Elderly dad trying to care for mum

[Kazzababs]

My mum has dementia and is starting to get difficult to care for. My elderly dad who has his own health issues is her main carer. I have 3 siblings and we all do as much as we can. He is doing his best but is not a very good carer. He looses his temper easily, still gets cross when she gets upset or confised. She often gets up at night and he sleeps through and often wakes to find she has been wandering round the house and weeing on the floor not the toilet. He loves her I know but is very stubborn so we are not sure how to move forward. I just wonder if anybody else is in a similar position?

 

[lemonbalm]

Hello @Kazzababs . I think it's difficult for our parents' generation, who often think that needing, or asking for, help is a sign of weakness. Mental health wasn't really discussed in their day and everyone was expected to jolly well pull themselves together and get on with it. Trying to support stubborn parents is a frequent issue and there will be lots of advice for you here. Do you have any kind of support in place at the moment? If not, do you think your parents accept some outside help to take the pressure off your Dad and help your mum?

There are things you can do to help your mum find the toilet at night, like a brightly coloured toilet seat, leaving the bathroom light on at night, putting a sign on the toilet door. and/or a sign pointing the way to the toilet. Is your mum actually getting as far as the toilet or just weeing anywhere?

 

[Kazzababs]

Thanks for your reply. We do have a carer in place who comes in daily to help mum get washed and dressed. My dad slightly takes her over and loves to talk to her and my mum often gets left say listening to them ! Anyway she is definitely helping with the morning routine.

Regarding the toilet my mum tells us when she needs the toilet in the day and we have to show her so basically never remembers where it is. Also when she gets to the toilet we have to point and show her exactly where it is so I think she can just not remember either where it is or what to do when she is there? Very difficult to deal with.

 

[PatAnn]

Thanks for your reply. We do have a carer in place who comes in daily to help mum get washed and dressed. My dad slightly takes her over and loves to talk to her and my mum often gets left say listening to them ! Anyway she is definitely helping with the morning routine.

Regarding the toilet my mum tells us when she needs the toilet in the day and we have to show her so basically never remembers where it is. Also when she gets to the toilet we have to point and show her exactly where it is so I think she can just not remember either where it is or what to do when she is there? Very difficult to deal with.

My OH could never remember where the toilet was and what to do when he got in there I tried the red strip all around the door a huge picture of a toilet on the door but for us nothing seemed to work we had accidents every where this went on until he became incontinent and was wearing pads and beware you end up having to repaint toilet door as well xx