I've looked after my husband on my own without a break for the past eight years, but recently arranged a week's respite care for last week so that I could attend a family birthday weekend 150 miles away. It took much persuasion by Social Services but he finally agreed to go. On the day he was fine up until the point he entered his room, when it started going pearshaped. He lay on the bed, glaring up at the ceiling, refusing to speak or to go back downstairs to the communal areas and gardens. After about half an hour I eventually had no option but to leave, with staff assuring me that he would be fine. I phoned several times over the next few days and a neighbour visited; all reported that he was okay.
I went to pick him up at the end of his stay and he burst into tears as soon as he saw me, cried all the way home and for the past three days has been following me around, crying, wanting constant cuddles and reassurance that I will never send him there again. He refers to it as prison. He appears to have gone further downhill in that week; he had reached the point of being unable to perform any of his personal care but now he's more unsteady on his feet and is having difficulty drinking and feeding himself. He used to go out for a walk but is refusing to do that now. I've taken to hiding in my bedroom occasionally but he then keeps knocking on the door.
I feel as though this is payback for even thinking about respite and wonder whether I will ever again have the opportunity to have some time to myself. I am his sole carer, with no family living nearby and no friends who would be able to offer any assistance. We did try having a three hour weekly respite session late last year, but that only lasted a couple of weeks as OH refused to let him in our home and walked out when I overruled him.
Where do I go from here?
I went to pick him up at the end of his stay and he burst into tears as soon as he saw me, cried all the way home and for the past three days has been following me around, crying, wanting constant cuddles and reassurance that I will never send him there again. He refers to it as prison. He appears to have gone further downhill in that week; he had reached the point of being unable to perform any of his personal care but now he's more unsteady on his feet and is having difficulty drinking and feeding himself. He used to go out for a walk but is refusing to do that now. I've taken to hiding in my bedroom occasionally but he then keeps knocking on the door.
I feel as though this is payback for even thinking about respite and wonder whether I will ever again have the opportunity to have some time to myself. I am his sole carer, with no family living nearby and no friends who would be able to offer any assistance. We did try having a three hour weekly respite session late last year, but that only lasted a couple of weeks as OH refused to let him in our home and walked out when I overruled him.
Where do I go from here?