A lifelong friend and me

[Palerider]

I came off facebook last night it was all too much seeing some of the daft comments on there -anyone else feel the same?

I haven't heard any news about mum so will call today to see how things are, hoping she has rallied a little ?

 

[Pete1]

Hi @Palerider, how is you Mum doing? Has there been any change? I was wondering how you were faring, very tough times.

 

[Pete1]

...sorry missed you last post!

 

[Pete1]

I'm not on Facebook @Palerider, what is going on?

 

[canary]

Ive been wondering how your mum is too.
I expect work is crazy at the moment

 

[Palerider]

Hello @Pete1 all my FB friends are mostly work colleagues and they are posting various things about Covid-19 -all of which is repeated over and over. Its time to settle down, keep calm and carry on rather than whipping up hysteria on the latest false news . I don't understand some peoples posts either, they are surrounded by their families and have a strong support network but continue to whinge -I'd had enough and left, I hardly use it anyway.

Thanks for the asks about mum @canary and @Pete1 and everyone else that has posted this last week. I haven't heard anything, but am going to call this morning to see how things are if I can get through, they are busy so it can take a while.

I am on-call this weekend, which I haven't done for years, in preperation for a surge of patients, meanwhile I am home twidlling my thumbs on my own and going slowly insane with no one to talk to ?

 

[Pete1]

Oh really? Sounds like a sensible decision @Palerider to leave - you can do without that at the moment for sure. As you say it's a time for calm heads and mutual support. I can imagine it is difficult to get through to the home - I hope you can get an update. I really feel for everyone who is separated from their loved one, it must be dreadful - I know would have really struggled with that.

 

[Palerider]

I've finally managed to get through, its taken all day. Mum is still refusing food and had considerable weight loss her nurse was telling me mums clothes are hanging off her -very sad. She keeps on asking for me and I got quite teary at that point ?. Still no symptoms of infection so thats one positive. Its just a desperate situation to be in.

 

[Pete1]

So sorry to hear that @Palerider it just seems so unfair. I can totally understand your tears.

 

[canary]

I confess, I had hoped for better news
More ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Woo2]

Oh @Palerider I’m sorry ?, it is no wonder that got you emotional, hope mum stays infection free . Also sending you big hugs. X

 

[millalm]

@Palerider any chance they could let you see her on Skype or at least let her hear your voice on the phone? My Mum has lost her ability to communicate with language for several months now. She has been unresponsive on Skype the first 2 tries but today she started to hum Galway Bay after a couple of minutes of silent staring. I was so delighted because the humming is her way of getting my attention if I am with her but looking away. It tells me she knows I am still here even though I can't be with her. Maybe it would offer some comfort to one or both of you?

I never thought the anguish of caring for my Mum on the downward course of this disease could get any worse after deciding to move Mum into a care home three years ago. Now not having been allowed to see her for almost 4 weeks has proven otherwise .

I wish I had more to offer you. We are all heartbroken aren't we?
Wishing you strength

 

[Palerider]

@Palerider any chance they could let you see her on Skype or at least let her hear your voice on the phone? My Mum has lost her ability to communicate with language for several months now. She has been unresponsive on Skype the first 2 tries but today she started to hum Galway Bay after a couple of minutes of silent staring. I was so delighted because the humming is her way of getting my attention if I am with her but looking away. It tells me she knows I am still here even though I can't be with her. Maybe it would offer some comfort to one or both of you?

I never thought the anguish of caring for my Mum on the downward course of this disease could get any worse after deciding to move Mum into a care home three years ago. Now not having been allowed to see her for almost 4 weeks has proven otherwise .

I wish I had more to offer you. We are all heartbroken aren't we?
Wishing you strength

Yes we are all heart broken and I can only empathise with your own situation. It is truly dreadful and at times despairing . Mum can't use the phone anynore and she can't focus on visual stuff having tried previously.

