Advice re. getting married

[Edurne]

Hi, this is the first time I write here, hope somebody can give me advice.

My partner of 21 years has Alzheimer and he is getting worse. We don't live together but I am spending most of the time in his house now, as well as working full time. I can see that I will have to move with him sooner than I expected, also I may have to stop working before my retirement age (in two years) since my job is very demanding and I cannot see how will be able to cope with both.
I have been advised that we should get married before is too late, but my partner cannot understand why that is necessary, and now I am not even too sure. Could anybody give me advice on that so I can try to make him understand? what is the advantage of getting married? will that make my life easier when I have to look after him? (we already have a power of attorney but people tell me that we should get marry too).
Any advice please?
Thank you very much
Edurne

 

[Jessbow]

Is he deemed to have capasity, as in understanding why you want to get married?

What difference do you think being married would make? You have POA, done your wills? Might like to do something about property ownership titles- ordont give up yur home, rent it out so you have a fall back position

 

[My Mum's Daughter]

If you marry, your existing wills will become void.

 

[kindred]

Hi, this is the first time I write here, hope somebody can give me advice.

My partner of 21 years has Alzheimer and he is getting worse. We don't live together but I am spending most of the time in his house now, as well as working full time. I can see that I will have to move with him sooner than I expected, also I may have to stop working before my retirement age (in two years) since my job is very demanding and I cannot see how will be able to cope with both.
I have been advised that we should get married before is too late, but my partner cannot understand why that is necessary, and now I am not even too sure. Could anybody give me advice on that so I can try to make him understand? what is the advantage of getting married? will that make my life easier when I have to look after him? (we already have a power of attorney but people tell me that we should get marry too).
Any advice please?
Thank you very much
Edurne

It depends and it’s mostly about finances. If married you could inherit some of his works pension. His state pension may possibly enhance yours.
Obviously keep your finances separate now and if married.
I think that’s about it. All good wishes to you.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

Depends on finances, family, etc. Being someone's wife just makes everything more straightforward than being their partner. Also consider Wills - has he left his assets to you or to his family? If he dies and you are living in his house, it could get tricky if his children (if he has any and they would otherwise inherit the house) want you out.
Get legal advice - a good solicitor can advise you of the pros and cons.

 

[jugglingmum]

I think the main advantage would be the ability to inherit pension rights. If there are significant assets there is also an IHT advantage.

He needs to have capacity to get married and I am aware that if there is any doubt the registrar is legally obliged to test capacity on the day.

 

[Edurne]

Depends on finances, family, etc. Being someone's wife just makes everything more straightforward than being their partner. Also consider Wills - has he left his assets to you or to his family? If he dies and you are living in his house, it could get tricky if his children (if he has any and they would otherwise inherit the house) want you out.
Get legal advice - a good solicitor can advise you of the pros and cons.

luckily none of us have children, that make that side easier. But since I may have to stop working to look after him, I would want to feel more protected (I don't even know what he left for me in his will, he is too English to talk about money!!) , and he does not seem to realise all I will have to deal with and arrange in the future, that is the worst thing about Alzheimer, one day he seem find, following day he is not the same person he used to be, so I have to remember not to get angry with him, he is ill.
Anyway, you are right, I will get legal advise. thank you!

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

If you are married and he has no children, you would automatically inherit the house and whatever else he has. You probably would get it anyway but it's not as straightforward if you just live together. If he's decided to leave everything to the local dogs' home in his will you could appeal that as his wife (and you'd succeed) but I'm not sure of the legal position for a live-in partner.

Definitely get that legal advice. With a bit of luck the solicitor can make him see the sense of it.

 

[Edurne]

Thank you for all the answers!

 

[Banjomansmate]

Once you are married you will not be able to change your mind easily about your ability or wish to look after him permanently once his dementia worsens. If you live separately you can go home to your own place at any time, which as any full time carer here will tell, you is a blessing.
I did not live with The Banjoman and it was very useful once he needed more support because Social Services couldn’t expect me to be there all the time for him so they had to help with support in the way of carers etc. because he lived alone.
Please do not underestimate the pressures you will experience if you move in with him.
If the property he lives in is his own and he deteriorated enough that he needed to move into residential care then you could lose your home if the house needed to be sold to fund his care.
Please think the whole thing very carefully before committing yourself to this step.

 

[canary]

If the property he lives in is his own and he deteriorated enough that he needed to move into residential care then you could lose your home if the house needed to be sold to fund his care.

If someone moves into a care home then their property is disregarded as long as the spouse is living in it, so it doesnt need to be sold.

I agree with the rest, though. Its swings and roundabouts.