A lifelong friend and me

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Palerider

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Aug 9, 2015
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As I get older I am going to bed earlier, is this normal??

Anyway off to bed, working all week apart from New Years Day, and I am too old to stay up late as up at 6...and home by 11pm....repeated.

I have never celerbrated New Years Eve, but by God may next year be a better one....or some infinite power is going to have some explaining to do!!!!
 

Lynmax

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Nov 1, 2016
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As can be seen by the timing of many of my posts, I am going to bed later and later the older I get.. Although recently retired, I lead an active life and do need at least 7 hours sleep, I find I get second wind around 11pm and don't settle down to sleep until about 2 am but then wake up mid morning!

A record for me was a couple of nights ago when I got engrossed in a book and read until 6 am!
 

Duggies-girl

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Sep 6, 2017
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I am still up @Lynmax pretending to be asleep in dad's spare room now that dad is in bed but I am listening to music on spotify. I have a large whisky too. It is a bit of me time. I am just not tired. Back to the music. Good night.
 

Lynmax

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Nov 1, 2016
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I am still up @Lynmax pretending to be asleep in dad's spare room now that dad is in bed but I am listening to music on spotify. I have a large whisky too. It is a bit of me time. I am just not tired. Back to the music. Good night.

Me time is so important isn't it! I don't live with my mum and share her care with my fantastic brother and sister but even so, I need some days when I don't have to drive across town to visit her. I feel selfish sometimes as I live on my own so am "alone" in the house but days when I have nothing planned are wonderful!
 

DesperateofDevon

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Jul 7, 2019
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As I get older I am going to bed earlier, is this normal??

Anyway off to bed, working all week apart from New Years Day, and I am too old to stay up late as up at 6...and home by 11pm....repeated.

I have never celerbrated New Years Eve, but by God may next year be a better one....or some infinite power is going to have some explaining to do!!!!

ive been managing to beat the average toddler into bed for years!
Then the insomnia with worry, now permanent exhaustion & wondering if it’s rude to continually miss New Year’s Eve?

um no !
So I will be off to bed early & hope the fireworks don’t wake me up!!

xx
 

Palerider

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Ironically today being New Years Day I took mum to see her parents in the grounds of the crematorium and see the book of remembrance, as her father (my grandad) died on 1st Jan 1967. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea but when we arrived mum popped into realising where she was and knew she had come to see her parents resting place. We looked at the book and then went out to see the plot, and there was a little wreath (planted by me before xmas), mum was pleased to see someone had cared enough. We got back in the car, and by the time we had turned out of the driveway she had forgotten. Its a beauthiful spot and took a quick picture of the winter sky

2.jpg
 

Palerider

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I guess that is what you define as a good day.

Yes it was a good day after sorting a few issues with the CH (I won't go into that).

Its funny my gran and mum used to take me as a child to the same place on the same day every year, of course gran passed away and then mum continued, and now its me that drives visiting every New Years day. I never knew my grandad he died in the January and I was born in October same year. But when I go I don't feel sad, but I do feel my gran and its almost as if she is there with us :). Mum in that moment is like mum again, though short lived :(.

Glad I took her, this may be the last year she visits as her illness will get worse over the next 12 months
 

anxious annie

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Jan 2, 2019
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It looks a beautiful setting, Palerider, and I'm sure your mum appreciated "the moment". Hoping you and everyone else on TP have a new year with these precious moments to give strength for the difficult times xx
 

Palerider

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Well now Christmas is done its time to move on and sort mums affairs out and sell her property. Its never ending, as I jump from the anxieties of worrying about mum home alone to financial and legal matters I feel a bit more relaxed, but its not without some shocks along the way.

I have now received the yearly statement on the equity release mum and dad took out and the debt owed is at £139,000, which would leave approx the same amount once paid. However, the company are also asking for an early settlement fee of £13,000. Just to note my parents only borrowed £50,000, meaning £112,000 will have been thrown away in interest and settlement fee. I does anger me that these companies can rip people off so much!!! But people do what they do, and now I have to sort this mess out.

Think very carefully about equity release !!!
 

Splashing About

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Oct 20, 2019
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I have now received the yearly statement on the equity release mum and dad took out and the debt owed is at £139,000, which would leave approx the same amount once paid. However, the company are also asking for an early settlement fee of £13,000. Just to note my parents only borrowed £50,000, meaning £112,000 will have been thrown away in interest and settlement fee. I does anger me that these companies can rip people off so much!!! But people do what they do, and now I have to sort this mess out.

Think very carefully about equity release !!!

