Refusing to go to planned grandchild birthday.

Shem56

Registered User
Aug 31, 2020
113
0
To just update on our outing. Hubby did come and we are here. He's calm and relaxed but it was a very close call. I'm going to have to think carefully how to handle future events.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,002
0
72
Dundee
I'm glad things are calm. I hope ou are able to enjoy the rest of your time there.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,451
0
Kent
Yes I`m glad too @Shem56 It was a risky situation, you decided to go and it worked out well.
Too late for today's situation but in the future I would suggest if he won't go, make arrangements for care at home and go without him. The grandchild has to be considered here, how disappointing for him to be denied seeing his Grandma.

I would never have left my sick husband for anything that wasn`t absolutely necessary. Nor could I have enjoyed myself.
Any grandchild could learn to understand a poorly grandfather takes priority over a party. It`s what helps to develop sensitivity in a soul.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
23,142
0
Southampton
Yes I`m glad too @Shem56 It was a risky situation, you decided to go and it worked out well.


I would never have left my sick husband for anything that wasn`t absolutely necessary. Nor could I have enjoyed myself.
Any grandchild could learn to understand a poorly grandfather takes priority over a party. It`s what helps to develop sensitivity in a soul.
i couldnt agree more. if my husband couldnt go, i would stay as well. i think we need to be more open with the grandchildren. how will they learn if we dont teach them
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,451
0
Kent
Could the Grandchild come over tomorrow, with birthday cake for grandad, and to show their best presents?
Might be easier with fewer people in his known surroundings.

Bod

This seems a really good compromise.
 

Shem56

Registered User
Aug 31, 2020
113
0
i couldnt agree more. if my husband couldnt go, i would stay as well. i think we need to be more open with the grandchildren. how will they learn if we dont teach them
This subject has raised lots of different feelings and views hasn't it. Things are progressive with this illness and perhaps next time will be an entirely different story I guess we have to make the call at the time. If there is a trusted person who can keep an eye on PWD then it's surely beneficial to the carer to have that time out. If not, then family will have to take on board this can't happen and understand.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,451
0
Kent
This subject has raised lots of different feelings and views hasn't it.

It has @Shem56 and shows there are no hard and fast rules. Nor do we know at the time of posting just how appropriate it is for the person with dementia to be left with another .

I hope the party goes well .
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
5,680
0
Midlands
This subject has raised lots of different feelings and views hasn't it. Things are progressive with this illness and perhaps next time will be an entirely different story I guess we have to make the call at the time. If there is a trusted person who can keep an eye on PWD then it's surely beneficial to the carer to have that time out. If not, then family will have to take on board this can't happen and understand.
It certainly has. Its interesting- views from different pespectives and differentpoints along the journey.

Dementai is never easy for anyone, carer, wife, loved ones or sufferer
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
23,142
0
Southampton
This subject has raised lots of different feelings and views hasn't it. Things are progressive with this illness and perhaps next time will be an entirely different story I guess we have to make the call at the time. If there is a trusted person who can keep an eye on PWD then it's surely beneficial to the carer to have that time out. If not, then family will have to take on board this can't happen and understand.
i hope you are having a good time and if there are others that can sit with your husband then maybe you can relax as well. i hope your grandson has a lovely birthday
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
11,754
0
Essex
It has @Shem56 and shows there are no hard and fast rules. Nor do we know at the time of posting just how appropriate it is for the person with dementia to be left with another .

I hope the party goes well .
I hope you enjoy yourself @Shem56 but I think you looking at getting carers in now. You do need a break

MaNaAk
 

DreamsAreReal

Registered User
Oct 17, 2015
476
0
Apologies if any offence given - and yes carers do make so many sacrifices and face a dreadful time. My own husband cannot see atm due to complex eye surgery and I depend on extended family for posting and all sorts. I was merely speaking up for those of us who have dementia, as only we can understand what life is like from the inside of a damaged and deteriorating brain
@Dunroamin I think it's very important to hear from sufferer's of Dementia on here too, not just the viewpoint of carers all the time. Your input is valuable, I hope this hasn't put you off of contributing. This is supposed to be a forum that provides support. Best wishes x
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,451
0
Kent
Thank you @Dunroamin

Your input is always important and you have never caused offence to my knowledge. We need as many people with dementia as possible to help carers understand how it is.
 

Shem56

Registered User
Aug 31, 2020
113
0
T
i hope you are having a good time and if there are others that can sit with your husband then maybe you can relax as well. i hope your grandson has a lovely birthday
Thank you. Its been lovely. Hubby has been fine. I think he is ready for home today though.!
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,451
0
Kent
I`m glad it worked out well for you @Shem56

I got agency carers in on the pretext they were cleaners and came to help me. It helped my husband get used to others in the house.

They encouraged me to go out and leave him with them for a couple of hours and it worked really well.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
Im glad you managed to get him there and youve had a good time.
I'm considering a cleaner for a couple of hours a week. Will have to think about it.
I started off with AgeUKs Help at Home scheme. They dont do it in all areas, but if they do I have found my lady extremely helpful. Two hours a week seems about right. They wont do personal care, but they will do cleaning, laundry, bed making, shopping and companionship. It was a good introduction for OH to get used to other people around. I now have carers come in to help him wash and dress and I also have gardeners helping me too.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
11,754
0
Essex
I`m glad it worked out well for you @Shem56

I got agency carers in on the pretext they were cleaners and came to help me. It helped my husband get used to others in the house.

They encouraged me to go out and leave him with them for a couple of hours and it worked really well.
This is a good idea from @Grannie G, @Shem69.

MaNaAk
 

JaxG

Registered User
May 15, 2021
787
0
I have worked out that my OH really can't cope with social events, he doesn't enjoy them and seems happier at home. I used to take him because I felt guilty that I was denying him a chance to see family and friends, but he cannot cope with social situations or unfamiliar places. He would become angry and unpleasant and it was miserable for him and everyone else.
 

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