Dad now moved to Care Home

[Southern Girl]

Hi everyone,

It's been a while since I posted about my Mother making the very difficult decision to send Dad to a care home.

It happened today. Had Mum inconsolable on the phone. It's so hard to hear her so upset. I know it's the right thing to happen, and I know she will eventually recognise this, but how do you help someone who's heart is broken?

Any advice will be greatly appreciated. ☺️

 

[purpledaffodil]

I think the only thing you can do is to acknowledge that it is awful, but remind them that THIS is what caring and loving means now - caring is putting your Dad in the place he is safest.

The day I moved my Mum into a care home was the worst day of my life. Worse than the day my Dad died. I felt I had betrayed her in the most terrible way. If you read these forums - as I did a lot in the first few months - you’ll see as I did so many people say exactly the same things. I am a terrible daughter/son/wife/husband. It’s the worst thing I have ever done. I found knowing that those feelings were normal really helpful.

 

[Frank24]

Your mum is doing the right thing. No way could i have provided effective, safe care to my mum in the end stages of her Alzheimer’s. I was so grateful that the carers knew how to move her in the quickest most comfortable safe way possible. Please tell your Mum that she is making sure your dad will be looked after with dignity. And she’s actually doing a selfless thing x

 

[Southern Girl]

I think the only thing you can do is to acknowledge that it is awful, but remind them that THIS is what caring and loving means now - caring is putting your Dad in the place he is safest.

The day I moved my Mum into a care home was the worst day of my life. Worse than the day my Dad died. I felt I had betrayed her in the most terrible way. If you read these forums - as I did a lot in the first few months - you’ll see as I did so many people say exactly the same things. I am a terrible daughter/son/wife/husband. It’s the worst thing I have ever done. I found knowing that those feelings were normal really helpful.

Thank you for your kind reply.

She visited him yesterday and, as you have said, felt terribly guilty and was really upset.
I told her what you, and others have said, that she has done the right thing for her and him. I know it was the right thing to do, but I know it will take her a long time to accept that.

My Husband lost his Father 16 years ago at the young age of 67, and we had to deal with his Mum. This seems to be the same, and we know it does get better with time.
Thank you again. ☺️

 

[Southern Girl]

Your mum is doing the right thing. No way could i have provided effective, safe care to my mum in the end stages of her Alzheimer’s. I was so grateful that the carers knew how to move her in the quickest most comfortable safe way possible. Please tell your Mum that she is making sure your dad will be looked after with dignity. And she’s actually doing a selfless thing x

Thank you for your very helpful response. ☺️

She visited him yesterday, and, as lots of people have said, was extremely upset and felt guilty.
I reassured her that she has done the right thing, both for herself and him, but I know it will take a while for her to accept that.

Thank you again for your kind advice. ☺️