Wellbeing discussion - checking in with each other during Coronavirus

[CWR]

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I’m new to this
SOMETIMES, YOU NEVER REALLY KNOW THE TRUE VALUE OF A MOMENT UNTIL IT BECOMES A MEMORY
My husband mutters to himself a lot and talks and repeats his stories. I have just finished “Married th Alzheimer’s “ by Stephanie Booth and she said that at the end of life with Tony she would have given anything just to hear his stories again. I’m greatly moved by this simple thought

I can identify with that; mum latterly took to singing fragments of certain songs, again and again and again. I used to joke that I didnt have earworms, I had muum's earworms The northern lights of Old Aberdeen, I love a lassie, My bonnie lies over the ocean etc again and again! Sometimes when I got up for a pee and would pop my head in her door, I would hear her singing to herself. Now I miss this, the house is not the same at all.

 

[SophieD]

As we touched on at the beginning of this wellbeing discussion, it's a very difficult time for many of you to be considering Coronavirus as well as dealing with the realities of dementia.

To help, Alzheimer's Society have put together five tips to benefit your wellbeing during the COVID-19 lockdown.

> View the five tips for carers to look after your wellbeing here <​

Remember, you are not alone. We are here to support you and your loved ones during coronavirus outbreak. If you or someone you care for needs dementia support, call our Dementia Connect support line on 0333 150 3456.

 

[Agzy]

Next week sees the start of my 12th week in self isolation. I`m sure many here can say the same.

It is what we were advised we may need especially if we were in a certain age group and/or had underlying health issues.

At the time I remember feeling horrified but after a couple of difficult weeks was surprised to realise it is amazing what we can get used to.

All along my heart has been with those here on TP who are in the throes of caring, either at home or having someone isolated in hospital, and those who have lost dearly loved family members without even being able to say a last goodbye.

There might be some small reprieve soon but I wonder how many of us will be nervous about returning to the world after so many weeks in isolation. Will we feel safe? Will life ever be the same again?

I just hope this doesn`t last much longer, although I think it might.

I`m not ashamed to admit I`m finding it tough. I`m sure many more are feeling the same.

Can well imagine how tough it is for you @Grannie G, and indeed the rest of those shielding. I am lucky (?) being able to go out and excersise by walking and recently have chanced a few shops. I can cope with them on my own but now Pauline insisting she comes too is causing some distractions. Having said that, yes, it was scary at first and as for staying alert I am acting like a Gopher/Meerkat with every fibre bristling with alertness ?

 

[Grannie G]

I`ve made myself some no sew washable masks from cotton chair backs. They are much more comfortable than disposable ones and a lot cheaper.

I used a cotton chair back , cut lenghtways down the middle to make two. I used ordinary elastic and sewed the ends in.

I`m going to make some more with cotton pillow cases. I know they aren`t 100% protective but they do cover my nose and mouth and I hope when people see me wearing them they will give me a wide berth.

 

[Jaric]

Just back from my mum’s after a massive argument. It was my grandsons 18th yesterday and as I’m not single, I took his card to see him in the garden (thunderstorms predicted). Took mum’s shopping to her first (I’m her carer, so do go in). Went to see her today and boy did it kick off. I really can’t handle the titty lip and not being spoken to, which then escalated into the fact that I should have apologised that I wouldn’t be taking her with me. Suppose she could have sat in the car whilst I gave him his cards but a 40 minute each way journey whilst she points out which shops, cafes and pubs look open, drives me mad. Escalated into a huge row as she thinks no one wants to go near her, so they mustn’t like her.
She seems to think I’m making it all up, the fact it’s scary enough making sure everyone is safe (husband is high risk).
We were getting somewhere just before lockdown, had the memory clinic mental health psychiatrist visit along with the social worker. Initial diagnosis of psychosis and dementia. She won’t see the psychiatrist again (doesn’t trust him) and has told the social worker she doesn’t need to see her. Then covid hit and she has now been discharged back to the gp.
We’re back to ‘I’ll do my own shopping’ again, she’s aware shops are opening tomorrow. It’s going to be a nightmare if she goes out.
Feeling thoroughly fed up with sorting shopping out for her when she can’t tell me what she wants, then accuses me of taking things out of her cupboard. The time involved ordering medications, getting them delivered, organising district nurses etc just to get moaned and shouted at.
Sorry for the long moan, just needed to get it off my chest.

 

[Grannie G]

All I can suggest @Jaric is you tell your mother as little as possible, especially about family events.

 

[Jaric]

I know that’s the right way to go, usually she would come with me, complain about everyone but the lockdown has just compounded everything. She doesn’t remember anyone’s birthday, so don’t really need to tell her.

 

[Grannie G]

When I heard the lockdown was easing and all shops were to open, I felt more people going out would mean I was back to square one and self isolation would never end.

I decided to brave it today and do my own food shopping and have a short walk by the sea for the first time in 14 weeks.

