My Mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about a year ago. She lives alone, I visit daily and do virtually everything for her apart from personal care, and I'm really struggling to know how to proceed from here.
She thinks there's nothing wrong with her, and refuses all attempts to provide help, stimulation or social interaction. She refuses clubs, lunches, day care, respite care and is violently opposed to a care home, saying this would finish her off.
She's never been a social person and has always found it difficult to engage with people, so I'm not surprised she refuses all the interactions. On the flip side, she complains incessantly about being bored, isolated and lonely. She can't manage her previous hobbies of knitting, sewing and reading, and everything else I've tried to engage her with has not worked either - simple jigsaws, magazines, colouring, simple puzzles etc. There's literally nothing I can find to engage her with.
Her eating has been awful, and combined with her loneliness, social services have been putting in a carer for 2 hours a day for a social visit, and to encourage food/liquids. This often consists of my Mother taking to her bed during the visit, still refusing food/liquid and asking the carer to sit in the sitting room until it's time to go. I thought she might get used to it, but six weeks in she complains more than ever about the carers (they're lovely by the way). It doesn't feel like it's helping much other than giving me some comfort that at least she's being checked upon.
I've just been through an awful spell with her over the past 10 days or so, of her not getting out of bed at all, barely eating and just staring blankly into space declaring she has nothing to live for (she's still very capable of getting up and conversing). She also refused any TV on over this period. I think this may be depression, and resulted in me calling out her GP, who is arranging for a blood test. If that's clear, she's going to refer her to the Doctor in charge of her case for possible depression medication. The GP has also assessed my Mother as not having capacity now.
My major quandary at this point is mounting safety concerns. Not eating, unsteady on her feet, no ability to respond to any emergencies, leaving her main door unlocked overnight at times, electric fires on all night potentially too close to soft furnishings among a host of other things. Twice in the last week I've watched her try to make a phone call and she's not been able to, so I don't think she'd be able to call for help if she even had the presence of mind to. She has door alarms in case of wandering at night, I've been called out 3 nights in the past week when she's left the house. At times in the evenings, she seems unaware of where she is, and it feels very much like leaving a young child alone at home. I feel that she has very little quality of life at home (apart from me she only sees one neighbour regularly), but she disagrees, this is still living independently in her mind.
As she is someone utterly and violently opposed to a care home, at what point does the balance tip where the safety concerns outweigh everything else? I worry about the safety aspects, on the other hand I hate the thought of depriving her of her last bit of freedom too soon.
And if she is suffering from depression already, is this likely to completely tip her over the edge to the point she'll never come back from it?
Has anyone else made the move with someone who hates social settings and the mention of care homes, and how did it pan out?
I'm so racked with guilt at even the thought of moving her to a care home that my anxiety is constantly through the roof.
Apologies for the long post,
Thanks.
She thinks there's nothing wrong with her, and refuses all attempts to provide help, stimulation or social interaction. She refuses clubs, lunches, day care, respite care and is violently opposed to a care home, saying this would finish her off.
She's never been a social person and has always found it difficult to engage with people, so I'm not surprised she refuses all the interactions. On the flip side, she complains incessantly about being bored, isolated and lonely. She can't manage her previous hobbies of knitting, sewing and reading, and everything else I've tried to engage her with has not worked either - simple jigsaws, magazines, colouring, simple puzzles etc. There's literally nothing I can find to engage her with.
Her eating has been awful, and combined with her loneliness, social services have been putting in a carer for 2 hours a day for a social visit, and to encourage food/liquids. This often consists of my Mother taking to her bed during the visit, still refusing food/liquid and asking the carer to sit in the sitting room until it's time to go. I thought she might get used to it, but six weeks in she complains more than ever about the carers (they're lovely by the way). It doesn't feel like it's helping much other than giving me some comfort that at least she's being checked upon.
I've just been through an awful spell with her over the past 10 days or so, of her not getting out of bed at all, barely eating and just staring blankly into space declaring she has nothing to live for (she's still very capable of getting up and conversing). She also refused any TV on over this period. I think this may be depression, and resulted in me calling out her GP, who is arranging for a blood test. If that's clear, she's going to refer her to the Doctor in charge of her case for possible depression medication. The GP has also assessed my Mother as not having capacity now.
My major quandary at this point is mounting safety concerns. Not eating, unsteady on her feet, no ability to respond to any emergencies, leaving her main door unlocked overnight at times, electric fires on all night potentially too close to soft furnishings among a host of other things. Twice in the last week I've watched her try to make a phone call and she's not been able to, so I don't think she'd be able to call for help if she even had the presence of mind to. She has door alarms in case of wandering at night, I've been called out 3 nights in the past week when she's left the house. At times in the evenings, she seems unaware of where she is, and it feels very much like leaving a young child alone at home. I feel that she has very little quality of life at home (apart from me she only sees one neighbour regularly), but she disagrees, this is still living independently in her mind.
As she is someone utterly and violently opposed to a care home, at what point does the balance tip where the safety concerns outweigh everything else? I worry about the safety aspects, on the other hand I hate the thought of depriving her of her last bit of freedom too soon.
And if she is suffering from depression already, is this likely to completely tip her over the edge to the point she'll never come back from it?
Has anyone else made the move with someone who hates social settings and the mention of care homes, and how did it pan out?
I'm so racked with guilt at even the thought of moving her to a care home that my anxiety is constantly through the roof.
Apologies for the long post,
Thanks.