bulging out of her head, massive bags. constantly looks on the verge of tears. she's trying to go on a "gluten free / dairy free" diet on recommendation of a very expensive naturopath, when she is just incapable of sticking to a diet (proven over the last 40 odd years).

She's clutching at straws, but she doesn't seem to be able to listen to any advice that may work, and keeps trying ridiculous things that are simply not going to work.

I get that a diet may help, but it doesn't help when she goes gluten free one day, then has 3 pieces of bread the next day, a very expensive and pointless exercise for someone who just doesn't have self discipline at the best of times, let alone at rock bottom.

I can't for the life of me get her to go to my AWESOME chiropractor. I've been telling her for the last year or 2 that he is great, gets me from the point of barely being able to get up off the chair, to tip top shape in 2 weeks. It's almost like she wants to have something wrong with her so that she can expect everyone to do everything for her and listen to her moaning all the time.

I hate to be so impatient with her, but she isn't listening to the advice i give, so i must presume she's not listening to her dr's advice and trying all these other things that are unlikely to work for her.

Whoa, i'm glad thats all out!

 

[Jenijill]

Sounds exactly like my step-daughter! I've tried everything I know to help her but she just keeps 'ruminating' all the time about all her aches and pains and stress! Like your mum, Zeeb, I think she doesn't want to get better, then she has everyone's attention. Psychiatrist, social worker, CPN, GP - none of them can get anywhere with her!

I'd like to give up, but I can't of course, even though it's like banging my head against a brick wall!!

 

[zeeeb]

This is the 3rd of my relatives that has had alzheimers. My grandfather when i was a child, my grandmother inlaw is currently in the end stages at 96 yrs old, i've watched her demise over the last decade. And now my mum diagnosed at 57. Not only do i understand the gravity of her situation, I fear for myself and my 2 children who have alzheimers on both sides of the family. I live and breath it at the moment. It's most of what I think about day and night. It's hell for me to have to sit by and watch, and not be able to help, and I know that's nothing in comparison to what she's going through, and to what my dad is going through having to care for her and live with her every day.

I know she's going through hell, and i'd like to at least attempt to try and help on the things i can help with, but she won't listen. She is so depressed, but won't try a different anti-depressant, she just went off them because the first one didn't agree with her. it is common to have to try a few before you find the right one.

her podiatrist made recommendations on how to fix her foot pain, but she didn't want to follow them because she thought having a cortisone injection was going to be too painful, instead she suffers all day everyday, she can't stand up for 10 minutes without being in pain, rather than a needle that will take all of a few seconds of pain.

her "bowen therapy" and "phsyio" tell her there is nothing more they can do with her back pain, so I think she should try my tried, tested and true chiro, because I know he's good, and if he says there is nothing he can do, i will believe him over a government funded physio, and rather than just being someone random bowen therapy person out of the phone book.

I can't fix alzhiemers, nobody can, but if it were me, i wouldn't care how many drugs i was on, and how addicted i got, if i was comfortable for what is left of my life before alzheimers really takes over. she may have another good year left, she may have another good 5 years left before alzheimers takes over, i don't know. but i'd do anything to be able to be as comfortable and happy as possible now, because who knows what tomorrow brings when you have an incurable illness.

If nothing else, this illness is frustrating. All of us who deal with it get angry and frustrated... This is a place to vent for many, we don't need to aggression back. I'm venting here, so i don't vent to her, or too my dad, because they don't need it, they've got enough already.

 

[Chemmy]

Vent away, zeeeb. Some of us are more than happy to provide a sympathetic ear.

I have similar issues with my MIL (no dementia) in that she is determined to play the victim. She's not able to eat properly because she won't have her teeth fixed. My suggestions fall on deaf ears, so you know what...I've stopped making them. That way, I don't get frustrated and think instead, well, more fool you.

Your mum is still in control of her own life and even though her decisions seem misguided, if she has capacity, you just need to let her get on with them; in fact you don't have a choice, 'cos as you've seen for yourself, you can't actually make her do what she doesn't want anyway.

 

[turbo]

Hello zeeeb, your poor mum must be really fed up. Has she had her thyroid tested as bulging eyes and some of your mum's other symptoms are suggestive of thyroid problems. ?


turbo

 

[KingB]

There is currently no cure for Alzheimers - it can't be fixed. But that doesnt stop us from day and night trying to come up with things to help. I get the feeling that is where you are at the moment.

