Sugar in her coffee

Bikerbeth

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Feb 11, 2019
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Bedford
Nice visit with Mum today and what was lovely was that she knew I was her daughter today :)
I was talking to the Carer who has spend a lot of time working in the quarantine area recently and she agrees with me that Mum really just wants a ‘natter’ more than any activities. We are both on the same wave length - it does not make a difference that it does not make sense - what matters is that it is a 2 way conversation. I do feel I will have to put this on my C.V. as a special skill.
Mum was in a good mood and I don’t think we had any tears today. We had a natter, we had coffee, we read the reminiscence weekly paper and as I was allowed to take in my duly wiped over devirused ipad I could get some pictures on that of some gardens to talk to Mum about (Mum was a keen gardener)
On the way out the Carer did mention that Mum had disappeared the other day after tea and then come back to the lounge area dressed as if she was going to a toga party. Mum said she was going out dancing and was anyone else interested in going with her. As the Carer got called away I did not find out how she managed to get Mum back to her room and changed into more suitable attire.
 

Bikerbeth

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Feb 11, 2019
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Bedford
Mum was sat in the armchair in her room when I arrived today. I called up to the staff to let them know I was there and went into Mum. I got a mumbled hello. The Carer came down with Mum’s breakfast toast as apparently she had wandered off from the breakfast table leaving it there. I was back to being the sister but Mum was very ‘flat’ today. She did eat most of her toast. Later she had no interest in the Belgium bun (that she usually loves). No enthusiasm for anything I tried to talk to her about or show her on the iPad. It generally felt like a was the slightly annoying visitor but she politely tolerated me until I went. She was confused and asked me several times when her Mum was coming to visit her. Although she had agreed to me putting some hand cream on she became quite agitated when I did.
She was also tired as she kept yawning and her eyes were drooping so I left early.

I told the Carer I was leaving and that Mum was staying in her room as she felt tired. She told me that she thought Mum had been more confused this morning. She said she would leave her in her room for 30 mins until lunch time and see if a short nap ‘perked’ her up. We had a chat and it was good to know that she knew Mum had done a lot of dressmaking in the past. I know this is not in Mum’s about me notes as I forgot to put it in.
 

Grannie G

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Apr 3, 2006
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Kent
It will be some consolation to feel the staff `know` your mum @Bikerbeth although worrying if she seemed more confused. Let`s hope it was just a down day.
 

Bikerbeth

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Feb 11, 2019
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Bedford
Thank you @Grannie G. I know she has a ‘meds’ review with the mental health team tomorrow.
It will be ‘interesting’ as it is booked in for late afternoon when Mum is not good anyway. This is also combined with Mum moving out of the quarantine wing after 8 weeks to go back to the dementia floor via the on site hairdresser (first time in 5 months) so that will probably add to her confusion. At least with the essential visits I can see what is happening and the senior nurse will have a chat with me on Thursday when I go in.
 

jennifer1967

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Mar 15, 2020
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Southampton
Thank you @Grannie G. I know she has a ‘meds’ review with the mental health team tomorrow.
It will be ‘interesting’ as it is booked in for late afternoon when Mum is not good anyway. This is also combined with Mum moving out of the quarantine wing after 8 weeks to go back to the dementia floor via the on site hairdresser (first time in 5 months) so that will probably add to her confusion. At least with the essential visits I can see what is happening and the senior nurse will have a chat with me on Thursday when I go in.
theres a lot of changes going on but the hairdresser might give her a boost with a bit of pampering. thank goodness isolation has now ended. that was cruel for that long.
 

