This is a very strange feeling. So having cared for mum for years she went into a care home 7 weeks ago. It’s been a rough journey...Covid, no visits at first, she wants to come home, a UTI, 2 falls, losing weight...but she’s ok and the home is good. Ive just cleared the house where she lived for 53 years and I grew up.
until she went in the care home I spent a huge amount of time at her house, shopping, cleaning, supporting her dementia and anxiety and took up to 20 calls per day/night. I am an only child so it was only ever me. I’ve felt dreadful since she went in, the guilt is huge, it’s consuming, I’ve not been in a good place but today I felt like something was starting to feel different...it was strange and I couldn’t work out what it was...and then I realised I felt like I was coming to terms with her not being around and not ‘having’ to constantly consider her needs.
It then made me realise that these last few weeks have I been grieving for losing her?? Even though she is still very much alive? It feels wrong that I am feeling some relief and enjoying some time with my family. It’s like I keep ‘forgetting’ about her??
until she went in the care home I spent a huge amount of time at her house, shopping, cleaning, supporting her dementia and anxiety and took up to 20 calls per day/night. I am an only child so it was only ever me. I’ve felt dreadful since she went in, the guilt is huge, it’s consuming, I’ve not been in a good place but today I felt like something was starting to feel different...it was strange and I couldn’t work out what it was...and then I realised I felt like I was coming to terms with her not being around and not ‘having’ to constantly consider her needs.
It then made me realise that these last few weeks have I been grieving for losing her?? Even though she is still very much alive? It feels wrong that I am feeling some relief and enjoying some time with my family. It’s like I keep ‘forgetting’ about her??