A lifelong friend and me

[Jaded'n'faded]

Ouch! I feel your pain. I managed to clock myself on the 'eye-out' cupboard in the kitchen a couple of weeks ago. (One of the cupboards containing OOD items though not the dreaded baked beans... )

I named it when the kids were young to hopefully avoid accidents. If you leave the left door open then put something in the bin on the floor beneath then stand up again... it could literally take your eye out! On this occasion I half remembered as I stood up and got away with a scalp graze....

 

[anxious annie]

You have done an amazing job of sorting your mums house so that it can go on the market@Palerider. My sister and I will have to try to do the same when we need to do this shortly. I will think of you and tell myself that it can be achieved in a short time!

 

[Palerider]

Thanks @anxious annie -I had to get it done in the two weeks I was off otherwise it would have been an impossible task and slowed down getting the house ready to go on the market. I do feel I have been a little over ruthless with some things, but I also know that they would have remained in boxes, never to see daylight again.

Well I've had two busy days at work with a sore head and now feel exhausted. I will need another 3 weeks off to recover from everything.

Finally the cleaners are coming tomorrow, so today is about tidying up the last few bits n bobs here and there. The kitchen windows are spotless and haven't looked so shiney since mum stopped cleaning.

On Friday I took mums drinks and ice lollies to the CH. They still aren't allowing visiting . One of mums carers was outside having her break and chatted with me about mum. I wasn't going to interupt her break but she was keen to ask questions about mum -about her past and where she grew up etc. She was telling me mum was one of her fave residents and loves talking to her, so I told her to ask about her parents Winnie and Wilf and few other significant things about mum to help reassure her. I told her to remember to say Simon sends his love and will see her soon. When mums lucid she is fab to sit and be with even though the conversation is disjointed and hard to follw she can be quite amazing and pleasantly comical -her personality still shines through even at this stage. Its something I can't describe well enough to do it justice, its something you have to experience to understand.

 

[canary]

her personality still shines through even at this stage

Yes, mum was the same. She retained her personality (though not her memory) right up to the end

 

[Pete1]

Its something I can't describe well enough to do it justice, its something you have to experience to understand.

Totally understand @Palerider , it is wonderful when it happens. Such a shame you can't see Mum though, I hope that can sort out some form of contact for you soon. Sorry to hear about your accident, I hope you are back firing on all cylinders now. All the best.

 

[Bikerbeth]

Sorry to hear that you still can’t get to visit your Mum but that was good that you got to speak and chat with the Carer who was obviously Interested in learning more about your Mum.

 

[Palerider]

The cleaners are coming, and I know this sounds really stupid but I hoovered the upstairs bedroom carpets so that they can hoover them ?...and I'm itching to clean the oven as well before they arrive, I must stop this madness!

I've decided I'm speaking to head office of mums care home because I want to know what's happening about visiting and if they have any strategy to allow some form of visiting to be restored -its getting a bit rediculous being kept in the dark.

Yesterday I was watching some home videos I made of mum when I helped her do her hair one week. She looked so different and able back then compared to now and of course I got all teary and wished for a moment I hadn't looked at them.

 

[Palerider]

Well the cleaners have been and I must say the oven is spotless ?.

I spoke with the CH head office and they have told me they are following government guidelines and until they change they won't allow visiting ?. I asked them if they could filter to the CH manager (who seems contactless) that she needs to let families know what's happening as no one seems to have been given any information about visiting since the start of lockdown, other than phoning the unit directly and I am sure the care staff are hounded about this question.

So it seems another letter to the MP is in order to get an answer on visiting care homes. I appreciate that many CH residents are well and we want to keep it that way, but my mum isn't well and close to the end of her life and I would like to see her while I can -I don't think that is unreasonable

 

[Pete1]

Hi @Palerider, I totally agree they should be providing communication to families, very disappointing. A care home where friend of mine's father is, has arranged fortnightly visits (with PPE etc), albeit outside in the garden and therefore reliant on the weather. It has made a significant difference to the family and of course Dad. It's fortnightly as it has to be offered to all and is quite time consuming etc to arrange. But I think it is really important, with a lot of care homes (including this one) locked down since February. I do also think in your situation they should be thinking about some form of 'contact' that will work for Mum in her situation. I hope they give some consideration to you and Mum. All the best.