Bikerbeth

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Feb 11, 2019
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Bedford
theres a lot of changes going on but the hairdresser might give her a boost with a bit of pampering. thank goodness isolation has now ended. that was cruel for that long.
I was told by the staff yesterday that she was well pleased with the haircut but was not impressed with being moved.
I went to see Mum today and walked in to be greeted by Mrs Angry. She told me that the children had stolen £800 from her bag. I told her that we had taken it to the bank yesterday so it was all safe. To which I got the reply ‘so how am I going to get down to the bank to get my money out’. I said we can walk down there tomorrow but it’s too wet today (fortunately it was raining outside) . I sat down and after a bit of pacing around she sat on the end of her bed. As she started rubbing her arms I asked her if she was cold and she said Yes, so I asked her if I should get her a cardi out of her wardrobe and she said yes. I then asked if she wanted some coffee and again she said yes so I found a staff member who said they would make us one. Fortunately Mum was now totally distracted from her money and the rest of the visit was lovely.
For me being able to go back into Mum’s room was good.
It looks so bleak in there, bleak is perhaps too strong a word, more like a hotel room - just functional She frequently takes all her photos down and has destroyed many of the frames. I wonder if she takes them down as she still believes she will be leaving when she gets better. On the other hand though, Mum never had any photos around at home except one of my Dad and one of me and my brother in her bedroom. She does have a vase of artificial sunflowers which she has had for a long time which have also stood the test of time. I will speak to the manager about putting up a picture frame with photos in it or perhaps a couple of pictures. Mum did have some ornaments in her lounge but I don’t think it is right to take them in as they are heavy and I would not like her throwing them at anyone. (Which has been known when she is angry)
She does like her ‘little puppy dog’ so I am also going to try her with a soft toy giraffe ( as she is fascinated by giraffes)
Her clothes do need sorting out though. There was a cardi that had shrunk and I found a few more with buttons missing but why o why don’t the staff tell you. I could have fixed them (the cardi’s had spare buttons on the labels) - surely the laundry would have noticed. We will see what else needs repairing or replacing over the next few weeks when I visit. I still have 2 cases of good clothes at my house of Mum’s that I can take in as needed.
 

jennifer1967

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Mar 15, 2020
23,146
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Southampton
I was told by the staff yesterday that she was well pleased with the haircut but was not impressed with being moved.
I went to see Mum today and walked in to be greeted by Mrs Angry. She told me that the children had stolen £800 from her bag. I told her that we had taken it to the bank yesterday so it was all safe. To which I got the reply ‘so how am I going to get down to the bank to get my money out’. I said we can walk down there tomorrow but it’s too wet today (fortunately it was raining outside) . I sat down and after a bit of pacing around she sat on the end of her bed. As she started rubbing her arms I asked her if she was cold and she said Yes, so I asked her if I should get her a cardi out of her wardrobe and she said yes. I then asked if she wanted some coffee and again she said yes so I found a staff member who said they would make us one. Fortunately Mum was now totally distracted from her money and the rest of the visit was lovely.
For me being able to go back into Mum’s room was good.
It looks so bleak in there, bleak is perhaps too strong a word, more like a hotel room - just functional She frequently takes all her photos down and has destroyed many of the frames. I wonder if she takes them down as she still believes she will be leaving when she gets better. On the other hand though, Mum never had any photos around at home except one of my Dad and one of me and my brother in her bedroom. She does have a vase of artificial sunflowers which she has had for a long time which have also stood the test of time. I will speak to the manager about putting up a picture frame with photos in it or perhaps a couple of pictures. Mum did have some ornaments in her lounge but I don’t think it is right to take them in as they are heavy and I would not like her throwing them at anyone. (Which has been known when she is angry)
She does like her ‘little puppy dog’ so I am also going to try her with a soft toy giraffe ( as she is fascinated by giraffes)
Her clothes do need sorting out though. There was a cardi that had shrunk and I found a few more with buttons missing but why o why don’t the staff tell you. I could have fixed them (the cardi’s had spare buttons on the labels) - surely the laundry would have noticed. We will see what else needs repairing or replacing over the next few weeks when I visit. I still have 2 cases of good clothes at my house of Mum’s that I can take in as needed.
sounds like a nice visit in the end. i used to collect up residents clothes and repair them. they cant wear them if they are damaged. would help if they told you. we used to have a tick list for hand over so it wasnt time consuming but the information could be passed on and behaviour could be monitored. the owner loved paperwork as evidence. soft toys and unbreakables are probably the way to go. i remember getting hit with a walking stick a few times, they are lethal!!
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
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Nottinghamshire
That sounds another positive visit, and glad you could get to see your mum's room and know what you need to do to make it more cheerful. The deflection of your mum's concern about the 'stolen money' sounds really well done. I hope that one doesn't re-appear. I wonder if fairly abstract pictures or landscapes might be more soothing for your mum than photographs?
 

anxious annie

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Jan 2, 2019
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Pleased to hear that you are now able to get into your mum's room and can sort some things out during your visit. Visits seem to be going well on the whole, you're very good at diverting your mum's attention so she doesn't fixate on things. Hope you'll be able to get outside in the sunshine, if we ever get any!
 

