I don’t really know what ‘stage’ my MIL is at…I guess i would say approaching mid-stage, although she only received a diagnosis around 1 year ago. The (not very helpful) diagnosis was apparently just ‘dementia’, no further info on the possible type. My FIL just says that they were told off would last 4 years…although i don’t know how a Dr. could actually know that unless it’s very clear what it is and such a prognosis wouldn’t usually be associated with dementia from what i understand.
MIL is 75, FIL turns 80 next month. Both worked in quite senior positions in geriatric care in their ‘former’ lives.
We first became aware of MILs problems probably 4 or 5 years ago but just put it down to typical ‘old age forgetfulness’. It came as quite a shock when FIL told us about the diagnosis because we weren’t really aware of her deterioration.
Over the last year it’s got noticeably worse and she has lost many of her former skills, most notably her ability to cook, which was previously her great passion. Apparently the Dr. foresaw that this skill would go first.
They were offered a flat in an assisted living facility 2 weeks ago after a wait of just 2 months (usual wait would be 12-14 months). This was in a residential home which offers both independent living with assistance as an when needed, residential care and specislised dementua care within more closed groups. Although in agreement in advance - albeit reluctant - when the offer came, my MIL threw what can be best described as a hissy fit and my FIL therefore turned it down. Something my FIL today admitted he regrets.
MIL is still absolutely mobile, continent etc. FIL says there is some days she can do the washing for example and others where she has no clue. But she misplaces things in the home constantly and gets annoyed when she can’t find them. She very much lives in the past (talks about my husband as if he still lives with them, but he’s not lived at home for by 30 years, tries to call her mum who’s been dead for 25 years etc) and her contributions to conversations rarely relate to the conversations we are having; more often than not these contributions are then a mixture of stories from different periods of her life.
Today i went lama trekking with her to get her out for an hour or so. The lady running the treks has experience with PWD and my be MIL enjoys going for walks, so this was the perfect opportunity to get her out and also give my FIL a break. It was an enjoyable couple of hours, but today marked some quite clear ‘lowlights’ in her condition:
- when my FIL pulled up outside or flat she claimed to never have been here before (we’ve lived here for 14 years..,) apparently she was quite insistent about it. She was last here a week ago.
- when leaving for the walk she kept on asking where her husband was, and we had to keep repeating that he was staying at home because of his bad back (the truth)
- whilst there she was fine for the first 30 mins or so (obviously needed reiteration of the instructions, and conversations were at a tangent, but generally good), but thereafter she kept looking for my FIL and we had to keep repeating that he had stayed at home and she would she him soon.
- are around an hour she was asking if i had my telephone because she wanted to phone him. I reassured her that we did but that we would be finished in 15 mins and could call him from the car on the way home.
- on the way home, and this is the first time it’s happened, she was talking to my best friend and i about her DIL (I’m her only DIL) referring to her by my name etc. but with absolutely zero recognition that it was me that she was talking about (as an aside, it’s rather interesting to know what your MIL thinks about you…unfiltered…aparently i can be quite a perfectionist in the kitchen, but that’s because I’m English ?)
I guess i don’t know why I’m postung this, just sharing the day and trying to make sense of it, I guess. I think the talking about me - to me - as if i were somebody else was a bit unsettling with it being the first time it’s happened. And i guess I’m also trying to work out what ‘stage’ she would be considered to be at.
I’m thinking mid-stage but then i really don’t know. I know the current stage won’t actually tell me anything about how long she’ll stay in that stage or progress to the next, and how long that stage will last, but I’m quite a logical person so information tends to help me process things a little…as does writing it down.
Is anybody able to share their experience of having experienced similar ‘milestones’ on the journey with their PWD?
(As an aside, I live in Switzerland although I’m English, my PIL are German but have lived in Switzerland for 50 years. My OH is an only child so it’s just the 4 of us in Switzerland. I know that things are different here in respect of support and processes etc. so I’m more posting looking for support from people who have been / or are currently on this journey with a PWD.)
Many thanks for reading! I know…TLDR…I’m well known for that ?
Ressie
MIL is 75, FIL turns 80 next month. Both worked in quite senior positions in geriatric care in their ‘former’ lives.
We first became aware of MILs problems probably 4 or 5 years ago but just put it down to typical ‘old age forgetfulness’. It came as quite a shock when FIL told us about the diagnosis because we weren’t really aware of her deterioration.
Over the last year it’s got noticeably worse and she has lost many of her former skills, most notably her ability to cook, which was previously her great passion. Apparently the Dr. foresaw that this skill would go first.
They were offered a flat in an assisted living facility 2 weeks ago after a wait of just 2 months (usual wait would be 12-14 months). This was in a residential home which offers both independent living with assistance as an when needed, residential care and specislised dementua care within more closed groups. Although in agreement in advance - albeit reluctant - when the offer came, my MIL threw what can be best described as a hissy fit and my FIL therefore turned it down. Something my FIL today admitted he regrets.
MIL is still absolutely mobile, continent etc. FIL says there is some days she can do the washing for example and others where she has no clue. But she misplaces things in the home constantly and gets annoyed when she can’t find them. She very much lives in the past (talks about my husband as if he still lives with them, but he’s not lived at home for by 30 years, tries to call her mum who’s been dead for 25 years etc) and her contributions to conversations rarely relate to the conversations we are having; more often than not these contributions are then a mixture of stories from different periods of her life.
Today i went lama trekking with her to get her out for an hour or so. The lady running the treks has experience with PWD and my be MIL enjoys going for walks, so this was the perfect opportunity to get her out and also give my FIL a break. It was an enjoyable couple of hours, but today marked some quite clear ‘lowlights’ in her condition:
- when my FIL pulled up outside or flat she claimed to never have been here before (we’ve lived here for 14 years..,) apparently she was quite insistent about it. She was last here a week ago.
- when leaving for the walk she kept on asking where her husband was, and we had to keep repeating that he was staying at home because of his bad back (the truth)
- whilst there she was fine for the first 30 mins or so (obviously needed reiteration of the instructions, and conversations were at a tangent, but generally good), but thereafter she kept looking for my FIL and we had to keep repeating that he had stayed at home and she would she him soon.
- are around an hour she was asking if i had my telephone because she wanted to phone him. I reassured her that we did but that we would be finished in 15 mins and could call him from the car on the way home.
- on the way home, and this is the first time it’s happened, she was talking to my best friend and i about her DIL (I’m her only DIL) referring to her by my name etc. but with absolutely zero recognition that it was me that she was talking about (as an aside, it’s rather interesting to know what your MIL thinks about you…unfiltered…aparently i can be quite a perfectionist in the kitchen, but that’s because I’m English ?)
I guess i don’t know why I’m postung this, just sharing the day and trying to make sense of it, I guess. I think the talking about me - to me - as if i were somebody else was a bit unsettling with it being the first time it’s happened. And i guess I’m also trying to work out what ‘stage’ she would be considered to be at.
I’m thinking mid-stage but then i really don’t know. I know the current stage won’t actually tell me anything about how long she’ll stay in that stage or progress to the next, and how long that stage will last, but I’m quite a logical person so information tends to help me process things a little…as does writing it down.
Is anybody able to share their experience of having experienced similar ‘milestones’ on the journey with their PWD?
(As an aside, I live in Switzerland although I’m English, my PIL are German but have lived in Switzerland for 50 years. My OH is an only child so it’s just the 4 of us in Switzerland. I know that things are different here in respect of support and processes etc. so I’m more posting looking for support from people who have been / or are currently on this journey with a PWD.)
Many thanks for reading! I know…TLDR…I’m well known for that ?
Ressie
