Finally

[Windy28]

For nearly 2 years I have been looking at this site. Learning from your experiences and gaining information.

Finally got my OH to go to the doctor, then waited for a memory assessment and now the dreaded letter arrived yesterday. He has dementia and is going for a driving assessment in a couple of weeks.

i haven't slept all night and feel very frightened today.

 

[Grannie G]

Oh dear! Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Windy28

We have all been in this position and know how frightening it is.

There is lots of information here on DTP to help you through but really you need time to adjust and let the news of the diagnosis sink in.

All you can do is make yourself aware of whatever help is available both locally and on this Forum.

Have a look at these factsheets. They might help.

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-s...care/understanding-supporting-person-dementia

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/your-support-services

Don`t be afraid to ask for help. If you don`t ask, it will be presumed you are managing and the services are overstretched so will not go looking for those who need support.

Stay with DTP. There will always be someone to ask who is one step ahead of you. It was what I found to be the greatest help of all.

 

[jenniferjean]

I'm sorry you've found yourself needing this site but Welcome to TP. You've been given good advice there from @Grannie G , I can only agree. Get as much help as you can.

 

[Bunpoots]

Welcome from me too @Windy28

I know what a shock it is to receive that diagnosis but nothing has really changed - you just have a name for the problem.

I agree with the others. Now is the time to plan and find out as much as you can. Continue to live life to the full. Things will change but it may not be as bad as you think. Not everyone has all the problems you’ll read about on here and everyone finds a way to cope.

I kept my PWD at home until the very late stages when falls and mobility problems meant they (I’ve had 3 relatives go through this) were no longer safe. Each person was different so each time I trod a different path...but the most useful path I found was the one that lead me here to DTP.

Some of the things I read terrified me, some happened, some didn’t but I found a way through with the help of the lovely people here.

 

[Izzy]

Welcome from me too. I’m so sorry to read of your situation. I’m glad you’ve shared on the forum. I know how frightening it is to get this news but I know you’ll get lots of help and support on this forum.

 

[Pete1]

Hi @Windy28, welcome to the site. Very good advice by @Bunpoots

Now is the time to plan and find out as much as you can. Continue to live life to the full. Things will change but it may not be as bad as you think. Not everyone has all the problems you’ll read about on here and everyone finds a way to cope.

Dementia effects everyone differently and in differing timescales. Try not to let the diagnosis become all consuming, after the initial shock you must try to continue to enjoy life day to day and deal with any problems as and when they arise. Please keep reading and posting, you will find a lot of support on the forum. All the best - stay strong.

 

[Quite contrary]

For nearly 2 years I have been looking at this site. Learning from your experiences and gaining information.

Finally got my OH to go to the doctor, then waited for a memory assessment and now the dreaded letter arrived yesterday. He has dementia and is going for a driving assessment in a couple of weeks.

i haven't slept all night and feel very frightened today.

Hello and welcome. I really feel for you. My husband wad diagnosed 18 months ago. Although we expected it (showing symptoms for 18 months prior) I kept hoping it was just something like stress, so the diagnosis still came as a shock and, like you, I was very frightened and cried lots. Information came at me from all sides and reading it all made me feel worse! However, I eventually settlef down to taking things a day at a time. After all, he is still the same person basically, just a bit more forgetful and anxious.He is not going to change overnight, so try not to fast forward to the future and instead live in the moment and make good memories while you can. We are all here for you. God bless.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

I think the title of your thread - Finally - says a lot. Although it is a shock when the docs confirm your worst fears, there is also a kind of relief to know for sure. In the early stages, I think close family spend a lot of time wondering if there's really something wrong or whether we are imagining it all. The diagnosis takes away that uncertainty, which I think is a good thing.

And now you know, you can make plans - getting POA in place, looking at finances, applying for Attendance Allowance, Council Tax reduction, etc.

Stay strong - although the diagnosis seems life-changing, nothing has actually changed - your OH is the same person he was yesterday.

 

[mickeyplum]

I think most of us have felt that sense of panic at first. Everything I knew about dementia was from depressing stories in the news and seeing care homes on TV occupied by incontinent ghosts.
I joined this site 2 years ago and it has been so valuable. Every time I feel bogged down with a problem I consult my friends and co-carers on here to take advantage of their experiences.
What I wanted to know at the start was how long before he became aggressive/incontinent/ walking round the house all night/getting lost/ not knowing me etc.
I got calm advice that each case is different and some of these things might never happen, and that it's best to go from day to day and not think too far ahead.
Four years on, none of these things have happened...yet...and memory loss, which has worsened, is the biggest problem.
Good luck, you'll find plenty of friends on here.