We went through similar times with my mum. She was desperate to get off all medication because we all thought some of the problems might be side effects from steroids, statins, etc etc. Turned out the meds were not the probem, but then she wouldn't take anti-depressants because they also have side-effects and she didnt want to do anything that might make things worse - and she got into a terrible state. We were clutching at all sorts of wrong straws. Sounds like your mum wants to try all her own straws at the moment, and doesn't want to try anything else at the moment - which is fair enough I think. Its very hard, but I think th at the moment you need to let her get on with that. It may be part of her way of coming to terms with things.

My mum's situation improved dramatically (for lots of reasons) when she went into a CH. She is progressing through Alzhiemers of course - but she is taking regular medication to help all her various problems (which include Polymialgia & diabetes). The situation has stabilised. Hopefully your mum will work through the options to a point where she is open to help and her symptoms stabilise - but it may take a while for your dad and her to really accept that she may need a lot of different meds.

For yourself I think you need to accept that she is not going to take your advice at the moment. Let her try what she wants to try, even make a few mistakes. Be there to support and pick up pieces for now. She may well get around to trying the chiropracter given time. Ditto the anti-depressants. Don't take it all on your shoulders - try not to give into frustration when she won't take your advice, she will rely on your support as times goes on - but just now it sounds like she and your dad need to work through things in their own way.

Re the menopause - its probs quite hard to know what is menopause and what is Alzheimers related. Hot and cold spells can be either. Is she taking anything to slow down the Alzheimers? I think that should be first priority at the moment.

Kris

 

[KingB]

no idea why a smiley appeared at top of my last post - it was not intended!

Kris

 

[winda]

Has your mother been tested for a thyroid deficiency?

 

[Chemmy]

Be there to support and pick up pieces for now.

Good advice.

I agree with the bulging eyes = possible thyroid problems, but you'd presume any GP would have considered that.

 

[Butter]

Good advice.

I agree with the bulging eyes = possible thyroid problems, but you'd presume any GP would have considered that.

mine missed it .... I was refered to rheumatology because I was swelling up and got carpal tunnel syndrome ..... consultant's registrar picked it up - and was bold enough to disagree with him in front of me .... so in fact my thyroid deficiancy escaped several doctors. I think - to be fair - they were worried about more dangerous causes of my symptoms

Thyroid is so obvious yet so easy to miss - and has a huge range of effects.

 

[winda]

mine missed it .... I was refered to rheumatology because I was swelling up and got carpal tunnel syndrome ..... consultant's registrar picked it up - and was bold enough to disagree with him in front of me .... so in fact my thyroid deficiancy escaped several doctors. I think - to be fair - they were worried about more dangerous causes of my symptoms

Thyroid is so obvious yet so easy to miss - and has a huge range of effects.

A friend of mine also had a thyroid problem which took a long time to be discovered.

 

[Chemmy]

Thyroid is so obvious yet so easy to miss

Gosh, that's a bit worrying. Because when you've seen someone with thyroid problems, it's physically so obvious.

 

[zeeeb]

thanks for your words everyone. I will mention the thyoroid when we see her dr. although i'm sure she had the full blood work up early on in the peice before they diagnosed her alzheimers.

I guess it's just hard to watch her running around in circles, because I want her to get the most out of what could be her last couple of years before alzheimers really hits hard. and at the moment, she's having a terrible time of what could / should well be her last few years of some kind of clarity.

She's so young at 58, and she could potentially have a couple of good years right now.

She was a nurse, and worked in aged care for the last decade or so, so she has already said she'd want to kill herself (lets not mince words with gentle things like euthanasia and assisted suicide) before she'd go into aged care.

She's already asked me to "do what i can in relation to euthanasia when the time comes". Although I agree with the concept, and wish the same for myself if i meet the same fate, i've had to tell her that it's not something I can be part of, because I have 2 small children that I'm responsible for, and can't risk jail in order to ease her suffering. My primary goal in life at the moment is to get my children safely to adulthood, everything else is second to that.

She's seen it all, over the last 40 years in nursing. she knows more than most about aged care, dementia, and dieing, so i'm sure that will be another big can of worms when that time comes.

 

[Butter]

I am afraid we often change our minds as our capacity changes. When we can be sure of killing ourselves we mostly don't .... then we bring others in when they can't help us. I'm sure part of us knows that.

Interestingly - or encouragingly - I'm not sure - when my mother, in a stage of every kind of pain and degredation, decided to die, she succeeded. She fought off all food, medication and liqued and died within three days. It took great strength and determination on her part - and I did not allow hospital and insisted on palliative care. That was not easy - we were in the UK.

 

[Chemmy]

I am afraid we often change our minds as our capacity changes. When we can be sure of killing ourselves we mostly don't .... then we bring others in when they can't help us. I'm sure part of us knows that.

