Dad went wild last night on the rampage

[Roseleigh]

Thanks already had a look at one was in the process of looking at few others not much choice as only 4 la funded homes in borough social worker coming Monday for pre arranged appointment so ill tell her the latest twist really really didn’t want to go down this route and my dad won't stay in a home i dont know how they going do it and i dint want to make this decision

Sorry to hear you've had such a horrible experience.
You need to tell the social worker this is a safeguarding issue. Your dad is an extremely vulnerable person and priority need for a care home. The fact he is in a busy city with a high number of criminals makes his situation even more dangerous. Will he be self funding initially? If he's needing LA funding from the start the social worker needs too get on the case and find him a bed. If hes self funding intially then its your decision but the social worker should still help,

 

[Roseleigh]

Also if he is becoming severely agitated call the GP as there are drugs which help. My husband is similar,like your dad fit and not-so-old, and his agitation and aggression has built up for months, and he's been rejected by numerous care homes. He is now on Respiridone and seems to be gradually settling.

 

[MaNaAk]

Dear Deepetshopboy,

You could try another care home for at least respite care to see how he would get on in residential care and give you a break.

MaNaAk

 

[Palerider]

I've been catching up on your thread, a lot has happened since you first posted and big changes too in your dad. You must be struggling, I know I was in the end.

Its hard, trying to make decisions, but as everyone else has tried to say, maybe its best to just go with respite and trial it. I know your not happy with the care homes in your area, but this is only going to get worse. I didn't get a chance to see the one my mum was going to before she went as things are the same here in terms of limited choice, but I was glad a place came up after having to fight for it. We somehow have landed on our feet as far as the care home goes, which was pot luck more than anything else in the end. Its not ideal, but I can't complain either.

Sometimes you do have to get assertive with Social Services, they have limited resources and if your dad is wandering they need to up their game, you can't manage this on your own caring for your dad and also try to find a place for him. Ask for emergency respite if things spiral too much for you.

There comes a point when you just have to make a decision and go with it, I don't think you will ever find anything that is perfect, as others have said on this forum.

The change in behaviour is also hard going, and while medication may help its going to take time to get your dad seen and also actually settled on any meds, so respite care is probably an option until you can get more help in that respect.

I hope you have a more peaceful few days and something comes up soon

 

[Roseleigh]

The change in behaviour is also hard going, and while medication may help its going to take time to get your dad seen and also actually settled on any meds, so respite care is probably an option until you can get more help in that respect.

When my OH went ballistic a couple of weeks ago the GP got meds through to our local pharmacy within hours, and did a home visit the next day. Finding respite on the other hand is proving a nightmare as most 'dementia' CHs only want to take those who are placid. They have the issue of safeguarding other patients.

 

[myss]

Ive been in contact constantly with the memory clinic nurse regarding my dad getting worse not sleeping etc she had a big meeting after waiting 3 weeks for her to get back to me said they dont want to give him anymore drugs hes already on mementine and aricept ive been going to and between gp and memory clinic
gps washed there hands of it said has to be memory clininc decision memory clininc said coming in January to visit will access him but no more tablets for now
only spoke to her monday ive had to resort to giving him sleeping tablets herbal as he wasn’t sleeping and pacing that was original reason i contacted them but also told her he’s getting worse ie fidgety asked about rispedrol etc said no im really at my wits end

Oh my @deepetshopboy what a weekend you had. What a shocking time it must have been for you and your dad. You did nothing wrong him bringing him to the hospital, it wasn't deemed necessary, the paramedics wouldn't have brought him there. That nurse had a cheek.

I'm glad to hear that things seemed to have quieten down after that and you had an pre-arranged appointment with the social worker a couple days after.

I note your post above and the medication your dad is on. Are you sure that he has been taken them daily?

 

[MaNaAk]

I'm interested to see how things are now Deepetshop Boy.

I hope they're better.

MaNaAk

 

[deepetshopboy]

Oh my @deepetshopboy what a weekend you had. What a shocking time it must have been for you and your dad. You did nothing wrong him bringing him to the hospital, it wasn't deemed necessary, the paramedics wouldn't have brought him there. That nurse had a cheek.

