Hello, Simon,
You once comforted me when my Mum was going into her first period of respite and MY sibs had called me 'bossy', controlling and similar because I had asked them to visit her while I was on holiday. Your words were a real comfort to me because I had almost come to believe that what they were saying was true.
Well, almost 18 months have passed since then and several harsh words from my sis in particular which I took to heart also. When I look back over the time Mum was living at home and I was responsible for keeping everything together the thing that hurts most is not that my sibs weren't a support to me but that they actually made things so much worse by their argumentative attitude, veiled criticism and the suggestion that I was some way 'controlling.' They were in denial about Mum's dementia.
As others have said, unless you've lived with dementia you can't possibly understand. I think the severity of Mum's illness is finally dawning on my sibs-but not before I've had yet another 'roasting' from sis because she feels so distressed that Mum has had to go into care. It hasn't occurred to her that it's painful for me, too.
Simon, they really aren't worth beating yourself up for. Really they are not.
Everyone on here can relate to your feelings. We're all on this awful road at some point and we all know what a wonderful thing you have done.
Someone said that it's probably their guilt that makes them behave like this. I'm sure that is right.
They SHOULD feel guilty. But YOU shouldn't. You did what you could for your Mum because you care.
And in my book that's the most precious thing in the world.
Wishing you peace and comfort, Simon.
Maggie