Shoplifting Incident

[Penny Cat]

Hi.
My name is Annette, I am a new member and form part of the care for my dad
My dad was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia in 2019. He is a quite, very well educated 83 year old man. I would describe his disposition as warm, accomodating and unassuming.
In the last few months things have deteriorated significantly in various areas......On Sunday I was made aware that dad had been in the local supermarket and was identified by one of the members of staff as the "man who takes things", at the time my mother was with him, some form of confrontation was displayed which resulted in them both being barred from the store. Anxious, I visited the store to establish what had happened and to explain the situation of my dads condition. The manager, thankfully understood and was very good. He told me that this had happened previously and he himself had dealt with it. . He explained dad placing a bottle in his jacket. I think from what was said dad has been asked to hand over the goods and he has been sent on his way.
The end result was I gave my name and contact details and asked if anything further happened that they should contact me.
My thought process is that at the moment my dad decided to do this he knew it was wrong, I understand that he may have forgotten that he had placed the item in his jacket but cannot understand why in that single moment he thought it was ok. My daughter in law suggested that this could be a cry for help,
I just wanted to ask if anyone else has experienced this. I really don't know how to deal with this and have taken advice today.

 

[canary]

Hello @Penny Cat and welcome to Talking Point.

This is actually fairly common in dementia. It is not done purposely, or as a cry for help, but because they have got confused and forgotten the whole process of choosing items, paying for them and then putting them away.

A few years ago OH tried working in a charity shop, but unfortunately he was pocketing cash. He did not purposely steal it - he was given money and was thinking about other things (like wrapping the purchase) so automatically put the money in his pocket instead of the till. I suspect that there is a similar breakdown in the sequence of purchasing things with your dad.

 

[Penny Cat]

Hello @Penny Cat and welcome to Talking Point.

This is actually fairly common in dementia. It is not done purposely, or as a cry for help, but because they have got confused and forgotten the whole process of choosing items, paying for them and then putting them away.

A few years ago OH tried working in a charity shop, but unfortunately he was pocketing cash. He did not purposely steal it - he was given money and was thinking about other things (like wrapping the purchase) so automatically put the money in his pocket instead of the till. I suspect that there is a similar breakdown in the sequence of purchasing things with your dad.

Thank you. It just made me wonder, as the item went into his jacket, wouldn't he recognise that this was wrong? Im still learning!

 

[canary]

No, he probably wouldnt recognise this as the wrong thing to do. If he had actually purchased it where would he have put it? Probably in his jacket. He missed out the purchasing part.

 

[Justmary]

My husband also did this. It was around 3 years after diagnosis. He looked big and strong and perfectly healthy, but he no longer understood money or credit cards. He took things from shops, from pubs, even from the homes of friends. I tried to get him to push the trolley in the supermarket so I could keep an eye on his hands. It only stopped when he deteriorated and couldn't go out anymore.

 

[Penny Cat]

My husband also did this. It was around 3 years after diagnosis. He looked big and strong and perfectly healthy, but he no longer understood money or credit cards. He took things from shops, from pubs, even from the homes of friends. I tried to get him to push the trolley in the supermarket so I could keep an eye on his hands. It only stopped when he deteriorated and couldn't go out anymore.

Hi
Thank you. I was so shocked and upset. it is so out of character. It will give my mum some comfort when I tell her this is quite common, she was really embarrassed. It's just so difficult to manage.

 

[bluehambye]

It would useful to have logo or something that could go on clothes so that people know that someone has Dementia. My Father lives on his own and is starting go out late at night. This would make it more obvious to the police and security staff. Some people would abuse it but for those in the later stages it could get them help quicker.

 

[Duggies-girl]

Hi @Penny Cat I too think this is probably common. My dad never took anything without paying but he would have paid for everything twice if he was given the chance. He thought he had to pay for everything and every time I went out of his door he would ask me if he owed me anything. When he paid for anything in a shop he always said 'are you sure that's enough' He just lost the ability to understand how money worked and didn't have a clue what his money was worth. He thought everything was too cheap.

At least the shop are aware and hopefully there won't be another confrontation.

 

[canary]

It would useful to have logo or something that could go on clothes so that people know that someone has Dementia. My Father lives on his own and is starting go out late at night. This would make it more obvious to the police and security staff. Some people would abuse it but for those in the later stages it could get them help quicker.

You can get daffodil pins and lanyards which denote that the person has a hidden disability, but the problem is that by the time someone with dementia needs them, they dont understand what they are for and will usually remove them.

You can register someone with dementia to the police under the Herbert protocol which makes it easier for them to be identified if the police become involved

Dementia -The Herbert Protocol - Safeguarding Hub

We take a look at The Herbert Protocol, a simple risk reduction tool to be used in the event that an adult with care and support is reported missing. It is widely associated with people living with dementia who go missing, providing police with vital information to enhance the chances of...

safeguardinghub.co.uk

 

[northumbrian_k]

My wife would pack our bags at the supermarket (Aldi style, so away from the till) but once did so with an item that had not been entered into the till. All other items had and I had paid so - not wanting to become an accomplice to her unintended theft - I quietly removed it and left it on the packing shelf.

The Herbert protocol looks like a good idea but my local Police force doesn't use it.

 

[Penny Cat]

Hi @Penny Cat I too think this is probably common. My dad never took anything without paying but he would have paid for everything twice if he was given the chance. He thought he had to pay for everything and every time I went out of his door he would ask me if he owed me anything. When he paid for anything in a shop he always said 'are you sure that's enough' He just lost the ability to understand how money worked and didn't have a clue what his money was worth. He thought everything was too cheap.

At least the shop are aware and hopefully there won't be another confrontation.

Thank you for your reply. Much appreciated.

 

[Penny Cat]

My wife would pack our bags at the supermarket (Aldi style, so away from the till) but once did so with an item that had not been entered into the till. All other items had and I had paid so - not wanting to become an accomplice to her unintended theft - I quietly removed it and left it on the packing shelf.

The Herbert protocol looks like a good idea but my local Police force doesn't use it.

Hi. I have completed the Herbert Protocol document. I wasn't aware that this should be distributed in the event of things like this. My ignorance, I thought it was used by Police if dad were to go missing. Really appreciate this.