I've cared for my husband at home for the past 3 years now. He has chronic heart failure as well as vascular dementia. After his open heart surgery, he wanted to come home although he was still very poorly. It was agreed at the time, with the GP making it clear to him, that he could do so, with all the appropriate support in place, until he either needed further medical intervention or I was unable to care for him any longer. He agreed to that, and we also drew up LPAs for both health and finance, which the GP had also recommended we do.
Over the past 3 years, 'support' has gradually diminished, mainly because of Covid, and I now have just a monthly call from the District Nurses and a support telephone call every few weeks from surgery - the GP has also retired.
I have now reached a point where I feel he ought to be in a more professional care situation - he is completely bed-bound, doubly incontinent (this is a major issue that has been happening since he returned home!), and unable to do anything for himself. I even have to feed him. I am 80 years old myself, and really struggling to carry out all his care both physically and emotionally. At the same time, I am having such a difficult time trying to make that decision. Some days I feel quite positive about the proposed move and other days I feel so guilty. I find it so strange that I am being left to make this decision with no input from any medical support people.
Part of me really wants him to be more professionally cared for, but, at the same time, I am feeling so guilty because he only ever wanted to come home after surgery and never return to hospital again. This has been his home for the past 60 years almost.
I haven't been out of this house for the past 18 months, my life has been on hold for the past 3 years, and even saying that makes me feel so bad about myself. We have no family to offer support, and all I hear from the DNs is them telling me I am doing an amazing job, and he is receiving excellent care! I feel as if I am betraying his trust completely.
His dementia has become much more pronounced of late, and there are days when he doesn't even speak to me at all. Normal conversation is no longer possible. I feel so dishonest, making enquiries with care homes, but I'm also at the same time, frightened of changing the situation here.
Has anyone else gone through such stress? I'm sure there must be many of you out there...
Over the past 3 years, 'support' has gradually diminished, mainly because of Covid, and I now have just a monthly call from the District Nurses and a support telephone call every few weeks from surgery - the GP has also retired.
I have now reached a point where I feel he ought to be in a more professional care situation - he is completely bed-bound, doubly incontinent (this is a major issue that has been happening since he returned home!), and unable to do anything for himself. I even have to feed him. I am 80 years old myself, and really struggling to carry out all his care both physically and emotionally. At the same time, I am having such a difficult time trying to make that decision. Some days I feel quite positive about the proposed move and other days I feel so guilty. I find it so strange that I am being left to make this decision with no input from any medical support people.
Part of me really wants him to be more professionally cared for, but, at the same time, I am feeling so guilty because he only ever wanted to come home after surgery and never return to hospital again. This has been his home for the past 60 years almost.
I haven't been out of this house for the past 18 months, my life has been on hold for the past 3 years, and even saying that makes me feel so bad about myself. We have no family to offer support, and all I hear from the DNs is them telling me I am doing an amazing job, and he is receiving excellent care! I feel as if I am betraying his trust completely.
His dementia has become much more pronounced of late, and there are days when he doesn't even speak to me at all. Normal conversation is no longer possible. I feel so dishonest, making enquiries with care homes, but I'm also at the same time, frightened of changing the situation here.
Has anyone else gone through such stress? I'm sure there must be many of you out there...