Time out od sync

[vinvin]

Hi all

First time I have posted anything but needed some advice. Dr has just confirmed what I had expected mum has dementia and I just wanted a bit of advice.

Mum seems to be totally confused by time, a few times recently I have spoken to her after work and said I would be down the next day at a certain time, she has then telephoned me at 1am saying where are you I have been waiting all day for you! Also have arrived to take her out and she has been just going to bed. I brought a clock that tells her day of week and if morning/night etc but this doesn't seem to help. When I asked her to check her clock before she rang so that is wasn't night as we all had to get up for work/school she said I must be mistaken she wouldn't ring me in the middle of the night.

The other residents in her sheltered housing have said they have heard her go out at 5 or 6am some mornings. The answer I got for this was I was going to get my pension (post off 5 min away) but when I found the post office shut I came straight home no problem I didn't see anyone.

Sorry to waffle but wonder if anyone can give me any tips on helping her with time issue.

 

[Isabella41]

Hi Vinvin, unfortunately I don't think there is much you can do about the problem with time. Its seems to be a very common thread on here. My own mum gets up and wanders around at all hours. She sits and plays with the phone so we get calls at stupid o'clock. She too can't work out what i'll see you tomorrow means in real terms. She rings me up constantly asking why I havent come. No point in trying to show her she's mixed up. This only makes her mad. I usually say i'm running late and will be there in a bit. I tried marking things on a calendar, marking the clock face, leaving large written notes. I havent found anything that works so I just distract when asked.

 

[vinvin]

Thanks I will try the I am just running late tack. It's so sad I sometimes cannot believe my mum is like this now she was allways so busy allways out and about and busy.

 

[hollycat]

Hi vinvin and welcome.

Concur with Isabella. Alas, time, date, day, month, year etc are "foreign" now by the sound of things.

An example for you with mum, she had an optician and health check on the same day. We booked them both deliberately at 1100 and 1200 knowing we would have time to get her ready in the morning. We didn't tell her till about 1 hour before we left and even then we told her ONLY about the optician.

Left opticians and over a cup of tea advised about the health check.

Moral of our story.......LESS INFORMATION IS GOOD

 

[nmintueo]

I brought a clock that tells her day of week and if morning/night etc but this doesn't seem to help. When I asked her to check her clock before she rang so that is wasn't night as we all had to get up for work/school she said I must be mistaken she wouldn't ring me in the middle of the night.

The other residents in her sheltered housing have said they have heard her go out at 5 or 6am some mornings.

Maybe something like this:

... a device that activates when the front door is opened. It will play a message recorded by hubby (so its a familar voice) appropriate to the time of day either telling for example that its day its night time and to not go out or to remember his coat (big problem at the moment).

As for phoning you at all hours, don't know what you can do, other than switch your phone to voicemail at night, if you judge it's safe to do that.

Multiple phone calls - Some people with dementia phone their loved ones over and over again - particularly in the middle of the night. This can be very frustrating and distressing. The person with dementia may forget that they have already called, or may be insecure or anxious. If you are receiving repeated calls, it may help to get a phone with a number recognition display or an answerphone so you can decide whether you want to answer, and switch mobiles and ringers off at night. You may feel guilty about not answering every call, but it's important to look after yourself and get some rest.
Unusual behaviour
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/document_pdf.php?documentID=159

You could try putting a really conspicuous day-night indication right next to the phone.

See also thread:
Night problems
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?42346-Night-problems