Day by day

[jennifer1967]

we had that done a few months ago and it was turned into a wet room with a chair attached to the wall. new sink and toilet. they had to knock a wall down between bathroom and toilet, take the bath out and put a sliding door on as my bathroom is very small. my husband couldnt get into the bath and they said it was dangerous for me too.
we have music on the morning and he tends to fall asleep and mutter in his sleep until i tell him to shut up where he laughs. he even answered the tv one day when he heard wheres the bin so he replied under the work top. yesterday he was snoring loudly over the music so i told him to stop snoring, he laughed, tipped his head back and started all over again.

 

[canary]

I ohpe the bathroom gets completed soon. How long do they think it will take?
Good that OH is coping not too badly
xx

 

[NaughtyNana]

@NaughtyNana Welcome to Talking Point. From your post it sounds as if you have total responsibility for your OH’s care.I am not an expert but am gradually learning about what help should be available, though it can be difficult to access. I would suggest that you contact social services to request a needs assessment if you have not already done so. Your doctor should be making regular contact regarding your husband’s condition. Even during covid we had occasional telephone calls to check up on OH’s progress. We also have yearly appointments at the local mental health unit who have responsibility for dementia patients. Some of the symptoms that you mention could be related to depression, so again a doctors appointment could be useful.
Do you have a POA in place, these need to done whilst a PWD (person with dementia- another acronym you will see here regularly) has the capacity to understand what they are signing.
If there are particular issues that you need advice on please start your own post in the - Partner with dementia area. I have learned so much since joining the forum and had some very useful advice.

 

[NaughtyNana]

@NaughtyNana Welcome to Talking Point. From your post it sounds as if you have total responsibility for your OH’s care.I am not an expert but am gradually learning about what help should be available, though it can be difficult to access. I would suggest that you contact social services to request a needs assessment if you have not already done so. Your doctor should be making regular contact regarding your husband’s condition. Even during covid we had occasional telephone calls to check up on OH’s progress. We also have yearly appointments at the local mental health unit who have responsibility for dementia patients. Some of the symptoms that you mention could be related to depression, so again a doctors appointment could be useful.
Do you have a POA in place, these need to done whilst a PWD (person with dementia- another acronym you will see here regularly) has the capacity to understand what they are signing.
If there are particular issues that you need advice on please start your own post in the - Partner with dementia area. I have learned so much since joining the forum and had some very useful advice.

Thank you for taking the time and trouble to reply. Our surgery arranged a needs assessment but it was relating to needs within the house like bars in the bathroom etc., but we haven't go to that stage yet. I don't leave him in the bath alone as I do fear he may slip. I don't have regular contact from the doctors ( just when I contact them) only regarding his blood tests for his heart and certainly no contact from the Mental Health Unit. The surgery are aware of his depression and he has been taking Citalopram for approximately 4 yrs. He does attend a Dementia Group but says he feels worse when he's been as there are members further into the illness than him and it depresses him as this could be is future. Yes we have had a POA since 2012 when we renewed our Wills.

 

[canary]

Our surgery arranged a needs assessment but it was relating to needs within the house like bars in the bathroom etc., but we haven't go to that stage yet.

That sounds like an OT assessment, rather than a needs assessment by Social Services. SS can arrange things like carers coming in to help with things like washing and dressing (as well as day care), but it sounds like he doesnt need help with that yet either.

I wonder whether he would get on better with something like joining a Mens Shed (google it to see if there is one near you), or a befriender from places like Age UK or TuVida? The befriender can do something like helping garden, play chess or cards, or take them somewhere they might like to go.

 

[NaughtyNana]

That sounds like an OT assessment, rather than a needs assessment by Social Services. SS can arrange things like carers coming in to help with things like washing and dressing (as well as day care), but it sounds like he doesnt need help with that yet either.

I wonder whether he would get on better with something like joining a Mens Shed (google it to see if there is one near you), or a befriender from places like Age UK or TuVida? The befriender can do something like helping garden, play chess or cards, or take them somewhere they might like to go.

Thank you Canary, I'm not sure what a Mens Shed is but I assume it's where men go to potter doing DIY, and having a coffee and a natter. My OH doesn't potter, garden or DIY or anything for that matter. He doesn't play cards, Chess or any games. His nickname is Lord Fauntleroy ha-ha. He would be very good at having a natter. He literally just sits and watches TV but that doesn't last as he is soon asleep. He used to be an avid reader and played golf three times a week, but those he can't do now and he no longer drives. He is spoilt by me, always has been so I can only blame myself, but he is lovely person. A Befriender sounds interesting as OH on a good day does take himself for a short walk and I can track him on his phone. Like most carers I feel dementia is also robbing me of my life and the people I thought were our friends don't even communicate to ask how we are let alone pop in to see us. Thank goodness for emails as we have family and friends in other countries. It's a lonely existence but I can leave OH for a while to pop out, but everything is delivered these days. I haven't been shopping since the beginning of covid. I have felt low for two days now though I'm usually a cup half full person, this illness can beat the best of us. Someone has shared that they cry for nothing, though we all know it's not for nothing, and that is happening to me. Fearful of the future and even worse how ill OH may become. I say may as it's not etched in stone that he will. See-my cup is always half full. It's really great to find these Forums as everyone can identify with what we are going through and care. Many many thanks everyone for sharing.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Cannot believe that it has been so long since my last post. It took a full week to fully install the new shower, loo and wash hand basin as our house is quite old and any work always complicated but it looks good and such a relief. Hubby is managing well and loves the shower. I miss my bath but needs must.
Hubby has also finally accepted that he can no longer manage the garden so I have arranged to have the grass cut once a fortnight, it’s looking better already.
His health is not great at present, memory no worse than normal but he is very tired, not helped by hay fever which he gets every year.
We have had a few family days which he thoroughly enjoyed but was tired afterwards.
We can go for days without any confabulation which is a relief and much easier to deal with if not a daily occurrence. Life is as good at present as it can ever be with dementia in the background. I miss my old ‘husband’ but sometimes, just sometimes he is there with me.

