My 95 year old father went to join my mother in a residential care home three weeks ago. In the weeks leading up to his move, I carefully made sure I asked him about special things he wouod like to take with him, while explaining we couldn’t take everything! Apart from clothes and essential which I selected and labelled, I wanted to take any sentimental things and we managed to take pictures, along with various other items. All the time I checked whether there was anything else he would like. He struggled with this concept but I encouraged him.
I didn’t start stripping the house before he moved out as I felt it was better for him to remember the house as it was but it has slightly backfired on me. I have been emptying everything out (large four bedroom house) selling furniture etc and sorting the mountain of documents etc and I have been keeping my father aware of the house progress. Added to that a tenant in their cottage in the garden caused me a nightmare but I managed to resolve it.
Yesterday, he started asking me about some items - a pair of pictures, a coat etc and it is very upsetting because the mountain of clothes and belongings were overwhelming and we simply couldn’t take every last thing to the home. I made sure he has a coat and a jacket and the coat he is referring to hasn’t been worn for about twenty years!
He seems to have lost all hold on reality and is detached from what is happening, despite me keeping him up to date with how the house sale is progressing.
Maybe I was wrong to try to maintain the house to the last day he was there, perhaps starting to dismantle might have prepared him. He keeps asking me to “go into the too drawer which is where I have a back scratcher” or a cupboard where some random thing is kept. Trouble is, the house is empty awaiting completion so there isn’t anything left!
I feel really upset about it because I can’t seem to make him see the situation - he agrees things have gone then asks the next day about something else. I’m exhausted by the house sorting and I guess I’m not really in the right frame of mind to have this questioning all the time - especially as it is now too late as items have been sold or given to charity.
I didn’t start stripping the house before he moved out as I felt it was better for him to remember the house as it was but it has slightly backfired on me. I have been emptying everything out (large four bedroom house) selling furniture etc and sorting the mountain of documents etc and I have been keeping my father aware of the house progress. Added to that a tenant in their cottage in the garden caused me a nightmare but I managed to resolve it.
Yesterday, he started asking me about some items - a pair of pictures, a coat etc and it is very upsetting because the mountain of clothes and belongings were overwhelming and we simply couldn’t take every last thing to the home. I made sure he has a coat and a jacket and the coat he is referring to hasn’t been worn for about twenty years!
He seems to have lost all hold on reality and is detached from what is happening, despite me keeping him up to date with how the house sale is progressing.
Maybe I was wrong to try to maintain the house to the last day he was there, perhaps starting to dismantle might have prepared him. He keeps asking me to “go into the too drawer which is where I have a back scratcher” or a cupboard where some random thing is kept. Trouble is, the house is empty awaiting completion so there isn’t anything left!
I feel really upset about it because I can’t seem to make him see the situation - he agrees things have gone then asks the next day about something else. I’m exhausted by the house sorting and I guess I’m not really in the right frame of mind to have this questioning all the time - especially as it is now too late as items have been sold or given to charity.