My husband was diagnosed with AD in late 2015 and we had no real idea what was facing us. I thought he would just lose his memory!! Little did I know what I would have to cope with as his sole carer. He was 20 years older than me. By 2021 he was non verbal, incontinent and not understanding much of what was happening around him. I avoided Respite care because I felt that he was familiar with his normal surroundings and I wanted him to be at home until the end. I was here 24 hours a day for him.
On the night of November 30th, he was having a tantrum and somehow, we both fell while I was trying to hold on to him. He was not hurt, but I broke my hip. I was hospitalised for 2 weeks and had a hip replacemen. Because he couldn’t be left, he came to the hospital with us, was admitted and stayed there for 12 days and then transferred to a nursing home for 3 weeks. When I was discharged, trying to learn to walk again, his PA took me to visit him. I was horrified. He’d walked into the ambulance on the night of the accident, he’d been left in bed at the hospital, and for the week at the home, and he was now unable to stand on his own two feet. The home was not good, and we set about trying to find an alternative. However, during the next two weeks he deteriorated quickly, and on January 3rd he passed away.
i think he felt that I had abandoned him, and gave up. Others say, I’m wrong, but I can’t be convinced. I know I had no alternative to the stay in the nursing home, but the guilt will always be there.
Other than that, however, I am not terribly guilt ridden or even tearful. The funeral was this week, and I was relaxed about it. It was an afternoon he would have liked. Obviously, his favourite music, many friends and neighbours and an afternoon tea with sandwiches and cream cakes, his favourites.
Its almost as if I’m on the outside, looking in. I’ve hardly shed tears, and my main anger has been directed at his son who lived abroad, came to the funeral, but has done little or nothing to help me over the last few difficult years.
I'm reading that other people are so emotional after losing their loved ones, but I am just carrying on with life. It feels wrong!! I talk to him every morning and ask him how we got into this mess!!
On the night of November 30th, he was having a tantrum and somehow, we both fell while I was trying to hold on to him. He was not hurt, but I broke my hip. I was hospitalised for 2 weeks and had a hip replacemen. Because he couldn’t be left, he came to the hospital with us, was admitted and stayed there for 12 days and then transferred to a nursing home for 3 weeks. When I was discharged, trying to learn to walk again, his PA took me to visit him. I was horrified. He’d walked into the ambulance on the night of the accident, he’d been left in bed at the hospital, and for the week at the home, and he was now unable to stand on his own two feet. The home was not good, and we set about trying to find an alternative. However, during the next two weeks he deteriorated quickly, and on January 3rd he passed away.
i think he felt that I had abandoned him, and gave up. Others say, I’m wrong, but I can’t be convinced. I know I had no alternative to the stay in the nursing home, but the guilt will always be there.
Other than that, however, I am not terribly guilt ridden or even tearful. The funeral was this week, and I was relaxed about it. It was an afternoon he would have liked. Obviously, his favourite music, many friends and neighbours and an afternoon tea with sandwiches and cream cakes, his favourites.
Its almost as if I’m on the outside, looking in. I’ve hardly shed tears, and my main anger has been directed at his son who lived abroad, came to the funeral, but has done little or nothing to help me over the last few difficult years.
I'm reading that other people are so emotional after losing their loved ones, but I am just carrying on with life. It feels wrong!! I talk to him every morning and ask him how we got into this mess!!