I sometimes wonder if I am being spared of seeing her this way? I also have no words of wisdom or anything else to offer to either myself or anyone else

 

[millalm]

My Mum doesn't use the phone either, they just hold the iPad up towards her ear so she can hear my voice and I can see her. There is nothing wrong with her vision but her poor brain doesn't process visuals anymore. I once had an eye specialist explain it to me that with dementia it is like an oldtime photo developing centre, her eyes are the camera which take the pictures just fine, but when her eyes send the images to the brain for developing it is unable to process the images , so the final product is not recognizable to her.

I also thought not seeing her was sparing myself heartache, but in truth, seeing her today on Skype was no harder than going without seeing her for the last 2 weeks

It's hard not to despair but we carers have learned to just soldier on.

Stay Strong

 

[Palerider]

My Mum doesn't use the phone either, they just hold the iPad up towards her ear so she can hear my voice and I can see her. There is nothing wrong with her vision but her poor brain doesn't process visuals anymore. I once had an eye specialist explain it to me that with dementia it is like an oldtime photo developing centre, her eyes are the camera which take the pictures just fine, but when her eyes send the images to the brain for developing it is unable to process the images , so the final product is not recognizable to her.

I also thought not seeing her was sparing myself heartache, but in truth, seeing her today on Skype was no harder than going without seeing her for the last 2 weeks

It's hard not to despair but we carers have learned to just soldier on.

Stay Strong

Yes thats correct, good that the specialist explained that. Images are seen at the back of the head occipital part of the brain, which unfortunately shrinks down in dementia. I'm wondering if its worth sending an audio message that would be better thinking about it.

When a talked about being spared seeing her its because of the weight she has lost recently, I haven't seen her. The CH have been slow in responding to this to be honest in providing a means of factime or skype. The activities team are addressing this so I'm told, but they won't be in until Tuesday now

 

[Woo2]

The audio message sounds like it could be a good idea , shame the ch have been slow off the mark with alternatives , guessing they are busy but that doesn’t help you . How did your on call day go ? Hope you are managing to get some rest . Take care .

 

[Palerider]

The audio message sounds like it could be a good idea , shame the ch have been slow off the mark with alternatives , guessing they are busy but that doesn’t help you . How did your on call day go ? Hope you are managing to get some rest . Take care .

Trying to rally myself, the last thing mum would want is me sitting here being upset. Haven't been called yet thankfully, but its a long day when on your own, I've even taking to making fresh pitta breads for T. The surge date has shifted to around 25th April (a prediction by one of our more scientific consultants) so its carry on until it does come. I can't decide what to pack into my bag in case I have to move closer to work -seems stupid in the scheme of things

I'm going to chat with the activities team on Tuesday and see how I can bridge some of the gap. I had thought about popping by the dining room window so I could waive at mum, but is that an essential journey???? ?

 

[Woo2]

She absolutely wouldn’t want that but hey you are human , you are allowed to have those feelings, just hope they don’t overwhelm you . We have been making bread, lovely but the waistline doesn’t agree , I haven’t left home at all to walk it off ,dog is not impressed she hasn’t been to the park or even out the house in 3 weeks. Hmm I would pack everything bar the kitchen sink.

could you take some flowers , chocolates , Photos ? Gives you a reason to go , I would not worry about wether it’s an essential journey, to you it is ,Your not likely to get pulled but if you do you tell them your job and you are delivering items at the only time you can . Do you think it will help you seeing mum from afar and seeing her weight loss without being able to actually sit with her ? I don’t know the answer just playing devils advocate and not wanting you to be upset any further than you are . Take care of you . X

 

[Sarasa]

I had flowers and chocolates sent to mum for Easter and they posted a picture of her on Facebook with them which was nice. Also walked up there a couple of times to leave cards and photos, thereby getting my exercise and doing an essential service.

 

[canary]

Oh Simon, its one of those times when there are no good answers, only least bad. If you do decide to go and see her I really wouldnt worry about whether its an "essential" journey, I think its important.