Carers Starting Tomorrow

Kay111

Registered User
Sep 19, 2019
283
0
Hi everyone,

After a really long 4 weeks of only me and mum caring for Dad we have agency carers starting tomorrow. I can't wait for a little break, and I can't wait for mum to have a break. I'm really anxious though because dad can still be aggressive during personal care. Not all the time now, he's so much better than when he was in respite, but he can be calm and quiet as a mouse and then suddenly out of no where reach out and try to thump the arm of whoever's helping him.

I really hope it's not going to kick off tomorrow and for the carers to be put off. There's 3 of them being brought round for an introduction first thing in the morning. Dad will be grumpy anyway as he won't have been changed, but I worry all the new faces will make him really stressed out and therefore really lash out.

Wish us luck, I really can't bear the thought of not getting any help in at the moment!
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,274
0
Good luck , but I’m sure it will go well. aged mother was a pain with us but the care agency tell us she’s their nicest customer & they adore her!!!
 

Kay111

Registered User
Sep 19, 2019
283
0
Thank you all. I'm really hoping it all works out ok.

(This evening when we were changing dad he looked at me and said "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to push you over now." He was so polite about it I had to laugh.)
 

Cazzita

Registered User
May 12, 2018
617
0
Good luck, we have been there and it is worrying but they should know what to expect and what to do. Fingers crossed for you x
 

Kay111

Registered User
Sep 19, 2019
283
0
Urgh. Stress levels are up. New carer and agency rep came and dad was actually not so bad. The lady was lovely BUT has never done personal care before and now that she's gone mum is raging that she's paying good money and not getting trained help and how she'll just end up doing everything.

I'm in the mindset let's give the lady a chance but mum is winding me up something rotten with her complaining. I guess we're just both a bit disappointed.
 

RosettaT

Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
866
0
Mid Lincs
My OH's main carer left just before Christmas so he got a new carer, only 18yrs old that started 2 weeks ago. I was very unsure of her as she appeared to be unsure of herself (+ she had big boots to fill)
How things have changed 2 weeks later. She is brilliant, has grasped what make my OH tick, picked up and does all sorts of little things I was doing when helping her that I hadn't realised I did, (I'm his second carer as he needs turning). She is just wonderful, just gets on and gets the job done, all the while chatting to him and making him laugh.
Give her a chance, I hope you get the surprise I did.
 

Kay111

Registered User
Sep 19, 2019
283
0
@RosettaT - oh I'm so pleased that your OH's carer is such a good fit!!! That must be such a relief.

Yeah, I'm sure it'll all work out. I am just stressed cos mum is so annoyed. And I take her point, we're paying a lot of money and didn't really think we'd need to teach someone the job (and quite frankly, we don't know very much either!!). Sorry for the whinge. You know how you just want someone to swoop in and take the weight off your shoulders?
 

Donkeyshere

Registered User
May 25, 2016
530
0
outside UK
@RosettaT - oh I'm so pleased that your OH's carer is such a good fit!!! That must be such a relief.

Yeah, I'm sure it'll all work out. I am just stressed cos mum is so annoyed. And I take her point, we're paying a lot of money and didn't really think we'd need to teach someone the job (and quite frankly, we don't know very much either!!). Sorry for the whinge. You know how you just want someone to swoop in and take the weight off your shoulders?

Hi @Kay111 we've had carers now for 3 weeks unfortunately they are carers provided by our local social services (different to the UK) and they chop and change all week so the MIL has become slightly defiant to their requests refusing to shower. I can understand this its too much change in one go and not enough time to build any trust - so this weekend I just said come on shower and she pottered after me quite happy because she trusts me and knows me. But I totally get taking the weight off your shoulders - sometimes it adds to in inadvertently! I hope it settles down for you soon.
 

Kay111

Registered User
Sep 19, 2019
283
0
@Donkeyshere oh your poor MIL, as if PWDs dont find things disorientating enough as it is!! I completely understand how stressful that could be. You'd think they'd be able to make it a regular rota as it's not like your MIL's care needs change from one day to the other.

Well, mum is left unhappy but I can report that dad liked the carer and hardly gave her any trouble in the feistiness department (yay!). Highlight of the day (!) though was out of the blue he called agency rep (who was quietly minding his own business making notes) "a little bollock of a man". (Thankfully the "little bollock of a man" (who is actually lovely) laughed!)
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
I can understand your mums unhappiness, but honestly, I think that if he is more co-operative with the carer that in itself is worth the money.
 

Kay111

Registered User
Sep 19, 2019
283
0
@canary - yes, I think so too. I worry that the carer is a bit overwhelmed by how physical the job might end up being - she said she's only been a companion before. I hope it doesn't put her off but I suppose we can only worry about one thing at a time.
 

Alex54

Registered User
Oct 15, 2018
356
0
Newtown, Wales
The lady was lovely BUT has never done personal care before and now that she's gone mum is raging
Kay, I hate to say this, but I side with your mother over this. Did you specify with the care company that you wanted carers experienced with dementia clients? It is a hard lesson to learn but always specify what you want.
 

Kay111

Registered User
Sep 19, 2019
283
0
@Alex54 the carer does have dementia experience, and her manner in dealing with dad is really super. It's just the practical side of personal care. She's been a carer to a PWD who isn't as advanced and so hasn't needed such hands on care, shall we say.

She was unfamiliar with a mobile hoist. The agency is giving her training by having someone come to every one of her sessions this week but...yeah.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
My feeling is that you can learn learn practical skills like using a hoist and how to do personal care, but knowing how to relate to someone with dementia is not something that you can be taught.
Id see how it goes.
 

Kay111

Registered User
Sep 19, 2019
283
0
The carer was great today though dad managed to wallop her on the cheek. I feel so bad!!!!!! I was in there cradling his hands for the whole time but I had to go throw out his wet clothes into the basket and I said "just be careful". I was literally gone 0.3823 seconds just to lean out of the room and do a basketball dunk of his pile of clothes into the basket and as I turned back in to the room I saw him reach up out wallop her. I feel so so so so dreadful!!!!!!! :(
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
I was literally gone 0.3823 seconds just to lean out of the room and do a basketball dunk of his pile of clothes into the basket and as I turned back in to the room I saw him reach up out wallop her.
Ohhh, thats a shame. I hope she was OK about it.
What about bringing the basket into the room (or a bucket if the clothes are wet)? Then as the clothes come off they can go straight in there
 

Kay111

Registered User
Sep 19, 2019
283
0
@canary we normally do, it's just because everything's been out of the usual routine me and mum had built up while we've been showing the new carer the ropes, I just forgot. :(

She was OK about it but you could tell she was understandably a little shaken. I feel dreadful though :( :( :( I hope she understands that he's just a little worse than usual because of all the new faces and normally me or mum are there to hold dad's hand to divert any lashing out.
 

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