sicut animam suam : 'it's just life'

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Palerider

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I haven't seen mum yet this week as I have been full on at work till today. I have arranged to pop in on Sunday in the evening because thats when mum wakes up from her daytime sleep and its good to see her in full swing or should I say doing her best to get on with things. I do find myself having to repeatedly tell the continuous stream of new carers that mums life was always a busy one, always on the go so that they grasp 'wandering' is not wandering it is walking with a purpose and in my mums case likely to relieve something she either needs to do or do something she hasn't yet done -sound familiar ?

Last week I unfortunately lost an old friend over my PhD work but we could not agree on our own world views. I am not saddend by this because people rarely show their true selves until something comes up that tilts the balance of the status quo. When it comes to the human condition and talk about our own species there is within it a whole different world most of which day today we never realised existed. We are complex, unpredictable and most invariably fallibly human. It won't change anything about me or what my world view is one bit!
 
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Palerider

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Yesterday I visited mum and it was a very difficult visit because another resident with mums name very quickly attached hersef to me and for her dear life would not let go. I actually don' have an issue with this but yesterday I was not in my normal space, tired and just wanted to see my mum. In the end I had to go along with it until I could get the carers to distract the lady and quickly enter mums room and close the door. Not the best of visits given I then felt exceptionally guilty about the whole thing, meanwhile mum was quite oblivious and was happy to eat her chocolates while the chaos ensued. Eventually after some time with mum she got up and as usual continued her walk about, rather amazingly unlocking her door. I wasn't on form yesterday and at this point just needed to say my farewell and leave, only to find I had left my glasses behind :rolleyes:. On to better days....
 

Palerider

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This week I drew the heads up side of the coin and got the two days before the bank holiday, Thursday and Friday, consequently I got up this morning and watched James Martin and went back to bed before he finished and woke at 4pm. I am seriously exhausted having worked through my unpaid break, all 12.5 hours. This is not new and I am thinking I can't keep this up as I used to be able to. I am 55 this year and the way the NHS is going I might not get to retirement age (after 30 years). I don't know what the answer is, but at the same time my rash came back (all over) and had to see my GP this week -what a nightmare!! A day passed before I finally was seen in person and she was in so much of hurry she only focussed on what she was seeing not on what she was hearing. I left with no explanation and on two more tablets I probably don't need with a fruther referral at two months if things don't improve. Always remember we all have to suffer the GP receptionist (the gestapo) and our local GP policies :rolleyes:. Anyway I spoke with a GP who works with me in acute medicine and he was saying the situation now is just not sustainable -medics are leaving more than coming in, but this is the same for nurses. Last when I counted there was a predicted shorfall of new trained nurses of approx 50,000, GP's >5000 per head of population. The question is can those of us who ramain in the NHS continue as things are let lone wait for the new recruits to join us? No wonder older people and PWD get such a raw deal and it really is an issue with me!!!

Anyway, this week when I got home from work I found a letter from the head office of mums care home group, they have now finally relinquished the need for LFT's (which were only ever 70% proof) and we are free to come and go as we please. It didn't address the damage done and what I witnessed of the last two years of pure legal anxiety by care home managers much to my yet again dissapointment in a system that is unworkable and sadly failing people with dementia and their families.
 
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Lynmax

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Nov 1, 2016
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It’s great that we can visit mum without restrictions but I’m glad that I still have a few tests and have decided to take one before visiting. On Tuesday I did a test prior to popping in to see mum and tested positive! I woke up feeling fine, maybe a little sniffly but as my hay fever is starting, I often do. As the day progressed I developed severe cold like symptoms and have been quite poorly since then. But had I not tested, I would have gone into the care home and potentially spread Covid all over the place!

As some of you might recall, my mum is not vaccinated and has already had Covid twice, the last time in January, so I need to be very cautious for her sake. I’ll wait the recommended ten days and two negative tests before going to visit.
 

Palerider

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Well I have been in to see mum and dropped off her easter egg and card. She was in good spirits today which was good to see. She managed to get up and start her usual walk about which amazes me given the lack of muscle she has now, but the one thing my mum has in bucket fulls is stamina, thats nothing new at all. I didn't stay too long as I'm working tomorrow and feel the need to flop and slob out in front of the TV with food. Everyone is out and about and I am feeling quite at peace with just being restful at home just for once.
 