 

[Splashing About]

I think not seeing your relatives is the worse part of the pandemic especially when you know time is limited.

 

[Bikerbeth]

I appreciate that it is additional work for the staff but It does not seem right that some Care Homes are allowing visits and others are not, especially taking into account your Mum’s situation. I hope the Care Home changes its policy soon.

 

[Palerider]

Well today is 4th July and its exactly 5 years today since dad died. I actually can't believe five years have passed and that mum and I have muddled on as best we can. It seems like it was only yesterday I was at the hospice to say farewell to him. I need to find time to pop by and see dad for a short while. I quite like the Jewish way of placing a stone rather than flowers -see how I feel.

Last night I got a phone call from the CH, mum had 'fallen', although I was thinking it sounded more like she had slipped on the floor, but as it wasn't witnessed we can't be sure. Anyway she wasn't distressed and was helped up and seemed ok (so I am told).

The photographer is coming on Tuesday, so this weekend is the last effort to make sure everywhere is tidy and shows off the space to its best. I am half way through sugar soaping the kitchen walls and its worked really well, looks like new paint with faint lines where ornaments have been hung on the wall -but looks much better.

 

[Palerider]

Well I've been and said hello to dad. Despite my brother saying he would clear the Christmas wreath in January (when he last made an effort to call me) he hadn't . What will be, will be!

Anyway I took a pic to mark the day, as I always seem to and today is a grey wet day. He has a great view of the North West, far to the left Liverpool and far to the right Manchester, in the far distance Winter Hill and in the immediate view the place where mum and dad lived, met and were married...

 

[Melles Belles]

I have similar anniversary. Today is 5 years since my mum’s stroke which lead to her death 4 days later. It seems a long time ago to me but t(en a lot has happened since. Your dad has a great view. My mum doesn’t as yet. My siblings and I had planned to meet up next month to and stay where mum and dad were originally from, so we could scatter their ashes in their favourite places. Unfortunately it is not to be, this year at least, because my family are now shielding as my partner has just started chemo. Hopefully next year.

 

[Palerider]

I have similar anniversary. Today is 5 years since my mum’s stroke which lead to her death 4 days later. It seems a long time ago to me but t(en a lot has happened since. Your dad has a great view. My mum doesn’t as yet. My siblings and I had planned to meet up next month to and stay where mum and dad were originally from, so we could scatter their ashes in their favourite places. Unfortunately it is not to be, this year at least, because my family are now shielding as my partner has just started chemo. Hopefully next year.

Hmm it must be difficult. A final resting place where ever that is can be difficult to decide let alone not being able to carry out the wishes. Dads ashes were interred and mum chose the place, which conveniently is next to the church she went to as a young girl with her mum and fave aunt. Its also one of the places she rode her horse round, so it is quite a fitting place and well chosen by mum.

 

[Palerider]

Well that's it, the house is complete and also very empty now. There is an echo in the kitchen as I type. Its been a strange weekend with the anniversary of dads passing and the final throws of sorting the house out. I am also feeling very lonely, more because there is nothing left here now, just a shell of what was home and the warmth of my mums hospitality -all gone. Work tomorrow and I haven't eaten yet. The photographer is coming on Tuesday but thankfully I won't be here.

Time for reflection and some thought on where my journey will take me next...?

 

[Grannie G]

I hope your journey takes you somewhere good @Palerider. You`ve done well for your parents.

My son is an only child and I`m well aware of the responsibility he feels towards me and to his dad when he had dementia.

 

[Lynmax]

I hope you find somewhere lovely to live, you deserve to be happy after all the support you have given to your mum.

Being in a similar position of clearing my mums house after she has gone into a care home has made me realise how much junk I have in my house which my children might have to clear! I need at get decorators in to spruce up every room ( lots of cracks after getting the heating system sorted out and a new roof) so I plan to de clutter at the same time - all my tat is going! I am going to have a minimalistic house with only essential items in my cupboards!

 

[Izzy]

Wishing you well in the next part of your journey @Palerider.

 

[canary]

there is nothing left here now, just a shell of what was home and the warmth of my mums hospitality -all gone.

I remember that feeling
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

You have done very well and very quickly, its not at all easy.