that sounded a really nice visit and Bridget was relaxed with you to be able to lay down and share the music
Dementia’s journey
- Thread starter Dutchman
- Start date
Glad to hear the visit wasn't too bad. You're very brave, going so regularly when it must be difficult for you.
On a more upbeat note, how's Poppy settling in?
God bless
Hi @blackmortimer @jennifer1967
Poppy is getting braver. I think she’s quite used to sofas ( why did I buy a cat bed ?) and jumped on my bed at 2 am this morning
( must remember to shut the door!). She on a strict diet so makes me feel awkward when I have my food and looks at me with those big begging eyes.
The visit was not as bad as I thought. Bridget obviously is not under any stress and smiles a lot. I just wish she’d smile knowing me as her love and her Peter. I’m told that I should make the most of what I’ve got because when she dies I’ll regret it if I don’t
Of course all the advice in the world doesn’t shift the heartache of seeing my only love living in a world I can’t enter. I’m beginning to forget what it was like lying in bed with her, her walking round the house, her noise and conversation. I feel she belongs to others now when every part of her was mine alone. How can it be different when you’ve been intimate with someone body and mind, and during dementia times you’ve cleaned them, dressed them and cared for them when they could no longer function as your equal partner.
God bless. Peter
Poppy is getting braver. I think she’s quite used to sofas ( why did I buy a cat bed ?) and jumped on my bed at 2 am this morning
( must remember to shut the door!). She on a strict diet so makes me feel awkward when I have my food and looks at me with those big begging eyes.
The visit was not as bad as I thought. Bridget obviously is not under any stress and smiles a lot. I just wish she’d smile knowing me as her love and her Peter. I’m told that I should make the most of what I’ve got because when she dies I’ll regret it if I don’t
Of course all the advice in the world doesn’t shift the heartache of seeing my only love living in a world I can’t enter. I’m beginning to forget what it was like lying in bed with her, her walking round the house, her noise and conversation. I feel she belongs to others now when every part of her was mine alone. How can it be different when you’ve been intimate with someone body and mind, and during dementia times you’ve cleaned them, dressed them and cared for them when they could no longer function as your equal partner.
God bless. Peter
Glad you had a reasonably good visit today Peter. I did an extra visit today to see D as it was her birthday, not that it mean't much to her but I felt I couldn't not see her today. It's a strange situation where we visit our loved ones desperately hoping that they need to see us when the reality is that we are the needy ones. D seemed pleased to see me even though she didn't know who I was, she got a little restless after half an hour and when she needed the toilet I took the opportunity to leave without the usual difficult goodbye when she sometimes becomes quite agitated. I think I am going to try just visiting once a week for the time being I think although that may be hard for me it might be a bit easier and less unsettling for her. I don't think I was expecting visits to be such an emotional minefield.
Visits are always going to be stressful for me. I’m always expecting a good visit but it only takes a word or look or change in her manner to remind me that dementia has destroyed all of what made her Bridget.
I do find that I still need to find a cause for Bridget’s dementia even though it’s a hopeless activity. Humans like to complete the circle, have stuff tidy, no unfinished business. It’s not easy, as it’s not like I was drunk and drove her into a tree. Where did it first happen, that initial death of the first brain cell?
I could blame our life style, her tendency to be overweight, smoking in earlier years, being a woman, age, oh and a raft of other stuff. All too late now of course and all so unfair “what if or that” , “ why me, why her, why us”. I get so angry at the unfairness of it all and at the world that it doesn’t understand.
Got to put a brave face on as I’m eating out later with my daughter
Peter
I do find that I still need to find a cause for Bridget’s dementia even though it’s a hopeless activity. Humans like to complete the circle, have stuff tidy, no unfinished business. It’s not easy, as it’s not like I was drunk and drove her into a tree. Where did it first happen, that initial death of the first brain cell?
I could blame our life style, her tendency to be overweight, smoking in earlier years, being a woman, age, oh and a raft of other stuff. All too late now of course and all so unfair “what if or that” , “ why me, why her, why us”. I get so angry at the unfairness of it all and at the world that it doesn’t understand.