Bikerbeth

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Feb 11, 2019
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Bedford
Perhaps that is why Mum’s walking stick has been lost @jennifer1967 but I have told staff it does need to be found so that I can take Mum out into the wider world which will be ‘permitted’ from 17th May.
That is a good idea @Sarasa regarding landscapes as she loved the Lake District. I suppose I was thinking photos in a frame to try and help the Carers as well. The money question frequently appears but fortunately because I had been dealing with her finances for 5 years plus before she went into the CH she does seem to accept what I say at the moment. It was why originally she did have a small amount of money in a purse because she didn’t fret then and at the time she would have known if it was not ‘proper’ money.
Thank you @anxious annie it has been brilliant go back inside. The CH have really stepped up with the new manager. 2 relatives can have 1hour visits each week or 1 relative x 2 visits a week. Another 2 relatives can have garden visits outside under cover and socially distanced once a week. The relatives do have to be consistent. Additionally I think 9 out of 18 residents have a nominated essential care giver. It also seems that all essential care givers can go in as needed/required/wanted. So my Mum is best in the morning compared to some residents and I can go in up to 6 times a week 10am to 12, whereas other relatives prefer to go at meal times. I know some Care Homes have better visiting but most relatives/residents at Mum’s seem happy with this. It is certainly good progress.
Today’s visit was also good. When I arrived Mum was still having breakfast and as it is in a small dining area for dementia residents I was allowed to sit in there providing I remained socially distanced from the other residents and the windows were all slightly open. One of the other residents had been sent in some 2 new pairs of trainers and one of the admin staff was showing the resident. They were rather lovely. The Carers were also commenting and they joined Mum into the conversation as well and gave her time to speak (even though what she said did not make sense) so she was laughing and smiling. One of the Carers said she loved my Mum’s laugh to me. From when I arrived to when we left the dining area Mum never let go of my hand not in a bad way because she was worried or frightened but in a nice way. We then went to sit in her room for a bit and chat. I went out to make Mum another cup of tea and started talking to the nurse who was giving me an update on how Mum had settled in upstairs again (keeping an eye on her as she keeps trying to escape) Mum came out to find me and her face was not amused- fortunately she accepted my apology for getting distracted and I said I had been talking to the nurse about holiday destinations and Mum accepted that and she was fine again for the rest of the visit.
 

jennifer1967

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Mar 15, 2020
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Southampton
Perhaps that is why Mum’s walking stick has been lost @jennifer1967 but I have told staff it does need to be found so that I can take Mum out into the wider world which will be ‘permitted’ from 17th May.
That is a good idea @Sarasa regarding landscapes as she loved the Lake District. I suppose I was thinking photos in a frame to try and help the Carers as well. The money question frequently appears but fortunately because I had been dealing with her finances for 5 years plus before she went into the CH she does seem to accept what I say at the moment. It was why originally she did have a small amount of money in a purse because she didn’t fret then and at the time she would have known if it was not ‘proper’ money.
Thank you @anxious annie it has been brilliant go back inside. The CH have really stepped up with the new manager. 2 relatives can have 1hour visits each week or 1 relative x 2 visits a week. Another 2 relatives can have garden visits outside under cover and socially distanced once a week. The relatives do have to be consistent. Additionally I think 9 out of 18 residents have a nominated essential care giver. It also seems that all essential care givers can go in as needed/required/wanted. So my Mum is best in the morning compared to some residents and I can go in up to 6 times a week 10am to 12, whereas other relatives prefer to go at meal times. I know some Care Homes have better visiting but most relatives/residents at Mum’s seem happy with this. It is certainly good progress.
Today’s visit was also good. When I arrived Mum was still having breakfast and as it is in a small dining area for dementia residents I was allowed to sit in there providing I remained socially distanced from the other residents and the windows were all slightly open. One of the other residents had been sent in some 2 new pairs of trainers and one of the admin staff was showing the resident. They were rather lovely. The Carers were also commenting and they joined Mum into the conversation as well and gave her time to speak (even though what she said did not make sense) so she was laughing and smiling. One of the Carers said she loved my Mum’s laugh to me. From when I arrived to when we left the dining area Mum never let go of my hand not in a bad way because she was worried or frightened but in a nice way. We then went to sit in her room for a bit and chat. I went out to make Mum another cup of tea and started talking to the nurse who was giving me an update on how Mum had settled in upstairs again (keeping an eye on her as she keeps trying to escape) Mum came out to find me and her face was not amused- fortunately she accepted my apology for getting distracted and I said I had been talking to the nurse about holiday destinations and Mum accepted that and she was fine again for the rest of the visit.
that was nice visit. they shouldnt keep her walking stick any way even if she might use it. i never took the walking stick off of the person who gave me a few clouts.i just needed to be quicker next time.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
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Nottinghamshire
That sounds a lovely visit @Bikerbeth, ad it sounds like your mum is settling in upstairs again.
Hope you find the walking stick. My mum would refuse to use one, though she could really do with one or a frame. You don't think your mum has hidden it do you?
 

