I hope it's OK to put this here. I don't think I am looking for anything but just wanted to write something down.
My dad passed away eight months ago. Ever since, I wonder if I am grieving right. I know that sounds silly, but something doesn't feel right to me and I think it is to do with lingering guilt that maybe I didn't do enough for him. He declined quite quickly following a stroke and because we couldn't look after him sufficiently, he moved into a nursing home that specialised in supporting and looking after dementia patients. I saw him several times a week but we spent most of our time watching television or playing dominoes. I thought I was doing the things he wanted to do and things that he was capable of doing (he lost dexterity in his fingers and due to bad arthritis he couldn't really hold things). He had little interest in socialising with other residents so he rarely left his bedroom. I think I should have encouraged this more, though, and should have made more of a fuss. I wonder if he was depressed but I didn't recognise it at the time.
When I think of the last couple of years, it makes me so sad because that is not how I wanted this to end. I see other families enjoying day trips with their loved ones, making memories etc, but we didn't do any of that. I really failed him and I can't make it better.
My dad passed away eight months ago. Ever since, I wonder if I am grieving right. I know that sounds silly, but something doesn't feel right to me and I think it is to do with lingering guilt that maybe I didn't do enough for him. He declined quite quickly following a stroke and because we couldn't look after him sufficiently, he moved into a nursing home that specialised in supporting and looking after dementia patients. I saw him several times a week but we spent most of our time watching television or playing dominoes. I thought I was doing the things he wanted to do and things that he was capable of doing (he lost dexterity in his fingers and due to bad arthritis he couldn't really hold things). He had little interest in socialising with other residents so he rarely left his bedroom. I think I should have encouraged this more, though, and should have made more of a fuss. I wonder if he was depressed but I didn't recognise it at the time.
When I think of the last couple of years, it makes me so sad because that is not how I wanted this to end. I see other families enjoying day trips with their loved ones, making memories etc, but we didn't do any of that. I really failed him and I can't make it better.