Lynmax

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Nov 1, 2016
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Enjoy your day, I think you deserve a quiet day at home before work tomorrow. Do you have anything nice to eat? I can’t taste anything having Covid so really can’t be bothered to cook but I’ve run out of bread ( unless I cut the mould off) so might make some cheese scones to tide me over until my sister can do some shopping for me on Tuesday.

I’m always amazed by my mums strength, despite losing so much weight recently and no longer having mobility, she has a really strong grip and can dig her nails in to draw blood sometimes!
 

Palerider

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Enjoy your day, I think you deserve a quiet day at home before work tomorrow. Do you have anything nice to eat? I can’t taste anything having Covid so really can’t be bothered to cook but I’ve run out of bread ( unless I cut the mould off) so might make some cheese scones to tide me over until my sister can do some shopping for me on Tuesday.

I’m always amazed by my mums strength, despite losing so much weight recently and no longer having mobility, she has a really strong grip and can dig her nails in to draw blood sometimes!
Yeh I can't believe my mum is still walking round, she is just skin and bone apart from the fluid in her legs -how she moves I have no idea, but she does.

I have a thing for Raymond Blancs beef with red wine and tarrogan sauce lately, which is what I had on Sunday ?
 

Lynmax

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Yummy, love beef and red wine! But I’ve got Covid right now and my taste is affected so can’t be bothered cooking!
 

Palerider

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I am officially knackered and thankfully now on a weeks leave! Its my nieces wedding on Weds this next week and I am thinking I might drive up to Windermere the day before and turn it into a mini-break. I would have loved mum to come along, but its too far and too long a stay for her now and I am not even sure thinking that is any longer a good idea -but this is how it makes us, well certainly me anyway.

The weeks go by and nothing much happens in mums world, thankfully no drama's (touch wood) and after my last visit I have finally come to realise where we are now, which was always inevitable looking back along this journey. Mum is ok for now and I can say she really does have another family now, which is hard to come to terms with, but we are where we are and no amount of fretting, wishing, hoping or anything is going to change it. Looking back I tried so hard not to put mum into care, but now I am not sure if with hindsight I would be so reluctant, though I think staging is an essential part of when and why we make the decisions we do. It all still bothers me, and from time to time as I have said before I do still get quite emotional about the whole thing, but this is bigger than any one person or even whole families can handle, not for the lack of trying.

Another door has opened with a job closer to home, I have my doubts about leaving behind so many great friends and colleagues but I am tired of commuting and I don't want to leave Cheshire after it taking me so long to finally come home. Another crossroads...
 

Jaded'n'faded

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Jan 23, 2019
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This reminds me of mum's last year. She was in the CH for 3 years and by year 3 I was sort of used to the routine. Mum had had her hip break and recovered somewhat the things seemed to reach a hiatus. Yes, she was deteriorating but it was a gradual thing. One visit was much like the last and I felt everything was in a sort of limbo. I was waiting for signs that things were moving on to the next stage in particular the much dreaded paucity of speech and loss of mobility tht would indicate final stages.

Actually it didn't happen like that! Mum pretty much stayed that way till the end, which came qute suddenly after a mild and unidentified infection (as I have told you before...) Don't take this wrong but I hope the same happens to your mum, that she leaves this world suddenly, almost unexpectedly rather than progressing to the totally bedridden, non-communicative stage. Long may she walk the corridors!

I was thinking of you tonight - we went for meal at a local restuarant I've just found. They do a gourmet small plates menu and it was ****** fantastic! Next time you're over this way we should go there - check out the Hyssop. x
 

Palerider

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This reminds me of mum's last year. She was in the CH for 3 years and by year 3 I was sort of used to the routine. Mum had had her hip break and recovered somewhat the things seemed to reach a hiatus. Yes, she was deteriorating but it was a gradual thing. One visit was much like the last and I felt everything was in a sort of limbo. I was waiting for signs that things were moving on to the next stage in particular the much dreaded paucity of speech and loss of mobility tht would indicate final stages.

