This is Us (spoiler alert)

[Bettusboo]

I have absolutely loved every series of This is Us but I’m getting bit beside myself with the Alzheimer’s story line. Is anyone else is watching ? I’d be interested in your thoughts.

The first scene that made me scream was when Rebecca (the adorable mother of three adult children and who has Alzheimer’s) sits them all down to make a plan for the future and tells them not to give up on their dreams in order to take care of her. By the time my parents had reached a diagnosable stage if dementia they were beyond planning anything and had lost all empathy or concern for any impact it may have in the rest of the family. We have had to use all sorts of guile and strategies to get them to agree to any plans to ensure they are safe and cared for. Not so Rebecca.

The storyline about her partner Miguel and the stress of being a carer was done well I think. The only part that has rung true.

But the bit that caused me the most angst was the latest episode where, now that Miguel is no longer around to care for Rebecca, a new solution was needed. After a lot of arguing between the three siblings who all wanted her to live with them, they settled on one of the couples moving in with her. I momentarily felt huge guilt that this isn’t what I have felt able to do for my father. I then realised that they would be sharing a huge luxurious house with lots of space for privacy, were also paying for a nurse 24 hours a day and had a separate cabin next door for a helpful uncle and his partner. A long way from the tiny house with creaky floorboards my dad lives in and no budget for extra care if I have to give up work to live with him. No relatives nearby and definitely no fights between siblings to be the one to take care of him. My brother can hardly manage his fortnightly visits without a few days recovery time afterwards.

And why don’t they sing with her ? Singing was her thing so why don’t they ? It’s all I can do with my mum some days and it’s one of the last things we have to enjoy together. Let Rebecca keep singing.

So really, This is Us, this certainly isn’t us. But I have greatly enjoyed watching anyway,

 

[Grannie G]

I don`t know of this programme @Bettusboo . When is it on?

 

[nita]

It looks like it's on Amazon Prime - it's an American drama. It seems you miss a lot of things if you only watch terrestrial TV like I do!

 

[Grannie G]

Thank you @nita.

 

[Carmenjane]

I loved This is Us too - but I watched it before my OH had dementia so I didn't pick up on the points you raised. In retrospect you are right, the storyline wasn't sufficiently well researched.

Have you seen the film "Father", starring Anthony Hopkins and Olivia Coleman? This is a very good depiction of a man slowly succumbing to dementia and brought me to tears. When he finally goes into a care home he says that he feels like a tree with all the leaves dropping off. This is how I see my OH.

 

[KatyKat]

I have absolutely loved every series of This is Us but I’m getting bit beside myself with the Alzheimer’s story line. Is anyone else is watching ? I’d be interested in your thoughts.

The first scene that made me scream was when Rebecca (the adorable mother of three adult children and who has Alzheimer’s) sits them all down to make a plan for the future and tells them not to give up on their dreams in order to take care of her. By the time my parents had reached a diagnosable stage if dementia they were beyond planning anything and had lost all empathy or concern for any impact it may have in the rest of the family. We have had to use all sorts of guile and strategies to get them to agree to any plans to ensure they are safe and cared for. Not so Rebecca.

The storyline about her partner Miguel and the stress of being a carer was done well I think. The only part that has rung true.

But the bit that caused me the most angst was the latest episode where, now that Miguel is no longer around to care for Rebecca, a new solution was needed. After a lot of arguing between the three siblings who all wanted her to live with them, they settled on one of the couples moving in with her. I momentarily felt huge guilt that this isn’t what I have felt able to do for my father. I then realised that they would be sharing a huge luxurious house with lots of space for privacy, were also paying for a nurse 24 hours a day and had a separate cabin next door for a helpful uncle and his partner. A long way from the tiny house with creaky floorboards my dad lives in and no budget for extra care if I have to give up work to live with him. No relatives nearby and definitely no fights between siblings to be the one to take care of him. My brother can hardly manage his fortnightly visits without a few days recovery time afterwards.

And why don’t they sing with her ? Singing was her thing so why don’t they ? It’s all I can do with my mum some days and it’s one of the last things we have to enjoy together. Let Rebecca keep singing.

So really, This is Us, this certainly isn’t us. But I have greatly enjoyed watching anyway,

I've never heard of that show, but I'll make sure to miss it. It Isn't Us. Watching that would be sure to make my bp rise. What's depicted in that show is not the life of the average person here. The average household in my area can't afford 24 hour nursing care, let alone a house big enough to allow privacy to the dementia patient, along with several of his relatives.

 

[imthedaughter]

I can't watch anything now with people with dementia in it, or even cancer to be honest now. It's too close to home.

 

[Agzy]

I will look out for it but suspect that, given her reaction to the new Alzheimer’s advert about repetition it will upset her so will fly solo for first viewing.

 

[Bettusboo]

I loved This is Us too - but I watched it before my OH had dementia so I didn't pick up on the points you raised. In retrospect you are right, the storyline wasn't sufficiently well researched.

Have you seen the film "Father", starring Anthony Hopkins and Olivia Coleman? This is a very good depiction of a man slowly succumbing to dementia and brought me to tears. When he finally goes into a care home he says that he feels like a tree with all the leaves dropping off. This is how I see my OH.

I haven’t seen ‘Father’ but a friend has mentioned it. I wouldn’t knowingly often set out to watch something about dementia - too much like a bus mans holiday when what I really need is a break and some laughs. Heartily recommend Derry Girls for the above and sad that it is ending tonight but looking forward to it.

 

[Pork Pie lady]

We need to remember everyone is different. My husband was diagnosed in 2012. We are in an unusual situation that his decline has been so very slow. Even now he is usually quite able to tell me what he wants with regard to his care etc and understand the implications. So it can happen like that. This site is a constant reminder to me to be thankful we have had so many reasonable quality years together since diagnosis.

 

[Bettusboo]

Yes I completely agree with that. The Rebecca storyline about making decisions in This is Us was a long way from my experience with my parents but if it is possible to be more like that for other people, that’s good to know. Its certainly how Id like to think I could be with my children if it happens to me ( and have already started having those sorts of conversations) It is good to hear about experiences like yours and to be reminded that everyone is different and everyone’s experiences can be different. Still, I don’t think there are many who can afford the luxury house and 24 hour care with extended family all living happily together as in This is Us, unfortunately.

 

[Lawson58]

I started watching this when it first started. I thought it was rather removed from reality and that was long before anything to do with AD. It’s just a TV series that is using Alzheimer’s to build a plot and a storyline and it’s just a money making exercise.

 

[Agzy]

We need to remember everyone is different. My husband was diagnosed in 2012. We are in an unusual situation that his decline has been so very slow. Even now he is usually quite able to tell me what he wants with regard to his care etc and understand the implications. So it can happen like that. This site is a constant reminder to me to be thankful we have had so many reasonable quality years together since diagnosis.

As much as I would like to I haven’t been able to watch this series as Pauline has full charge of the TV remote once 8 o’clock in the morning has passed and I have watched the news and, as the recent Dementia advert upset her greatly, I am sure what I have read about it she would switch it off. Like your husband, her decline over the past 8 years has been relatively slow and there is so much she can deal with but not when on her own as then all is confusion

 

[Izzy]

I agree with this - I try and avoid things with these topics for the exact same reason!

 

[Izzy]

I have to confess I'm the same. My mum and my husband had dementia and in total it was coming up for 20 years we were all living with it. Now I want the good memories of them to be my main memories.