I dont really think anyone can help but if you can sieve through this lot and offer anything of value please help...
my MIL has apparently advanced dementia. until 10 days ago living independently but getting worse over the previous 6 weeks with rapid deterioration over 3 weeks. main issues we were having food (eating cold ready meals), alcohol (never starts drinking until 6pm but no clear idea when 6pm is), not wearing trousers. she was well scaffolded by a whole village that helped her. When the duty social worker came out she said she had never seen anyone with so advanced dementia living so independently (albiet very scaffolded).
3 weeks ago we accepted something needed to change and we couldnt both work full time and visit 4 times a day. because i work in social care i was concerned if she went in a home it would lock down (which has come to pass) she wouldnt see us and that would be it she doesnt know who we are (i.e. family) but she recognises and likes us. she is also fiercely independent and wouldnt manage being locked in if we couldnt support my fear was she would deteriorate very rapidly and be moved to a specialist unit for difficult people or on significant sedative medication.
So we decided a live in carer for 6 months until things settle we can still visit (basically treating ourselves as one house hold over two houses). That has proved very difficult. Carrs are meant to stay 2 weeks on rotation the first one was removed after 10 days because the agency through she wasnt experienced enough. She did miss that MIL had a swollen food and ankle and was limping badly (MIL is very sprightly... stand on a chair to reach a top cupboard sprightly). The second decided within 24 hours she would only stay a week. MIL is being horrible to the second one who locked her in the house bacause she had no trousers on. She wont take medication from them. With the second one MIL has now taken to her room with a bottle of wine and a cold ready meal. She has started pooing on the floor and in her pants (when she is wearing them).
My phone calls to GP are triaged by the receptionist and GP appointments are remote with me sending photos. We still dont have a social worker to do the assessment of MILs needs and her world has completely changed. Today i got a text about changes to the bins and i could have wept (actually i did!). They are closing all the bins in the community. MILs daily routine involves taking rubbish to a bin in the community (one of her other sons told her off 4 months ago for mixing recycling and rubbish and since the she has been taking all her rubbish to a bin behind the shops).
Anyhow this is clearly just a crude sketch of the situation. I am also working 40-50 hours a week at the moment and find myself crying uncontrolably to the GP one moment and then 3 minutes later on a conference call planning how we are going to respond to increased incidents of DV resulting from lock down.
Thank you for reading. I dont actually expect you to help. I just want someone to know. I feel like everything I do is wrong and everytime i think things are as bad as they can be they get worse.
my MIL has apparently advanced dementia. until 10 days ago living independently but getting worse over the previous 6 weeks with rapid deterioration over 3 weeks. main issues we were having food (eating cold ready meals), alcohol (never starts drinking until 6pm but no clear idea when 6pm is), not wearing trousers. she was well scaffolded by a whole village that helped her. When the duty social worker came out she said she had never seen anyone with so advanced dementia living so independently (albiet very scaffolded).
3 weeks ago we accepted something needed to change and we couldnt both work full time and visit 4 times a day. because i work in social care i was concerned if she went in a home it would lock down (which has come to pass) she wouldnt see us and that would be it she doesnt know who we are (i.e. family) but she recognises and likes us. she is also fiercely independent and wouldnt manage being locked in if we couldnt support my fear was she would deteriorate very rapidly and be moved to a specialist unit for difficult people or on significant sedative medication.
So we decided a live in carer for 6 months until things settle we can still visit (basically treating ourselves as one house hold over two houses). That has proved very difficult. Carrs are meant to stay 2 weeks on rotation the first one was removed after 10 days because the agency through she wasnt experienced enough. She did miss that MIL had a swollen food and ankle and was limping badly (MIL is very sprightly... stand on a chair to reach a top cupboard sprightly). The second decided within 24 hours she would only stay a week. MIL is being horrible to the second one who locked her in the house bacause she had no trousers on. She wont take medication from them. With the second one MIL has now taken to her room with a bottle of wine and a cold ready meal. She has started pooing on the floor and in her pants (when she is wearing them).
My phone calls to GP are triaged by the receptionist and GP appointments are remote with me sending photos. We still dont have a social worker to do the assessment of MILs needs and her world has completely changed. Today i got a text about changes to the bins and i could have wept (actually i did!). They are closing all the bins in the community. MILs daily routine involves taking rubbish to a bin in the community (one of her other sons told her off 4 months ago for mixing recycling and rubbish and since the she has been taking all her rubbish to a bin behind the shops).
Anyhow this is clearly just a crude sketch of the situation. I am also working 40-50 hours a week at the moment and find myself crying uncontrolably to the GP one moment and then 3 minutes later on a conference call planning how we are going to respond to increased incidents of DV resulting from lock down.
Thank you for reading. I dont actually expect you to help. I just want someone to know. I feel like everything I do is wrong and everytime i think things are as bad as they can be they get worse.