 

[Banjomansmate]

? Accept whatever good comes around when you can.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Thank you, @Banjomansmate. I really do, as we do not know what tomorrow will bring.

 

[Sue741215]

Thank you Canary, I'm not sure what a Mens Shed is but I assume it's where men go to potter doing DIY, and having a coffee and a natter. My OH doesn't potter, garden or DIY or anything for that matter. He doesn't play cards, Chess or any games. His nickname is Lord Fauntleroy ha-ha. He would be very good at having a natter. He literally just sits and watches TV but that doesn't last as he is soon asleep. He used to be an avid reader and played golf three times a week, but those he can't do now and he no longer drives. He is spoilt by me, always has been so I can only blame myself, but he is lovely person. A Befriender sounds interesting as OH on a good day does take himself for a short walk and I can track him on his phone. Like most carers I feel dementia is also robbing me of my life and the people I thought were our friends don't even communicate to ask how we are let alone pop in to see us. Thank goodness for emails as we have family and friends in other countries. It's a lonely existence but I can leave OH for a while to pop out, but everything is delivered these days. I haven't been shopping since the beginning of covid. I have felt low for two days now though I'm usually a cup half full person, this illness can beat the best of us. Someone has shared that they cry for nothing, though we all know it's not for nothing, and that is happening to me. Fearful of the future and even worse how ill OH may become. I say may as it's not etched in stone that he will. See-my cup is always half full. It's really great to find these Forums as everyone can identify with what we are going through and care. Many many thanks everyone for sharing.

Hi NaughtyNana - what a great name by the way. Just wondered if Golf in Society would be of any interest - it is a weekly 2 hour session of golf activity for people with dementia at a local golf club. - cost £20. My husband goes and they do a bit on golf range and putting and a bit on course. 2 lovely young men look after him and I just drop off and pick up. it is a charity started by a man who played golf with his dad during his decline and started the charity about 5 years ago and it is beginning to expand worldwide. Just google Golf in Society if interested to see if available in your area.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Just a rant, hubby has been a right pain in the nether regions all day. Would not eat and has just accused me of trying to kill him off. Big sigh. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

 

[Grannie G]

Sympathy @SeaSwallow

???For tomorrow.

I`m tired and drained by the heat and the thought of going back to living with those frustrations is not something I would want at all.

 

[sapphire turner]

Ah sending love sea swallow, and feeling your pain. Peace and love to all of us going through this xxx

 

[SeaSwallow]

@Grannie G and @sapphire turner Thank you both. He is sleeping now after a rather fractious shower, he would not go earlier and then said it was my fault because it was so late. Sigh!! Hopefully he will be back to what passes for normal tomorrow.

 

[SeaSwallow]

So, so relieved, OH seems much happier this morning. Long may it last as days like yesterday are so trying.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Oh dear, I totally lost it this morning. Hubby has constantly been complaining about the way the gardeners have cut our grass. As far as I can see it is fine and neither of us is able to do the job now. So this morning he got into a right bad temper, blamed me for hiring someone useless and started swearing. That’s when I lost it and shouted back. Now he is sleeping like a baby, and I am silently stewing and have a tension headache. Oh how I hate dementia.

 

[jennifer1967]

Oh dear, I totally lost it this morning. Hubby has constantly been complaining about the way the gardeners have cut our grass. As far as I can see it is fine and neither of us is able to do the job now. So this morning he got into a right bad temper, blamed me for hiring someone useless and started swearing. That’s when I lost it and shouted back. Now he is sleeping like a baby, and I am silently stewing and have a tension headache. Oh how I hate dementia.

oh dear, its very easy to do. i do it when im in pain and hes demanded things for me to do. neither of us can cut grass so my son and grandson do it. he knows not to criticise. if im doing something that he used to do, he will look over my shoulder and criticise until i tell him to leave me alone while im doing things. not that politely but he gets the message. you are only human and its hard to get the balance right

 

[SeaSwallow]

Thank you @jennifer1967.
OH still in bad form today. I think part of the problem is that he cannot get outside today as it is so wet and windy. I have spent most of the day sitting beside him, chatting or just listening but no matter what I do I end up in the wrong.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Memory is so strange, hubby has asked me the same question about five times today and then totally forgot what I said each time. But something that he really feels strongly about he will remember.
Thankfully he is in much better form today, makes life much more pleasant. But it is so hard to see the change in him, he was so confused this morning when he first woke up, but that gradually changed. What hurt though was that he said that we had had a fight last night and that I had hit him. I tried to reassure him that nothing like that had happened, and he just said, if you say so but I don’t believe you. Now he has forgotten all about it.
I would just love to have my old hubby back, I miss his funny ways and how clever he was. Though his old sense of humour still comes through at times.

 

[jennifer1967]

mine came back from mens shed and said there was too many there. he is the shed wind up but today he spoke to a couple of the men individually but theres quite a few new members. they are all doing hedgehog boxes that city farm ordered. he cant manage them but he likes male company