Dear
@Wildflowerlady,
I hope you are okay after visiting your dad.
Hugs
MaNaAk
Thank you
@MaNaAk I was just thinking of updating when I saw your post. I did see dad this afternoon as arranged this morning, CH as always did the covid Test. The receptionist said was I not able to visit dad yesterday so I explained that I was told no visits were allowed over the weekend when I called Saturday to make an arrangement to see him. The receptionist raised her eyes obviously thinking was a mistake and asked who told me that. I said I wasn't sure who I had spoken with so receptionist said she would check whilst waiting for results of my covid test. I said I was disappointed as thought the manager had implied different when dad confirmed end of life and so did she. It turned out it was actually the Deputy Manager so the receptionist seemed satisfied as to why I was not allowed to visit and said she was told it was because of covid cases however she did say there were no cases of covid on dads floor. I know at the time I was passed from first person I spoke with as they were thinking no visits but clearly the Deputy Manager must make the decision if Manager not there.
The nurse on dads floor and I had a chat before I went into dad she told me their GP had seen dad this morning and dad was comfortable and medications are there. Nurse also said that dad was not requesting anything but if he had they would try as their GP said they could however from hospital notes view was that dad would have issues with swallowing. Nurse told me that there was a slight change in dads breathing now and explained that different organs being effected. I reiterated that I would like to be with dad at end if possible she said they would try their best but sometimes not always possible as sometimes passing could happen really quickly. I said I understood but can get there quite quickly if they could possibly notify me.
I went into dad nurse had given me apron and gloves and I had my mask on from entering CH, she indicated by her hand I could give dad a little touch but got the impression to be discreet. Dad actually opened his eyes a few times during my visit but not sure how aware he was so I took nurses suggestion of chatting to dad about nice things as she said hearing last thing to go. I was a bit taken back as first time dads eyes opened his eyes rolled upwards but then settled into normal position. Dad mumbled and grimaced a couple of times and think he managed a little smirk but no real conversation. I reminded dad a few times who I was and told him I loved him a few times too I talked about his holidays in his caravan with mum and their dogs, weather, taking him to supermarket where he used to enjoy his lunch anything I could think of. Dad had quite a bruise on his arm probably from the IV last week. Dad raised his hand so I took it and stroked it and then held it hoping I wouldn't get told off if someone came in but felt dad needed to have me hold his hand it was like he was reaching out to me for comfort and I needed it too,. I think dad may have been a little frightened a couple of times my head wondering if he knows his time to leave us is near. Dad rested his hand on the bumper of his bed a bit as well. Dad actually had his own Pajamas on today as had hospital type gowns on before. I found the visit difficult as could tell what nurse meant about dads breathing dad breathed a bit heavy even yawned once but then seemed like his breathing stopped and then then started again. I have read this happens as someone gets near to passing I felt myself wishing he would pass right then whilst I was with him as I don't want him to be alone and frightened. I was allowed to stay for just over a hour and then Nurse said sorry but that was time they were allowing. I said goodbye to dad and I said sister would see him tomorrow ( I am assuming she is planning to go but we have not spoken ). I said to dad we would both keep coming to see him but I'm not sure dad will hang on much longer.