Hi my dad has Alzheimer’s and epilepsy and he is constantly talking and is exhausted but can’t stop. Does anyone knows how to slow him down to stop talking and sleep
One of the many challenges with this particular neurological disease. Before the realisation that this behaviour cannot be helped nor often curbed, l was also prone to just acknowledging the "chatting " with " hmm" and " ah". I once sat on the sofa with my mother and listened to an extraordinary narration, which lasted two and a half hours. Needless to say, l was exhausted. Mother bless her, hardly blinked an eye! So with both repetition and talking we understand that the person cannot change that. But you can change. You either adapt to it and treat it as is - or you carefully " distract" which can be effective. I would gently touch my mother's hand and gaze into her eye and ask " cup of tea?". But you have to ensure that any tactic is not perceived as such! Dementia can recognise a gesture or a slight change of tone and treat it with contempt. The beauty of the Care Home environment is the fact that there can be many " distractions " many of which are fellow residents engaged in their own "narratives " which strangely communicate to those around them - sometimes endearingly..... sometimes antagonistically. Experiment!My husband talks a lot too, often repeating things or just not understanding that he is interrupting what I may be watching on TV etc. The biggest problem is that quite often he mumbles so even if he is talking sense, I still can't understand what he is saying.
Mostly I tune out and have a great repertoire of hmmmms, ohhhhs, and ahhhs so he just continues to ramble.
I believe that what comes out of his mouth is what is going on inside his head, sort of talking to himself half the time without realizing that he is doing it.
Sorry, no solutions.
I get your point. Firstly my husband is not in a care home so my situation is quite different.One of the many challenges with this particular neurological disease. Before the realisation that this behaviour cannot be helped nor often curbed, l was also prone to just acknowledging the "chatting " with " hmm" and " ah". I once sat on the sofa with my mother and listened to an extraordinary narration, which lasted two and a half hours. Needless to say, l was exhausted. Mother bless her, hardly blinked an eye! So with both repetition and talking we understand that the person cannot change that. But you can change. You either adapt to it and treat it as is - or you carefully " distract" which can be effective. I would gently touch my mother's hand and gaze into her eye and ask " cup of tea?". But you have to ensure that any tactic is not perceived as such! Dementia can recognise a gesture or a slight change of tone and treat it with contempt. The beauty of the Care Home environment is the fact that there can be many " distractions " many of which are fellow residents engaged in their own "narratives " which strangely communicate to those around them - sometimes endearingly..... sometimes antagonistically. Experiment!
That is a very honest and valuable response. When you are one to one as you describe, it is another world in reality and very often virtually impossible to maintain. The Care Home enables 24hr care which is applied by those who are NOT attached in the way we are. That is often much misunderstood even by specialist professionals. All you say is not unknown to me. Trying to get my screaming mother back into the house when even the paramedic l called gave up and then the trauma which followed once secured indoors makes for grim reading. No, your honesty from the heart l hear and greatly respect. We can only bear so much and only you know the depths of anguish and utter exhaustion which underpins the reality you describe.I get your point. Firstly my husband is not in a care home so my situation is quite different.
My husband was diagnosed almost six years ago after three dreadful years before that so I have been coping with him in various phases of this disease for nearly nine years. I was a schoolteacher for many years and have many strategies for coping with awkward children which have been very useful in dealing with him.
Distraction works sometimes but it isn't always successful though there are some who would have you believe otherwise.
I am exhausted, fed up, burnt out and avoid my husband like THE PLAGUE, way past experimenting and definitely past caring.
So our situation is not about my husband but it is all about others who have to live to with the diease, with the odd behaviors, with the demands , the crankiness and the talk is merely a part of all the rest of the garbage. My mental state is in far worse condition than his is but I am not the one with the diease.
So while it is lovely to talk about "the touch of the hand, the gaze into dear mother's eyes while asking if she'd like a cup of tea' that just isn't going to cut it for me. I am so past playing this game, so past playing loving wife , so past mollycoddling him because he is now no more than an annoying lodger who needs a chauffeur.
That is my reality. And no, I am not unkind to him.
Oh @Lawson58 ....someone who feels like I feel (( not all the time but aI get your point. Firstly my husband is not in a care home so my situation is quite different.
My husband was diagnosed almost six years ago after three dreadful years before that so I have been coping with him in various phases of this disease for nearly nine years. I was a schoolteacher for many years and have many strategies for coping with awkward children which have been very useful in dealing with him.
Distraction works sometimes but it isn't always successful though there are some who would have you believe otherwise.
I am exhausted, fed up, burnt out and avoid my husband like THE PLAGUE, way past experimenting and definitely past caring.
So our situation is not about my husband but it is all about others who have to live to with the diease, with the odd behaviors, with the demands , the crankiness and the talk is merely a part of all the rest of the garbage. My mental state is in far worse condition than his is but I am not the one with the diease.