Got to put a brave face on as I’m eating out later with my daughter
Peter
you are going to torment yourself with" what ifs". sometimes it just" is. " hindsight is sometimes the worse thing. you cant go back and correct it. i believe in fate and what will be will be.i understand your feeling of loss but dont let it ruin the precious moments that you share with Bridget even if bridget is unaware of the significence
Hi there @jennifer1967 .
of course you’re right. There’s nothing we can do about the past. I know that in my mind it’s just moving it to my heart.
of course you’re right. There’s nothing we can do about the past. I know that in my mind it’s just moving it to my heart.
i know its hard and you need to do things to be able to" share" with Bridget even if she doesnt understand and doesnt make the connection.
I’m standing at my daughters kitchen window looking out and I get the feeling
of” is this really happening”, that I’m on my own and Bridget’s not here with me. Almost feels like it’s happening to someone else. The reality of it swamps me when it hits.
Everything on my own
of” is this really happening”, that I’m on my own and Bridget’s not here with me. Almost feels like it’s happening to someone else. The reality of it swamps me when it hits.
Everything on my own
Yes the previous picture was of my old cat called Bob. He was my darling cat from a kitten. Died at the age of 18. Poppy is 12 and is settling in nicely
So, I’ve had to suffer the get together of couples having a laugh and joke over drinks. We had a walk and family wanted to get a drink and I’m awkward in front of couples who are planning this and that, giving it large about their holiday and I’m just wishing Bridget was here sharing my day. All we ever wanted was each other and that’s all gone.
One person I read about spoke to her counsellor and wanted others to die so that they could experience what she was going through. Drastic but understandable. I just don’t like couples being happy completely oblivious to the grief they’ve got coming to them.
I have some thoughts sometimes that I can’t share apart from on here
Peter
One person I read about spoke to her counsellor and wanted others to die so that they could experience what she was going through. Drastic but understandable. I just don’t like couples being happy completely oblivious to the grief they’ve got coming to them.
I have some thoughts sometimes that I can’t share apart from on here
Peter
I think I feel more envy than resentment. Other peoples happiness just seems to highlight my sadness and emptiness. Then there is the occasional tactlessness, yesterday someone who is aware of my situation asked if I had any holidays planned for later in the year!
a neighbour who knows us both very well, forgot something and said they were having a dementia moment. my husband has never forgot it
People are so so tactless and stupid. I’m so mad about it and don’t think they should be given any allowance for these comments.
I’ve just arrived home after spending a day with my family. It’s really the first time I’ve socialised with other people and couples were interacting, laughing and lots of banter. It makes me feel really old making the effort because when it was just the two of us nothing really mattered as we just had each other. So after all the talking today I miss her more than ever especially driving home knowing the house is empty.
I know my feelings are mirrored by us fellow grievers. When I’m with other people I always feel Bridget is there with me but just out of reach. I’m not made to be without her and the separation is so very hard to accept. I’m so afraid she’ll become someone I used to know.
I’ve just arrived home after spending a day with my family. It’s really the first time I’ve socialised with other people and couples were interacting, laughing and lots of banter. It makes me feel really old making the effort because when it was just the two of us nothing really mattered as we just had each other. So after all the talking today I miss her more than ever especially driving home knowing the house is empty.
I know my feelings are mirrored by us fellow grievers. When I’m with other people I always feel Bridget is there with me but just out of reach. I’m not made to be without her and the separation is so very hard to accept. I’m so afraid she’ll become someone I used to know.
Last edited:
Just off to the home to see Bridget through the windows and hand some flowers through the door.
That’s it really. It helps me to put down what I’m doing like sharing with fellow feeling. Be kind to yourselves today and whatever you are feeling be reassured that it all normal.
That’s it really. It helps me to put down what I’m doing like sharing with fellow feeling. Be kind to yourselves today and whatever you are feeling be reassured that it all normal.
Keep posting @Dutchman. I hope your visit goes OK. I’m feeling very down today about not being able to visit my husband when I want to. It’s just as if he’s in prison. Not that I have had experience of that scenario I hasten to add! It just goes against all instinct to be there for him even though he has no idea who I am.
