She's screaming Leo! out the window and around the house. Leo is her dog, and he's just chilling out at her feet. Oh, she's fiddling with the exit door, there are stairs and she has osteoarthritis so back in a minute. Okay, back to just screaming Leo around the house, result. I guess this is sun downing, this is following another refreshing afternoon of endless discussion of when we're moving back to a non-existent house. I've given up ages ago telling her this is her house, I just keep making up lies for why we can't go. She seems more okay with this than outright telling her she's wrong. Oh, we're going out to hunt for Leo now, back in 20 min. 10 min actually, not bad. Just went banging on a neighbours door asking where Leo was with Leo at our feet, they seemed confused Such an odd disease, she's actually looked at Leo and said ''Come on Leo let's go find Leo!'.
I agreed to care for my grandmother rather impulsively, I'm third year of university and thought it'd be feasible since all classes were online. I said I'd do at least one year and we are 9 months deep. I've told them I can't do it anymore, I've scrubbed up and washed every bodily fluid imaginable, had coffee thrown at me, told I'm a tramp and a simpleton, and when I'm not doing this I'm rushing around trying to catch up with the work that I'm missing. Man, it's mental how a half hour conversation with her zombifies me, I can hardly string a sentence together in my head let alone write an essay. Serious props to the support team, I have at least not had to shower her. Only seen her naked once, when she just didn't seem to fancy clothes in the early morning, Hallelujah. I have spent many nights up until 3-4 in the morning terrified she'll leave in the night to 'find a party'. My option is that or hide the keys, in which case I'll get temper tantrums and wild accusations the next day.
Sarcastic hallelujah aside, I do understand she is the one going through immense torment, and that myriad carers on this forum have it so much worse than me. I just get so anxious because I'm young, and now I'm thinking of when I'll be able to leave and get back to my life. I did love my gran but I only met her a dozen times or so before this, she lived far away and we didn't have any special bond and she's not my responsibility. The reason I haven't given up yet is because I am convinced she will die if she is left alone, there's nobody else around to take her on. She has osteoarthritis in a second floor flat, suffered a broken hip and collar bone in the last 3 years, yet has no anxiety about running around and leaving the house. She can't work a television remote, but will fire up the grill, stick mince in a washing machine whatever. To top it off, she's an alcoholic and will always run off if she's not got booze. Even Leo is a hazard, she wants to walk him and he can pull her over easily.
Basically, I feel like I'm trapped with this person. I volunteered for one year, that was my commitment but this person is so frail and far-gone that if an alternative isn't organised I could be stuck here a long time. I can't do my final year in this situation, with her only getting worse I'd have to drop out. A social worker has told us that a care home is being organised but if she refuses then this will be my life until whenever she passes on.
This is so self-centred a post, I do feel guilt about my feelings and putting her in a home but that's another reason why I can't stand this. No matter what you do, you always feel like ****, like you've ****ed up or a horrible person. As noted in the title, this is just a sort of vent.
I agreed to care for my grandmother rather impulsively, I'm third year of university and thought it'd be feasible since all classes were online. I said I'd do at least one year and we are 9 months deep. I've told them I can't do it anymore, I've scrubbed up and washed every bodily fluid imaginable, had coffee thrown at me, told I'm a tramp and a simpleton, and when I'm not doing this I'm rushing around trying to catch up with the work that I'm missing. Man, it's mental how a half hour conversation with her zombifies me, I can hardly string a sentence together in my head let alone write an essay. Serious props to the support team, I have at least not had to shower her. Only seen her naked once, when she just didn't seem to fancy clothes in the early morning, Hallelujah. I have spent many nights up until 3-4 in the morning terrified she'll leave in the night to 'find a party'. My option is that or hide the keys, in which case I'll get temper tantrums and wild accusations the next day.
Sarcastic hallelujah aside, I do understand she is the one going through immense torment, and that myriad carers on this forum have it so much worse than me. I just get so anxious because I'm young, and now I'm thinking of when I'll be able to leave and get back to my life. I did love my gran but I only met her a dozen times or so before this, she lived far away and we didn't have any special bond and she's not my responsibility. The reason I haven't given up yet is because I am convinced she will die if she is left alone, there's nobody else around to take her on. She has osteoarthritis in a second floor flat, suffered a broken hip and collar bone in the last 3 years, yet has no anxiety about running around and leaving the house. She can't work a television remote, but will fire up the grill, stick mince in a washing machine whatever. To top it off, she's an alcoholic and will always run off if she's not got booze. Even Leo is a hazard, she wants to walk him and he can pull her over easily.
Basically, I feel like I'm trapped with this person. I volunteered for one year, that was my commitment but this person is so frail and far-gone that if an alternative isn't organised I could be stuck here a long time. I can't do my final year in this situation, with her only getting worse I'd have to drop out. A social worker has told us that a care home is being organised but if she refuses then this will be my life until whenever she passes on.
This is so self-centred a post, I do feel guilt about my feelings and putting her in a home but that's another reason why I can't stand this. No matter what you do, you always feel like ****, like you've ****ed up or a horrible person. As noted in the title, this is just a sort of vent.