So while it is lovely to talk about "the touch of the hand, the gaze into dear mother's eyes while asking if she'd like a cup of tea' that just isn't going to cut it for me. I am so past playing this game, so past playing loving wife , so past mollycoddling him because he is now no more than an annoying lodger who needs a chauffeur.
That is my reality. And no, I am not unkind to him.
Oh@Lawson58 ...someone who feels as I do. My caring began a dreadful 10 years ago with Encephalitis and shingles and diagnosed 4 years ago..it’s a long hard hard road ...I have been persuaded by family and medics i need some time so my oh is going for a weeks respite next week .....but even that’s hard will they know how he is his likes and dislikes etc etc ....now I feel guilty ....I get your point. Firstly my husband is not in a care home so my situation is quite different.
My husband was diagnosed almost six years ago after three dreadful years before that so I have been coping with him in various phases of this disease for nearly nine years. I was a schoolteacher for many years and have many strategies for coping with awkward children which have been very useful in dealing with him.
Distraction works sometimes but it isn't always successful though there are some who would have you believe otherwise.
I am exhausted, fed up, burnt out and avoid my husband like THE PLAGUE, way past experimenting and definitely past caring.
So our situation is not about my husband but it is all about others who have to live to with the diease, with the odd behaviors, with the demands , the crankiness and the talk is merely a part of all the rest of the garbage. My mental state is in far worse condition than his is but I am not the one with the diease.
So while it is lovely to talk about "the touch of the hand, the gaze into dear mother's eyes while asking if she'd like a cup of tea' that just isn't going to cut it for me. I am so past playing this game, so past playing loving wife , so past mollycoddling him because he is now no more than an annoying lodger who needs a chauffeur.
That is my reality. And no, I am not unkind to him.
Glad to hear that I’m not the only one who feels that way! I used to read all the suggestions and listen to the experts tell me how I should distract my husband when he was raging about various obsessions. I mostly found that he’d have the cup of tea, or whatever, and then go back to the same rages!! These days, I am coping slightly better, and his medication has eased the problem, but its still not easy when you’re the only one looking after him 24/7, and today I was totally fed up with my lot!! It’s been a tearful day, and I would just love t9 walk away from it all!!I get your point. Firstly my husband is not in a care home so my situation is quite different.
My husband was diagnosed almost six years ago after three dreadful years before that so I have been coping with him in various phases of this disease for nearly nine years. I was a schoolteacher for many years and have many strategies for coping with awkward children which have been very useful in dealing with him.
Distraction works sometimes but it isn't always successful though there are some who would have you believe otherwise.
I am exhausted, fed up, burnt out and avoid my husband like THE PLAGUE, way past experimenting and definitely past caring.
So our situation is not about my husband but it is all about others who have to live to with the diease, with the odd behaviors, with the demands , the crankiness and the talk is merely a part of all the rest of the garbage. My mental state is in far worse condition than his is but I am not the one with the diease.
So while it is lovely to talk about "the touch of the hand, the gaze into dear mother's eyes while asking if she'd like a cup of tea' that just isn't going to cut it for me. I am so past playing this game, so past playing loving wife , so past mollycoddling him because he is now no more than an annoying lodger who needs a chauffeur.
That is my reality. And no, I am not unkind to him.
And you know what? I don't have it as bad as many others on TP and I take my hat off to the others who are trying to cope with all the really rotten stuff that I have yet to experience.Glad to hear that I’m not the only one who feels that way! I used to read all the suggestions and listen to the experts tell me how I should distract my husband when he was raging about various obsessions. I mostly found that he’d have the cup of tea, or whatever, and then go back to the same rages!! These days, I am coping slightly better, and his medication has eased the problem, but its still not easy when you’re the only one looking after him 24/7, and today I was totally fed up with my lot!! It’s been a tearful day, and I would just love t9 walk away from it all!!
We seem to be in the same place here. When I read TP, I feel guilty for complaining and feeling sorry for myself!! Others have it much worse, but mostly I hate this life!! I tried to console myself that this can’t go on for too long, and the mental health doctor said it could go on for years!!! Didn’t help!!!And you know what? I don't have it as bad as many others on TP and I take my hat off to the others who are trying to cope with all the really rotten stuff that I have yet to experience.
It's the never ending ground hog day and not knowing how much longer he will keep going.. It doesn't help much when his GP makes comments like, "He is so tough. I don't know how he has survived so long,"
@Starbright I just wanted to join in the conversation to say try not to feel guilty. My partner will also be going in for his first week of respite week after next and yes I am worried, I don't want him to think I've abandoned him and I worry that he'll get out of his routine and won't find the toilet and all that stuff. But I keep telling myself the staff are professionals who've seen it all before, the care home is like a hotel and it's extremely well equipped with all the latest techy stuff so they get alerted when someone gets out of bed, etc. So I'll tell him he's having a little holiday. Fingers crossed that it works for your husband and my partner - god knows we need a break, especially you after 10 years, mine has only been 4 and a bit but yesterday I could have strangled him!Oh @Lawson58 ....someone who feels like I feel (( not all the time but a
Oh@Lawson58 ...someone who feels as I do. My caring began a dreadful 10 years ago with Encephalitis and shingles and diagnosed 4 years ago..it’s a long hard hard road ...I have been persuaded by family and medics i need some time so my oh is going for a weeks respite next week .....but even that’s hard will they know how he is his likes and dislikes etc etc ....now I feel guilty ....