 

[Windy28]

I'm sorry you've found yourself needing this site but Welcome to TP. You've been given good advice there from @Grannie G , I can only agree. Get as much help as you can.

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I know I will be appreciative that this site is available for me to learn from but at the moment my head is all over the place.

 

[Windy28]

Welcome from me too @Windy28

I know what a shock it is to receive that diagnosis but nothing has really changed - you just have a name for the problem.

I agree with the others. Now is the time to plan and find out as much as you can. Continue to live life to the full. Things will change but it may not be as bad as you think. Not everyone has all the problems you’ll read about on here and everyone finds a way to cope.

I kept my PWD at home until the very late stages when falls and mobility problems meant they (I’ve had 3 relatives go through this) were no longer safe. Each person was different so each time I trod a different path...but the most useful path I found was the one that lead me here to DTP.

Some of the things I read terrified me, some happened, some didn’t but I found a way through with the help of the lovely people here.

 

[Windy28]

A lot of things I have read here have scared me too.

I went to an Alzheimer's meeting last week but was so weepy I had to leave. I will go again in four weeks. They were really nice though. I even got some hugs which I took away with a smile. I haven't been hugged in years!!

And I picked up some leaflets and started a folder to keep correspondence in.

 

[Windy28]

Hi @Windy28, welcome to the site. Very good advice by @Bunpoots



Dementia effects everyone differently and in differing timescales. Try not to let the diagnosis become all consuming, after the initial shock you must try to continue to enjoy life day to day and deal with any problems as and when they arise. Please keep reading and posting, you will find a lot of support on the forum. All the best - stay strong.

Thank you.

 

[Windy28]

Hello and welcome. I really feel for you. My husband wad diagnosed 18 months ago. Although we expected it (showing symptoms for 18 months prior) I kept hoping it was just something like stress, so the diagnosis still came as a shock and, like you, I was very frightened and cried lots. Information came at me from all sides and reading it all made me feel worse! However, I eventually settlef down to taking things a day at a time. After all, he is still the same person basically, just a bit more forgetful and anxious.He is not going to change overnight, so try not to fast forward to the future and instead live in the moment and make good memories while you can. We are all here for you. God bless.

Thank you. What you have written here makes sense to me and it is true. People are giving me information left and right. I have picked up some leaflets from the doctors reception area and I am reading them slowly. Looking on line to see what is 'close by' and basically trying to learn more about the subject.

 

[Windy28]

I think the title of your thread - Finally - says a lot. Although it is a shock when the docs confirm your worst fears, there is also a kind of relief to know for sure. In the early stages, I think close family spend a lot of time wondering if there's really something wrong or whether we are imagining it all. The diagnosis takes away that uncertainty, which I think is a good thing.

And now you know, you can make plans - getting POA in place, looking at finances, applying for Attendance Allowance, Council Tax reduction, etc.

Stay strong - although the diagnosis seems life-changing, nothing has actually changed - your OH is the same person he was yesterday.

 

[Windy28]

Thank you.

 

[Windy28]

I think most of us have felt that sense of panic at first. Everything I knew about dementia was from depressing stories in the news and seeing care homes on TV occupied by incontinent ghosts.
I joined this site 2 years ago and it has been so valuable. Every time I feel bogged down with a problem I consult my friends and co-carers on here to take advantage of their experiences.
What I wanted to know at the start was how long before he became aggressive/incontinent/ walking round the house all night/getting lost/ not knowing me etc.
I got calm advice that each case is different and some of these things might never happen, and that it's best to go from day to day and not think too far ahead.
Four years on, none of these things have happened...yet...and memory loss, which has worsened, is the biggest problem.
Good luck, you'll find plenty of friends on here.

Thank you.

 

[Pete1]

A lot of things I have read here have scared me too

Hi @Windy28, I can totally understand that. It is easy for me to say I know, but try not to apply every situation to your own and, importantly, try not to become preoccupied with what the future may hold. Both my parents had dementia (at different times) and the experiences with both were really quite different, and I think that is the one thing that the site does reveal that although there may be similarities each situation is different and the progression of the disease varies greatly. As I said before, after the initial shock of diagnosis try not be be totally overwhelmed and let it become all consuming to the detriment of enjoying the here and now. Stay strong, all the best.

 

[Windy28]

Thank you to all of you who have taken time to drop me a reply. I wasn't sure if anyone would read my note.

if I haven't thanked you personally then it is because I am finding my way around this site and haven't been 'on line' this week.

We have had a letter today informing us that he has to take a driving assessment next week. I guess that means he will have to give up the car!!

 

[Bunpoots]

An assessment doesn’t mean he’ll have to give up the car @Windy28. Do you think he’s a safe driver?

Good luck with the test.