Equity release adverts on TV make my blood boil....along with gambling and “we buy any house/car”, payday loans etc. They all rely on getting people to make choices that they wouldn’t make if they didn’t need the money...which then make them poorer. I think there should be better regulation.
 

DesperateofDevon

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Jul 7, 2019
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Ironically today being New Years Day I took mum to see her parents in the grounds of the crematorium and see the book of remembrance, as her father (my grandad) died on 1st Jan 1967. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea but when we arrived mum popped into realising where she was and knew she had come to see her parents resting place. We looked at the book and then went out to see the plot, and there was a little wreath (planted by me before xmas), mum was pleased to see someone had cared enough. We got back in the car, and by the time we had turned out of the driveway she had forgotten. Its a beauthiful spot and took a quick picture of the winter sky

View attachment 61951

How lovely to have that precious moment at such a poignant time. a beautiful picture xx
 

DesperateofDevon

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Jul 7, 2019
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Well now Christmas is done its time to move on and sort mums affairs out and sell her property. Its never ending, as I jump from the anxieties of worrying about mum home alone to financial and legal matters I feel a bit more relaxed, but its not without some shocks along the way.

I have now received the yearly statement on the equity release mum and dad took out and the debt owed is at £139,000, which would leave approx the same amount once paid. However, the company are also asking for an early settlement fee of £13,000. Just to note my parents only borrowed £50,000, meaning £112,000 will have been thrown away in interest and settlement fee. I does anger me that these companies can rip people off so much!!! But people do what they do, and now I have to sort this mess out.

Think very carefully about equity release !!!
Holy moly!
What an earth was the interest rate?
As you are acting on your Mums behalf can you query the early settlement fee?

To be honest I think I’d be contacting the financial omnibudsman - after all that’s how the personal insurance plans got investigated & look how that turned out.

Good luck xxx
 

Bikerbeth

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Feb 11, 2019
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I have now received the yearly statement on the equity release mum and dad took out and the debt owed is at £139,000, which would leave approx the same amount once paid. However, the company are also asking for an early settlement fee of £13,000. Just to note my parents only borrowed £50,000, meaning £112,000 will have been thrown away in interest and settlement fee. I does anger me that these companies can rip people off so much!!! But people do what they do, and now I have to sort this mess out.

Think very carefully about equity release !!!
Absolutely ridiculous. I would be equally angry, as for the early settlement fee :mad:
 

Pete1

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Jul 16, 2019
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Just to note my parents only borrowed £50,000, meaning £112,000 will have been thrown away in interest and settlement fee.
Hi @Palerider, yes its quite sobering when you see the true cost. On a brighter note I read that you had a enjoyable trip out with your Mum, even if she had forgotten soon after its all about being in the moment. All the best.
 

Palerider

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Aug 9, 2015
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Thanks everyone, I could literally weep at the current situation, but that wouldn't change a thing. I am going to raise the settlement fee though, although I am wondering if mum was ever fit to sign the equity release agreement in the first place.

Today I have been searching for nursing/EMI CH's and found there are a number of terms that add to confusion when calling homes to discuss and ask for an appoitnment to view. I have found the best thing to ask for is "residential EMI" as all other terms confuse the care homes (yes I know). I think we need to seriously review the whole care home/dementia thing and have a national standard of care and care home registration i.e. if it says dementia then that means all the issues that come with it and not as many places advertise 'specialist dementia nursing/dementia care' when clearly they don't want residents with challenging behaviours. This would save my phone bill at the very least!
 

Palerider

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Aug 9, 2015
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Off to see mum later and take her out for a drive and some cake and coffee, which she seemed keen on yesterday. The water tablets have helped reduce the swelling in her legs but poor mum is struggling with all the extra water to pass :eek:

I have had a few issues to sort out this week with the CH and had to get onto the district nurses (DN) on New Years day as I was getting concerned over a few issues -these are now on the radar and the DN's have taken over what the CH can't manage. I am sure the CH staff do their best, but I wasn't happy with the state I found mum in on New Years day. There is always the risk that carers don't know what they don't know -and that leads to unintended problems. Things seemed to have improved since, now that its been identified and managed.

Much to my frustration I had to show an agency carer yesterday how to get mum to change her clothes when she's been incontinent of urine, but I could see the carer wasn't confident so we changed mum together -it wasn't as difficult as the carer though it would be, and yes mum can be stubborn and obstructive, but thats part and parcel of 'caring' in the dementia world. I am however pleased to report that mums skin is intact (at least I know something positive for myself) -sigh
 
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