I do understand all that’s been said-really I do but we are all different as Is are our pwd.
A x
One of the many challenges with this particular neurological disease. Before the realisation that this behaviour cannot be helped nor often curbed, l was also prone to just acknowledging the "chatting " with " hmm" and " ah". I once sat on the sofa with my mother and listened to an extraordinary narration, which lasted two and a half hours. Needless to say, l was exhausted. Mother bless her, hardly blinked an eye! So with both repetition and talking we understand that the person cannot change that. But you can change. You either adapt to it and treat it as is - or you carefully " distract" which can be effective. I would gently touch my mother's hand and gaze into her eye and ask " cup of tea?". But you have to ensure that any tactic is not perceived as such! Dementia can recognise a gesture or a slight change of tone and treat it with contempt. The beauty of the Care Home environment is the fact that there can be many " distractions " many of which are fellow residents engaged in their own "narratives " which strangely communicate to those around them - sometimes endearingly..... sometimes antagonistically. Experiment!
Oh @Lawson58 ....someone who feels like I feel (( not all the time but a
Oh@Lawson58 ...someone who feels as I do. My caring began a dreadful 10 years ago with Encephalitis and shingles and diagnosed 4 years ago..it’s a long hard hard road ...I have been persuaded by family and medics i need some time so my oh is going for a weeks respite next week .....but even that’s hard will they know how he is his likes and dislikes etc etc ....now I feel guilty ....
I do understand all that’s been said-really I do but we are all different as Is are our pwd.
A x
I know exactly how you feel. My husband is still high functioning, totally continent and looks after his own personal hygiene and my head keeps trying to tell me that I should be looking on the bright side , that I should be grateful. I haven't quite worked out what I should be grateful about yet. He goes off to play bridge several times a week and is generally having a nice time while I do everything else. In the meantime, I do everything else and spend some time volunteering.We seem to be in the same place here. When I read TP, I feel guilty for complaining and feeling sorry for myself!! Others have it much worse, but mostly I hate this life!! I tried to console myself that this can’t go on for too long, and the mental health doctor said it could go on for years!!! Didn’t help!!!
@White Rose my husband is ok with going and the care home is small just 15 beds its only a 6 minute walk from our house we were lucky they had a room. I agree with @Lawson58 there are days when I think my head is in a worse place than his and am I being dragged down the same Vas/Alz road as he is ....hopefully not. He’s quite high functioning as they say always been an avid reader though not so many now, as long as he has his newspaper, and tv on sport he can be a happy bunny ...After a stroke 2 years ago his balance is not good so prone to falls ,he gets frustrated and angry .@Starbright I just wanted to join in the conversation to say try not to feel guilty. My partner will also be going in for his first week of respite week after next and yes I am worried, I don't want him to think I've abandoned him and I worry that he'll get out of his routine and won't find the toilet and all that stuff. But I keep telling myself the staff are professionals who've seen it all before, the care home is like a hotel and it's extremely well equipped with all the latest techy stuff so they get alerted when someone gets out of bed, etc. So I'll tell him he's having a little holiday. Fingers crossed that it works for your husband and my partner - god knows we need a break, especially you after 10 years, mine has only been 4 and a bit but yesterday I could have strangled him!
Hi @AliceA ...thank you that’s a good idea , I will note down the likes and dislikes ..I do think he’ll be ok ,it’s me that’s the problem ....I sent my husband with outlines of routines, likes and dislikes. But in fact he settled in quite quickly once he realised he had to ask. I was a bit like when sending children to school n first day, I felt concerned but they were fine.
The care home gave me a little book to complete with info on the PWD, a good idea. By the way @AliceA I had a read of the sound therapy you mentioned, will be interesting to see if they do more tests. I sent the info to someone I know who has fibromyalgia as it's supposed to help that as well.I sent my husband with outlines of routines, likes and dislikes. But in fact he settled in quite quickly once he realised he had to ask. I was a bit like when sending children to school n first day, I felt concerned but they were fine.
The care home gave me a little book to complete with info on the PWD, a good idea. By the way @AliceA I had a read of the sound therapy you mentioned, will be interesting to see if they do more tests. I sent the info to someone I know who has fibromyalgia as it's supposed to help that as well.
Hi @AliceA ...thank you that’s a good idea , I will note down the likes and dislikes ..I do think he’ll be ok ,it’s me that’s the problem ....
A x