I'd go along with that. My views have certainly changed over the last decade, having watched my mum.

Personally I think it is grossly unfair to ask friends/relatives to 'help out' in this way. Same as making them promise that 'you'll never put me in a CH, will you?" and "you will take care of your mother/father/sibling when I'm gone, won't you?" aka you won't put them in a CH either. You need to be free to make decisions depending on what their health dictates at the time. It's like saying, I'm scared of hospitals so just leave me with this broken hip.

And it's what gives the guilt monster teeth.

Don't make promises you might not be able to keep.

 

[Bodensee]

58 is so young

Hi zeeeb,
You mention that your mum is in the early stages of AD, she certainly is very young to have this, have you thought about putting her forward for clinical trials? There is currently one in Adelaide for a vaccine which is specifically for mild to moderate AD sufferers between the ages of 50 - 80. You never know this may help your mum, have a look at the raising awareness section on this website for the thread which I started about the vaccine for mild to moderate AD for the link to the clinical trials website which izzy posted. I would put it on here but apparently we are not allowed to duplicate links.

 

[zeeeb]

Thanks bodenese, i will endeavour to find out more about the trial in adelaide. feel free to pm me the link. I tried to pm you, but it said your inbox was full. Cheers, Kristy

 

[Tooshie]

Mood and Temperture Swings

Hi Zeeeb,

I could have written your posts too! My Mother has horrendous mood swings, and has on more than a few occasions became violent to me. But she has sufficient capacity to be clever enough to disguise this outside of her home. She tells lies to professionals, no she never suffers from depression, and is only 'anxious' about her state of health. After she went into heart failure in July 2009 in the local hospital, and had suffered discomfort for a few days, her cardiologist told her she was very 'stoic'. When I looked up the true definition I realised that coming from a medic, that is no compliment at all! However, she proudly tells everyone about it, taking it as complimentary that she relentlessly refuses to obtain medical assistance for serious illnessess (e.g. ignored fungative breast cancer for 3 years until it burst and she couldn't stem the bleeding, didn't tell a soul. And subsequently defiantly resists any head scan or MRI. Hmmmm).

What is insteresting is your remarks about your Mother's temperature swings, akin to Menopause. My Mother is 77 now, and she regularly displays huge fluctuations in body temperature. Yeah, one second she is wrapped in a shawl with the heating on and then the next all the doors are open and she is sitting in her vest. I think it is a little too late to attribute my Mother's symptoms to menopause as she went through that at age 51.

Again interesting that your Mother has had a career in nursing, so she knows full well the pack drill - or at least she did. This is denial in it's ultimate form, and must be very frustrating for you and your father.

I am in the same boat as you. We can see the practical way forward, and cannot imagine why our Mother are behaving so obviously off the map. It has been said to me many time, that my Mother will do things her way, and no other. As frustrating as this is, I have to respect her wishes, for as the other members have responded, she does have the capacity to make decisions at the moment, whether rational or not. What is devastating is the consequences of those misguided decisions and the impact and often disruption that they have on the family around them. We can only stand back, and support as much as we can, until unfortunately a crisis occurs to bring matters to a junction where a sensible path is chosen.

I hope things become easier for you soon, and yes, you are right that your children are your main priority. Enjoy every moment with them that you can.

Tooshie x

 

[Tooshie]

Personally I think it is grossly unfair to ask friends/relatives to 'help out' in this way. Same as making them promise that 'you'll never put me in a CH, will you?" and "you will take care of your mother/father/sibling when I'm gone, won't you?" aka you won't put them in a CH either. You need to be free to make decisions depending on what their health dictates at the time. It's like saying, I'm scared of hospitals so just leave me with this broken hip.

And it's what gives the guilt monster teeth.

Don't make promises you might not be able to keep.

HEAR HEAR CHEMMY! My Mother has thousands of irrational phobias about hospitals, doctors, dentists, solicitors, bank managers etc etc. She doesn't make any requests that I don't put her in a CH, rather rants about "You don't care what happens to me. I'm in the way" etc etc. My Daddy told my Brother and I that we had to take care of our Mother before he died 7 years ago. Unfortunately Brother copped out 4.5 year ago after she had her one and only rant at him to vocalise her displeasure at his behaviour. He hasn't been back since....

I make no promises - I just ignore the rants.

Tooshie x

 

[Chemmy]

Best response is, "yes, I will always take care of you/him/her. " - but only if you, as the carer, accept that taking care doesn't mean you have to do it all yourself.

Providing a safe and caring environment is the goal, whether that's in their own home or a CH and that's is a perfectly acceptable solution if that's what suits your own circumstances best.