Rant away
@Snuffette, I haven't been on TP for a week and I hope your mum is on the mend. Isn't it shocking when behaviour changes so suddenly.
My mum has been in the home for two weeks now, and yes, you clever people, the belt is a handling belt, used to assist movement, although we were told it wasn't used for mum and couldn't think why it was in her room (?) we have given them the benefit of doubt, as all the things we have asked for have by and large been done, for instance putting shoes on during the day, not sitting in slippers and her hearing aids are in every day and the batteries are being changed.
We have visited mum every day and watched the change in her as she has settled a bit. She stayed in her room for ten days but is coming downstairs to be with the others now. Her stubbornness has gone and she lets the carers care -first shower this morning, so progress is being made.
We paid for another weeks respite, but it really feels as if mum has settled, the problem is me.
I'm finding it so difficult to let her go, the house feels empty without her and I hate the carers who are looking after her because it should be me.
OH and I have so much free time, it's extraordinary how much of our day and night was taken up with sorting mum out and we don't quite know what to do with ourselves.
I feel such a sense of loss, which is ridiculously stupid as she's alive and kicking not five minutes walk away and I can see her and take her out as much as I want.
Deep down, I am starting to think mum is in the best place now. We have talked to a local dementia care agency who said they would be able to take over mum's care if she came home (at a huge cost, mind you), but mum really enjoys the view and people watching from her window, she's as happy with the carers as she is with me and has plenty of people to talk to.
My best interest would be for mum to come home, we always hoped she would be with us for the duration, but being honest, mum's best interest is maybe to stay where she is.
I'm not a brave person, I've always been too soft for my own good. As many of you have said, it's the toughest of decisions to have to make, organising someone else's future life, so I'll have to dig deep and learn to share her. The home are having a Garden Party at the weekend to which we are invited, it will be an opportunity to see if mum really is settling.