Each experience colors our design. Our pain and sorrow and joy give the depth that one-day will move us to say, "I see, I understand."
I will be grateful for the experiences today that give my tapestry its beauty.
Hi TP friends,
I am here reading posts of other partners and reflecting about my life. Once again, I say to newcomers....I have lived with Nick and his Alzheimers all these years because of the support and good advice I got early. Get help early, be willing to bring outside carers into the house to help, before you actually need them. I struggled to find funding from the Swiss gov't for help, and I have used our savings to so that I could have extra help. It has been worth the money and of course, it has proved less expensive than having Nick live in a care home. (which I believe could eventually happen, I just take it one day at a time) Although, family and friends have been loving and supportive, their reliability to help consistently and reliably is just not possible. I have had to create a support group of paid employees to live this life at home for 18 years.
Wednesday evening, I had two musicians friends over for dinner. It was lovely in the end. But I worked so hard to make it lovely and spent so much energy on a dinner for three of us, I think it may be the last time I entertain at home. I am a perfectionist and so there is always internal pressure to have everything just so. I did not do my normal cooking and used recipes as one of the women is a vegetarian and gluten free. I made it harder than it should have been. ( and to think 20 years ago I cooked for a party at home for 100 people in a marquee in the garden-doing the cooking myself and having staff for serving and cleaning up. I did all the flowers, etc)
It was difficult preparing all the food for just the three of us, it took away from my focus from Nick's needs . He notices somehow when my attention is directed elsewhere. And cleaning the house.....as it rained and we had to social distance inside which was not the plan. I had hoped to eat in the garden. But the conversations were interesting and as these are friends who I do not see very often, we had much to catch up on.
Nick's favorite carer, lovely Andrea of Windsor, came for the evening. In the past, when I have had dinner parties, she sits with him at the table with the guests and takes care of him. But this time, I sent her out with him on a walk and then they went to a local restaurant and ate outside under a covered terrace. They both enjoyed their evening out. She then gave him his meds, and brought him home, showered and into his pjs, then into bed about 9:30. My guests never saw him. She then came up and joined us for dessert and coffee. She is such a dear girl , and with her support I can enjoy my life, as it was in the old days.....just sadly not with Nicky as he was.
Will I do this again? Not for awhile. I will see my very dearest friends and family and eat with them, as they are easily pleased and I do not have to fall into my perfectionism to enjoy their company. It takes a lot of work to organize a "normal" life, the COVID has made me aware of this. Not doing much of anything anymore, it the easier way. And truth be told I am older, now 66 and acceptance of quieter life is what is required.
Yesterday, we were back to our normal routine, breakfast, hike, housework and evening TV. It is hard work to stay part of the stream of life, between caring for Nicky and COVID19 restrictions, But today this is everyone's way of life. But I am making a few plans. I will go on a two day hike in the mountains with a woman friend, August 9 and 10th. Actually staying in a small hotel in the mountains, providing nothing changes with restrictions.
And I have decided to go to the grand opening of the Sinfonieorchester Basel's return to the stage on August 26. It has taken four years for the renovations to be completed to the 18th century building. The audience will be distanced and wear masks. Unfortunately, the program had to be revised , originally they were to play a Mahler symphony with full 110 musicians on stage, but do to Covid the program has been changed. So, it will be Beethoven, Dvorak, Strauss and more. And there will be no gala party as originally planned. But I will have a reason to do my hair, put on my makeup (heavy on the eye makeup above the mask , and wear something beautiful). I am willing to take the risk and hope it happens. I cannot live a life without music.
How are you are able to your lives, as you journey the long goodbye? We each have to cope? there are good days and bad days........unhealthy days and hopeful days. Love to hear from you all about what is up in your lives...
I will be grateful for the experiences today that give my tapestry its beauty.
Hi TP friends,
I am here reading posts of other partners and reflecting about my life. Once again, I say to newcomers....I have lived with Nick and his Alzheimers all these years because of the support and good advice I got early. Get help early, be willing to bring outside carers into the house to help, before you actually need them. I struggled to find funding from the Swiss gov't for help, and I have used our savings to so that I could have extra help. It has been worth the money and of course, it has proved less expensive than having Nick live in a care home. (which I believe could eventually happen, I just take it one day at a time) Although, family and friends have been loving and supportive, their reliability to help consistently and reliably is just not possible. I have had to create a support group of paid employees to live this life at home for 18 years.
Wednesday evening, I had two musicians friends over for dinner. It was lovely in the end. But I worked so hard to make it lovely and spent so much energy on a dinner for three of us, I think it may be the last time I entertain at home. I am a perfectionist and so there is always internal pressure to have everything just so. I did not do my normal cooking and used recipes as one of the women is a vegetarian and gluten free. I made it harder than it should have been. ( and to think 20 years ago I cooked for a party at home for 100 people in a marquee in the garden-doing the cooking myself and having staff for serving and cleaning up. I did all the flowers, etc)
It was difficult preparing all the food for just the three of us, it took away from my focus from Nick's needs . He notices somehow when my attention is directed elsewhere. And cleaning the house.....as it rained and we had to social distance inside which was not the plan. I had hoped to eat in the garden. But the conversations were interesting and as these are friends who I do not see very often, we had much to catch up on.
Nick's favorite carer, lovely Andrea of Windsor, came for the evening. In the past, when I have had dinner parties, she sits with him at the table with the guests and takes care of him. But this time, I sent her out with him on a walk and then they went to a local restaurant and ate outside under a covered terrace. They both enjoyed their evening out. She then gave him his meds, and brought him home, showered and into his pjs, then into bed about 9:30. My guests never saw him. She then came up and joined us for dessert and coffee. She is such a dear girl , and with her support I can enjoy my life, as it was in the old days.....just sadly not with Nicky as he was.
Will I do this again? Not for awhile. I will see my very dearest friends and family and eat with them, as they are easily pleased and I do not have to fall into my perfectionism to enjoy their company. It takes a lot of work to organize a "normal" life, the COVID has made me aware of this. Not doing much of anything anymore, it the easier way. And truth be told I am older, now 66 and acceptance of quieter life is what is required.
Yesterday, we were back to our normal routine, breakfast, hike, housework and evening TV. It is hard work to stay part of the stream of life, between caring for Nicky and COVID19 restrictions, But today this is everyone's way of life. But I am making a few plans. I will go on a two day hike in the mountains with a woman friend, August 9 and 10th. Actually staying in a small hotel in the mountains, providing nothing changes with restrictions.
And I have decided to go to the grand opening of the Sinfonieorchester Basel's return to the stage on August 26. It has taken four years for the renovations to be completed to the 18th century building. The audience will be distanced and wear masks. Unfortunately, the program had to be revised , originally they were to play a Mahler symphony with full 110 musicians on stage, but do to Covid the program has been changed. So, it will be Beethoven, Dvorak, Strauss and more. And there will be no gala party as originally planned. But I will have a reason to do my hair, put on my makeup (heavy on the eye makeup above the mask , and wear something beautiful). I am willing to take the risk and hope it happens. I cannot live a life without music.
How are you are able to your lives, as you journey the long goodbye? We each have to cope? there are good days and bad days........unhealthy days and hopeful days. Love to hear from you all about what is up in your lives...