I'm glad to hear that things seemed to have quieten down after that and you had an pre-arranged appointment with the social worker a couple days after.

I note your post above and the medication your dad is on. Are you sure that he has been taken them daily?

Thank you yes
My dad is on aricept and mementine just waiting on results for uti

 

[deepetshopboy]

I'm interested to see how things are now Deepetshop Boy.

I hope they're better.

MaNaAk

Hi nope not much has changed
Had a quiet week dad been ok social worker come to visit told her everything just looked at me said what would you do if i flung my arms into the air and gave up and said i cant look after him and leave him in social services offices ? she just gawped they know im not going to do that
Bascially said she will contact memory clinic re lack of tablets not willing to give sleeping tabs or anti anxiety as to why told her they wont as worried it will affect him hes dementia
No homes in borough there directing them to other homes outside all full and my dad wouldn’t qualify hes not ill enough and she didnt know about funding etc and they would have to have meeting etc safeguarding asses what he wants if he just even went in respite
She’s contacting day centre and looking into rehabilitation carers for 6 weeks sending me a load of finical forms and looking into buddy from care-link a gps ( tried loads don’t work) tbf the social worker was only very young i knew more then her im at a loss i really am

 

[Bunpoots]

Is there any chance you could get a more experienced social worker @deepetshopboy ? Your dad is obviously quite challenging and you should have someone who knows the ropes.

 

[Marnie63]

Been wondering how things are too, as your horrendous experience resonated with me and how mum was at times. It seems your dad is calmer at the moment, which is good. The awful challenge is that there's no easy and common 'fix' for everyone as everyone responds differently to the meds, so it takes time to try and assess by the medics. My mum was put on Risperidone a few times to calm her anxiety and fears, but it was too strong and made her sleep a lot and drool. But it was worth trying and I know it works for some. Our saviour in the meds world was Lorazepam. Made her sleepy as well, but did calm her more gently than the Risperidone, though about 24 hours later, made her even more anxious! In time, and as the disease progressed, mum's anxieties went away and it was easier to deal with. I don't wish further progression on anyone, but phases usually pass (though not always!), so I really hope you get some further support and help, and maybe a good fit with the meds for your dad. It sounds like you need a break too, maybe if some good carers come along you can at least go out for a breather and let someone else take the strain for a short while. That's what I used to do. Sometimes if it was too early to go home, I would sit in the car in a supermarket car park and cry, but not go back home as the time away from the horror of it all was precious ...

 

[deepetshopboy]

Is there any chance you could get a more experienced social worker @deepetshopboy ? Your dad is obviously quite challenging and you should have someone who knows the ropes.

Im
Not sure tbh think shes a a novice but think there in short supply overcrowded London area but updates this morning from her
Ive got to deceide by monday as to what sort of care ie how many hours as there now trying to arrange respite carers via there 6 weeks rehabilitation carers im to pick what days etc but asked them if they could take my dad out they cant so im stuck with a hour here or there or 2 hours have to ask them to do housework my dad doesn't like strangers sat there he think carers are there to clean thats how i sold it to him last time with private cares i said what about long term she said they will try and contact carer agencys in the meantime i told her ive tried in vain to get 1 carer 2 hours for a day a week cannot get it !!! Being let down badly by agency coming out wasting 2 hours on assesment safety etc then not hearing back she said they might listen to ss more
going to contact memory clinic as to why they didnt come out and reassses my dad or offer him any further medication
and get me the crisis team number from memory clininc going to get in touch with carelink ie buddi gps ( dont think its a gps ) think its a falls bracelet ?
Said they have a company deals with insurance tax etc for private carers ie personal assistant direct payments to try that route and try daycentre again i told im dealing with at 50 things a week id need to be a full time secretary in addition to looking after my dad i tild her im near carers breakdown i need help
This is too much for 1 person to deal with

 

[deepetshopboy]

Been wondering how things are too, as your horrendous experience resonated with me and how mum was at times. It seems your dad is calmer at the moment, which is good. The awful challenge is that there's no easy and common 'fix' for everyone as everyone responds differently to the meds, so it takes time to try and assess by the medics. My mum was put on Risperidone a few times to calm her anxiety and fears, but it was too strong and made her sleep a lot and drool. But it was worth trying and I know it works for some. