My dad is being moved from the respite home to a permanent one and he'll think I'm taking him home. I don't know what to tell him, should I lie? I thought of lying and saying that the boiler is broken because he always has the heating on but I feel like a complete heel for doing so. Can anyone advise please?
Moving from one home to another
- Thread starter Morgan2
- Start date
Hi Mogan. This is a difficult time for you. Emotions are raised and you are possibly feeling a lot of guilt and anxiety. I know I was when I had to move my wife to permanent care. What will make this move less difficult for you, because in these circumstances what is good for you is what is ultimately in your dad's best interest. If you are stressed and exhausted how will this impact you, how will this make the move easier? Although I would always try to be honest in everything I do, I do not see a white lie coming from a place of love and care as being and with the intent of doing good as dishonest. This is a time to look after yourself, you need to be clear-headed to make the best decisions for your father.
Are you expected to move your Dad? If so can I suggest that you get someone else to do it then it is 'not your fault' I would also suggest that you tell him whatever will make him the least anxious about the move - maybe something along the lines of 'the Doctor wants you somewhere else for a while' and continue that line when he is in the new place.
We didn't move MIL from the hospital dementia unit to her permanent Nursing Home the OT did it and we didn't see her for 4 days after that to give her a bit of time to settle. All her notes from the hospital had already been seen by the home and we did a precis of her life for the new home as well.
It is hard but necessary and you will get through it - we all have to do the best we can for our PWD.
We didn't move MIL from the hospital dementia unit to her permanent Nursing Home the OT did it and we didn't see her for 4 days after that to give her a bit of time to settle. All her notes from the hospital had already been seen by the home and we did a precis of her life for the new home as well.
It is hard but necessary and you will get through it - we all have to do the best we can for our PWD.
I told my husband we were going somewhere different for lunch. I had arranged with new place to have lunch with him so it was partially true
When mum went from the hospital to a nursing home I didn't go with her, but told her she was going to a different hospital. Did I feel guilty? Yes I did, but it had to be done. The sad part was that mum had a lie radar that I could never get past as a child, it was sad that Mum accepted what I told her just proved to me that another part of her had been taken away by the dementia.
You will get better at "love lies", best wishes
You will get better at "love lies", best wishes
Thank you, I will use the doctor excuse and ask about having someone else take him. It's very stressful and knowing I'm not alone is very helpful .
