Apologies if this has been covered, as I'm sure it has. My dad is 88 and is the sole carer for my mother, who has dementia. She can't do anything for herself at all but he refuses point blank to get help. Their GP is unsympathetic and useless, and hasn't seen Mum physically for two years now as all consultations are on the phone, even before Covid.
Mum wanders around the house all night and is incontinent. She doesn't know where she is. She doesn't recognise her grandchildren. She's underweight and isn't able to wash or dress herself. And yet Dad refuses point blank to get help, other than a cleaner from Age UK. He does all the shopping, cooking and washing and still drives. But he's clearly exhausted. He recently had a bad fall and fractured his skull and had the cleaner not been there, he would have bled to death.
He won't talk to my brother or I about getting help but insists everything is OK; he's a very proud man and I think he's afraid she will be 'taken away' from him. But with winter coming and less opportunity to escape in the garden, plus the prospect of further lockdown, I can only see things getting worse. I need a strategy before there's an avoidable tragedy. Should I write to him, as he won't talk? Ask the GP for help, which would mean going behind his back? I really am desperate and what's even more frustrating is that a carer coming in a few times a week would make their lives so much better, and they can afford it, but he won't entertain it. Thanks in advance for any ideas.
Mum wanders around the house all night and is incontinent. She doesn't know where she is. She doesn't recognise her grandchildren. She's underweight and isn't able to wash or dress herself. And yet Dad refuses point blank to get help, other than a cleaner from Age UK. He does all the shopping, cooking and washing and still drives. But he's clearly exhausted. He recently had a bad fall and fractured his skull and had the cleaner not been there, he would have bled to death.
He won't talk to my brother or I about getting help but insists everything is OK; he's a very proud man and I think he's afraid she will be 'taken away' from him. But with winter coming and less opportunity to escape in the garden, plus the prospect of further lockdown, I can only see things getting worse. I need a strategy before there's an avoidable tragedy. Should I write to him, as he won't talk? Ask the GP for help, which would mean going behind his back? I really am desperate and what's even more frustrating is that a carer coming in a few times a week would make their lives so much better, and they can afford it, but he won't entertain it. Thanks in advance for any ideas.