Bikerbeth

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Feb 11, 2019
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Bedford
that was nice visit. they shouldnt keep her walking stick any way even if she might use it. i never took the walking stick off of the person who gave me a few clouts.i just needed to be quicker next time.
Sorry I was only joking. I don’t think the staff would keep her walking stick . I think it has genuinely just gone ‘walk about’ as Mum only really needed it when we went on longer walks outside. It was also similar to another ladies. I don’t think she would have hidden it @Sarasa as she did not mind using it as she could see the benefits.
 

jennifer1967

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Mar 15, 2020
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Southampton
Sorry I was only joking. I don’t think the staff would keep her walking stick . I think it has genuinely just gone ‘walk about’ as Mum only really needed it when we went on longer walks outside. It was also similar to another ladies. I don’t think she would have hidden it @Sarasa as she did not mind using it as she could see the benefits.
i wish they hid the walking stick which was wacked on my back. im still not sure why i didnt move rather taking it. there was another person who ran at me with a plank of wood. where they get their strength from, i dont know
 

Bikerbeth

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Feb 11, 2019
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Bedford
So visits this week have been a little different. Mon and Thur apparently she had got up and had her breakfast and then gone back to bed. Thur apparently she had been up wandering from about 4am so that did explain why she was tired. Whilst I was there she did not sleep but ‘behaved’ like an invalid. Monday she did eventually get up but Thur she refused. I don’t mean it unkindly but it seemed a bit like an act. Thur did work quite well as I took in a random glossy magazine with landscapes and gardens in and she enjoyed looking through it and ‘chatted’ about it.
Thur afternoon she had another fall. The staff said she went to sit down but ‘missed’ the chair. As she hit her head and Mum is on anticoagulants an ambulance was called and with some reluctance she headed to hospital where I met her at A&E. It took about 3 hours to get the CT scan done and the Registrar to confirm that there was no bleeding on the brain. Good news obviously. Apart from a couple of times when she said ‘ she was fed up so she was going home’ she was generally calm and happy to chat. Pleased that there were no issues.
Another positive - care home policy had changed that day - no quarantine after GP, dental, opticians and hospital appointments (including short A&E visits) so Mum could go back to her room.
Friday morning I went back and she was in bed again and had had her breakfast in bed. She was tired and her eyes kept shutting - the nurse was keeping an eye on her but we both thought it was due to the ‘excitement’ of Thur afternoon. Unfortunately they had some people in doing a deep clean of the carpets so Mum did not get the opportunity to sleep due to the noise. I was surprised that the activity coordinator had not organised an activity out of the ‘wing’ whilst it was being done as the noise gave me a headache so I felt really sorry for the residents. With all this unsurprisingly Mum was quite grumpy.
nurse did say the physio was coming in to see Mum (and hopefully this is added incentive to find her walking stick which I emailed the manager about finding again this week). On her advise we have taken a pair of shoes away from Mum that she is unsafe to walk in now. She has also advised some ‘bootie’ Velcro fastening slippers. I think Mum will throw them at me in disgust but i have ordered some along with another pair of ordinary Velcro fastening slippers similar to what she already has. For some reason she keeps removing the insoles from them and we can’t work out why. This time we will try some superglue or similar to hold them in.
 