Everyone was respectful. I managed a short walk by the sea, some fresh fruit and veg shopping and a bus home. No one was on the bus as I boarded and a couple got on further along and were suitably masked as was I.

Nothing very exciting, but the first time I have been able to attempt a relatively normal activity and it felt good.

 

[nae sporran]

It's good to get out and get some sea air, glad you were safe too Sylvia @Grannie G.

 

[Izzy]

That sounds great Sylvia. I’m glad it went well and I’m sure it has done a lot for your wellbeing,

 

[Grannie G]

Thanks @nae sporran and @Izzy. There`ll be no stopping me now.

It`s surprising how unsure some people still are about social distancing. A friend of mine suggested we meet up for a self-distancing walk now things are easing and I was delighted. I said we`d need to find somewhere on the bus route where we can meet and she offered to pick me up.

She didn`t realise I can go on public transport but not in a car with her.

It`s a pity because with her we could have gone into the country which would have been a lovely change but I`m perfectly happy and lucky to be able to walk by the sea.

 

[Helen E]

I can identify with that; mum latterly took to singing fragments of certain songs, again and again and again. I used to joke that I didnt have earworms, I had muum's earworms The northern lights of Old Aberdeen, I love a lassie, My bonnie lies over the ocean etc again and again! Sometimes when I got up for a pee and would pop my head in her door, I would hear her singing to herself. Now I miss this, the house is not the same at all.

Memory is such a bizarre thing, it sounds as though you’ve lost your Mum. I’m sorry if this is the case. I had my own mother until she was 92 but, I thought she’d live forever, and her mind was always clear. My husband has Alzheimer’s and I miss her more than ever

 

[jennifer1967]

with a husband who is still shielding until 1st august, i have had to limit when i go out until he is paused, i have been to tesco in my sons car and got papers at 8am. it will be nice to go somewhere different and im hoping charity shops are open soon as well.a bit of a hobby i enjoy.i was a bit worried about going out especially when you see pictures of the beaches.

 

[CWR]

with a husband who is still shielding until 1st august, i have had to limit when i go out until he is paused, i have been to tesco in my sons car and got papers at 8am. it will be nice to go somewhere different and im hoping charity shops are open soon as well.a bit of a hobby i enjoy.i was a bit worried about going out especially when you see pictures of the beaches.

Being a carer can be stressful enough without having the pandemic on top of that.

 

[CWR]

Thanks @nae sporran and @Izzy. There`ll be no stopping me now.

It`s surprising how unsure some people still are about social distancing. A friend of mine suggested we meet up for a self-distancing walk now things are easing and I was delighted. I said we`d need to find somewhere on the bus route where we can meet and she offered to pick me up.

She didn`t realise I can go on public transport but not in a car with her.

It`s a pity because with her we could have gone into the country which would have been a lovely change but I`m perfectly happy and lucky to be able to walk by the sea.

A friend told me some unbelievable stories about a neighbour who works in a care home for veterans. This woman has never observed the lockdown in any way; she has regular visitors, her children run up and down the stairs in the close, hands on everything. She eve went on a staycation!!! And the amonmut of people on buses who dont seem to realise they should be wearing masks. Of course it doesnt hep when their boss has said he will not ask his drivers to enforce the law. Whats the point of people being careful with such dimwits around???

 

[jennifer1967]

A friend told me some unbelievable stories about a neighbour who works in a care home for veterans. This woman has never observed the lockdown in any way; she has regular visitors, her children run up and down the stairs in the close, hands on everything. She eve went on a staycation!!! And the amonmut of people on buses who dont seem to realise they should be wearing masks. Of course it doesnt hep when their boss has said he will not ask his drivers to enforce the law. Whats the point of people being careful with such dimwits around???

i have the same problem with my next door neighbour who think they have already had it. all five of her kids go in plus partners and kids, mother, friends . no social distancing or anything else. she is not allowed in my house because she mixes with too many people.

 

[art]

I'm so frustrated and concerned at the moment. I care for my MIL with alzheimer's who is supposed to be shielding due to leukaemia , and my parents ( mum also Alzheimer’s and is very frail). It has taken MIL less than a week to latch on to the new message - be alert rather than stay at home and she has gone out to the garden centre today. I found where she was on her tracker - the place was absolutely heaving. I have not been too worried about visiting her for necessary care or the safety of my parents as she stayed in before. How do I keep myself and my family safe if she is wandering all over the place with no social isolation. I have told my husband that unless he removes her bus pass and money I will not visit, am I being harsh?

Doesn’t you husband visit her too when he can? Are you being HARSH?? A little perhaps. It’s a form of blackmail really!!

Maybe some help from someone he trusts or a relative he likes could speak on your behalf?
You have a frail mum. You can’t be expected to fully care for both.

It’s hard enough for us all as it is. Enlist the help of someone else who can make gentle suggestions to and see if he becomes more proactive to help you out and diffuse the situation.
Good luck. Hope he listens.