Actually it didn't happen like that! Mum pretty much stayed that way till the end, which came qute suddenly after a mild and unidentified infection (as I have told you before...) Don't take this wrong but I hope the same happens to your mum, that she leaves this world suddenly, almost unexpectedly rather than progressing to the totally bedridden, non-communicative stage. Long may she walk the corridors!

I was thinking of you tonight - we went for meal at a local restuarant I've just found. They do a gourmet small plates menu and it was ****** fantastic! Next time you're over this way we should go there - check out the Hyssop. x
Hello @Jaded'n'faded
I do look at my mum sometimes and hope she gets her wish, the one she always said she hoped would happen when her time came - to go swiftly in her sleep, and yes long may she walk the corridors and never get to the very end stage. Like your mum it would be a shock but also a relief, knowing that ultimately it would happen at some point. I just hope it is a peaceful end to a long journey.

Mmm I must pop over and have something to eat and a big catch up, its been a while. I'll let you know when I am next on leave, this week is packed already -the Hyssop sounds like the right place;)
 

Palerider

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Today I sat in the car having just bought a take out Costa and was listening to Smooth. Then Emeli Sande came on the radio with Clown. She wrote this superb song out of her own experience of the music business, and I just thought how much with all the different organisations I have had to deal with on mums behalf how much a part of that was being the clown (or so it seemed) -some might not grasp the point and some will, but here's the song anyway:

 

Palerider

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One last entry for today, perhaps the most thought provoking of all in my own life so far. Today the BIL called me about the wedding on Weds this next week and said he had written his speech, no jokes and how much I am the next best thing to their mum, her brother.

At what point do we stop being something we are not? I know deep down my sister would want them to get married on a day just like any other day and she would say you have one life, go live it and make it the best it can be no matter what comes. I told Steve to back up and ensure he inculded my sisters essence in his speech, becaue that really was who she was.

Anyway I am pressing my blue suite tonight and decided I am wearing a button flower, probably a lily as that was Karens most fave flower and the rest will just be me Uncle Si with a cafe creme cigar and glass of half red ?
 

Palerider

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I ended up not travelling up to Windermere today. I have almost completed an application form for the new job but seem to be hovering over completing it and submitting. I have decided to hold off until after the wedding and see I how feel in a few days, I know I can't move to where I currently work as I would not be happy there, even though I have great colleagues and friends -so it is pretty much crunch time. Closing date is 5th May.

My new shirts have thankfully turned up the day before and are currently in the washer -they are too starchy to wear for a whole day. Eveything else is straight forward including the drive up to the Lakes.

I visited mum yesterday and she was so tired bless her, clearly she had been awake most of the night, but she still managed to eat the cake I bought her inbetween nodding off. I'm taking a leaf out of my mums book as I know she would say do what makes you happy -so with that in mind I am going to be mulling over where the future lies. I've never felt like this before about moving jobs:rolleyes:
 

Sarasa

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Hope you have a great time at the wedding @Palerider. I like the idea of a flower to remember your sister by. Hope it is a happy occasion even though your sister will not be there. WIll your mum understand if you show her some photos?
As for the job, I certainly couldn't hack long commutes after a while, and if the job looks like a good fit for your skills I'd at least bung in the application.
 

Palerider

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Hope you have a great time at the wedding @Palerider. I like the idea of a flower to remember your sister by. Hope it is a happy occasion even though your sister will not be there. WIll your mum understand if you show her some photos?
As for the job, I certainly couldn't hack long commutes after a while, and if the job looks like a good fit for your skills I'd at least bung in the application.
Thanks @Sarasa

I will probably put the application in, the time has come to decide once and for all after so much deliberation, but I want to take the next couple of days to reflect on leaving behind 12 years of what has been hard work and the only thing that kept me going were the people I worked with and still do. Its my second longest employment, but I also know they will always be there in the background and we will still continue to meet up although not as often.
 

Aurifer

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Apr 26, 2022
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Could I make a plea to change the Latin in the thread title? sicut animam suam definitely doesn't mean "it's just life".
 

Aurifer

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Apr 26, 2022
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Thank you for your reply, Palerider.
Is "It's just life" still what you'd like the Latin to say? And by "It's just life" is the implication that, however extraordinary dementia may seem, it is actually a fairly common phenomenon, and therefore can be considered a reasonably familiar part of life as we know it?
 
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