jennifer1967

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Mar 15, 2020
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Southampton
So visits this week have been a little different. Mon and Thur apparently she had got up and had her breakfast and then gone back to bed. Thur apparently she had been up wandering from about 4am so that did explain why she was tired. Whilst I was there she did not sleep but ‘behaved’ like an invalid. Monday she did eventually get up but Thur she refused. I don’t mean it unkindly but it seemed a bit like an act. Thur did work quite well as I took in a random glossy magazine with landscapes and gardens in and she enjoyed looking through it and ‘chatted’ about it.
Thur afternoon she had another fall. The staff said she went to sit down but ‘missed’ the chair. As she hit her head and Mum is on anticoagulants an ambulance was called and with some reluctance she headed to hospital where I met her at A&E. It took about 3 hours to get the CT scan done and the Registrar to confirm that there was no bleeding on the brain. Good news obviously. Apart from a couple of times when she said ‘ she was fed up so she was going home’ she was generally calm and happy to chat. Pleased that there were no issues.
Another positive - care home policy had changed that day - no quarantine after GP, dental, opticians and hospital appointments (including short A&E visits) so Mum could go back to her room.
Friday morning I went back and she was in bed again and had had her breakfast in bed. She was tired and her eyes kept shutting - the nurse was keeping an eye on her but we both thought it was due to the ‘excitement’ of Thur afternoon. Unfortunately they had some people in doing a deep clean of the carpets so Mum did not get the opportunity to sleep due to the noise. I was surprised that the activity coordinator had not organised an activity out of the ‘wing’ whilst it was being done as the noise gave me a headache so I felt really sorry for the residents. With all this unsurprisingly Mum was quite grumpy.
nurse did say the physio was coming in to see Mum (and hopefully this is added incentive to find her walking stick which I emailed the manager about finding again this week). On her advise we have taken a pair of shoes away from Mum that she is unsafe to walk in now. She has also advised some ‘bootie’ Velcro fastening slippers. I think Mum will throw them at me in disgust but i have ordered some along with another pair of ordinary Velcro fastening slippers similar to what she already has. For some reason she keeps removing the insoles from them and we can’t work out why. This time we will try some superglue or similar to hold them in.
not such a great week for your mum. any noise disturbs them so i would wonder why they were not taken elsewhere. maybe its just because your mum can remove the insoles that shes taking them out. good she didnt to quarantine again, your mum has been put through enough quarantine wise
 

Sarasa

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Apr 13, 2018
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Nottinghamshire
A bit of a mixed week @Bikerbeth, but glad there was no quarantining after the A&E visit.
When I saw mum on Thursday she was wearing someone else's shoes. Very sensible 'old lady' shoes with sturdy Velcro fastenings. I probably should have flagged up they weren't mum's but as they were a lot more trip proof than the flimsy sandals she often wears I let it be. It does show how far mum has declined, as they are exactly the sort of things mum would have refused to wear a couple of years ago. For most of her seventies and eighties her main complaint about getting older was that she couldn't wear high heels anymore.
My husband went to see his mum for a couple of days this week and she spent a lot of the time in bed, I think it's a natural progression of this vile disease.
 

Bikerbeth

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Feb 11, 2019
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0
Bedford
You could be right @jennifer1967, probably as part of her tidying up.
I think I would have done the same as you @Sarasa with regard to the slippers - could you get her the same ones as she has taken a fancy to them.

Monday Mum actually wanted some help tidying her ‘stuff’ so I seized the opportunity and went through most of her clothes - brought some home for mending (mainly missing buttons off cardis). Removed the trousers that don’t fit and a swimming costume (pre COVID and at an earlier stage they did take residents to the local swimming pool) which she won’t use now. I tried once again to see if the slippers my brother brought her were too small or she just didn’t want to wear them. They were tight so I brought them home only to find out later there were pop socks stuffed into the toes which I had not seen.
The physio came in whilst I was there to assess Mum and see if she could ‘help’ prevent Mum’s falls. Unfortunately Mum did not take to her and because the physio talked quite quickly I think Mum got stressed and then angry as she could not follow what she was saying. So when the physio asked Mum is she could see her walk Mum literally jumped out of her chair and raced round the bed to her door. How she did not fall who knows. Physio concluded that she could not do a lot for Mum except that I and the Carers should get her to walk slower as Mum told her that was how she normally walked. I saw the physio later and said Mum only walked that quick because she was in a ‘strop’ to which I was told she didn’t think my Mum was in a ‘strop’ . The Carer who was in the room at the time as well said to me later she knew my Mum was getting angry because of the way her eyes start to glare. Carer said she knows when Mum starts to glare like that it is time to give her some space.
mum did tell me later that she was frustrated as she did not understand all that was being said and nobody was giving her time (including me) and she felt we were taken her control away. She did not quite put it like that but that was the gist and she was quite correct.
tomorrow I will just try and make it a chatty visit.