I made the decision that my mother needed the intervention of a second care slot. I am not sure if my mother really wants this particularly as she has to pay for it...but I have agonised long and hard about this and she seems to be in some sort of agreement(for the moment) now. The reasons for my decision to instate a second 30 minute care slot into her day are 1) so that she can be able to be dosed 2 sets of medication which are best kept apart 2) because she seems more confused and forgetful of late 3) because I am again her sole family carer as my critical and invisible brother and his wife have taken off for another 3 month holiday on another continent, 4) because I sufferer of long term chronic pain and dysfunction which limits me.
My decision has been difficult, much like the first one felt when I instated the first single care slot , even though the memory clinic consultant urged me(and my mother) to go ahead and do what I thought necessary. My brother and his criticism and maybe denial of the situation and maybe also my mother's ability to practice hostess mode when she sees him have made things very difficult.
The problems, setting aside my difficult brother, which I have arisen in my mind about my plan have been, firstly, that I have to rely upon services who do not always get it right either. Over the past 6 weeks my mother has been receiving care from her normal agency at tea time and then also has had a "bedtime slot" provided free by the City Council which follows her hospital stay. This latter care only lasts 6 weeks and then finishes. One of the council care carers gave my mother the same 7 tablets which she had received at tea time from the agency carers instead of the 2 bedtime slot medications she was supposed to give! My mother takes some dangerous stuff including Edoxoban. At midnight the paramedics came out to her and she had to be admitted to hospital overnight because of the seriousness of the overdose!! Luckily she "got away with it" but the council care team did not seem to understand my concern and wanted to send the same carer back the next night!! (which I didn't allow). Less seriously within this same 6 weeks her agency, for whom she pays, once dosed the tea time and the bedtime slot tablets together and then another time failed to turn up until I alerted them about the mistake. What I am saying here is that I feel I must substitute my own efforts to deal with my mother alone for efforts to keep checks on the care agency. I know no-one is perfect and I am not asking ever for that. The error with the double dosing was the worst but it wasn't with the agency who will now be employed to do both of the care slots.
Then there is the problem about the cost incurred to my mother who doesn't want to pay(but can...for the moment) and the worry about the retribution which might come from my brother on his return. On Monday Mum's Memory Clinic Nurse came out to Mum's house to speak with both of us. She knew my situation and she managed to convince my mother that instating the extra care will be the best thing and made sure my mother knew that the downside is that she will have to pay for it. And 30 minutes is expensive as compared comparatively to an hour, because the travel of the carer is a large part of the expense. But I can't think of another way round it anyway.
So decision made. Plan ready for action but it still doesn't stop me awaking myself in the night with the words which arose somewhere from my subconscious - "I don't want to do any of this!". It also is all wrapped up in my chronic pain and my chronic pain is wrapped up in it. I am lucky to be on an NHS pain management course specifically concerned with Pain and Self Compassion. I am learning where my origins to pain and my connections to pain come from. I am grateful for this.
So I am wondering- Is each new care step as painfully difficult as this? Must I go through it all again with the next intervention? How do I get mentally stronger to deal with it? Thanks if you read this far. I am mentally processing(again) in writing it down.
My decision has been difficult, much like the first one felt when I instated the first single care slot , even though the memory clinic consultant urged me(and my mother) to go ahead and do what I thought necessary. My brother and his criticism and maybe denial of the situation and maybe also my mother's ability to practice hostess mode when she sees him have made things very difficult.
The problems, setting aside my difficult brother, which I have arisen in my mind about my plan have been, firstly, that I have to rely upon services who do not always get it right either. Over the past 6 weeks my mother has been receiving care from her normal agency at tea time and then also has had a "bedtime slot" provided free by the City Council which follows her hospital stay. This latter care only lasts 6 weeks and then finishes. One of the council care carers gave my mother the same 7 tablets which she had received at tea time from the agency carers instead of the 2 bedtime slot medications she was supposed to give! My mother takes some dangerous stuff including Edoxoban. At midnight the paramedics came out to her and she had to be admitted to hospital overnight because of the seriousness of the overdose!! Luckily she "got away with it" but the council care team did not seem to understand my concern and wanted to send the same carer back the next night!! (which I didn't allow). Less seriously within this same 6 weeks her agency, for whom she pays, once dosed the tea time and the bedtime slot tablets together and then another time failed to turn up until I alerted them about the mistake. What I am saying here is that I feel I must substitute my own efforts to deal with my mother alone for efforts to keep checks on the care agency. I know no-one is perfect and I am not asking ever for that. The error with the double dosing was the worst but it wasn't with the agency who will now be employed to do both of the care slots.
Then there is the problem about the cost incurred to my mother who doesn't want to pay(but can...for the moment) and the worry about the retribution which might come from my brother on his return. On Monday Mum's Memory Clinic Nurse came out to Mum's house to speak with both of us. She knew my situation and she managed to convince my mother that instating the extra care will be the best thing and made sure my mother knew that the downside is that she will have to pay for it. And 30 minutes is expensive as compared comparatively to an hour, because the travel of the carer is a large part of the expense. But I can't think of another way round it anyway.
So decision made. Plan ready for action but it still doesn't stop me awaking myself in the night with the words which arose somewhere from my subconscious - "I don't want to do any of this!". It also is all wrapped up in my chronic pain and my chronic pain is wrapped up in it. I am lucky to be on an NHS pain management course specifically concerned with Pain and Self Compassion. I am learning where my origins to pain and my connections to pain come from. I am grateful for this.
So I am wondering- Is each new care step as painfully difficult as this? Must I go through it all again with the next intervention? How do I get mentally stronger to deal with it? Thanks if you read this far. I am mentally processing(again) in writing it down.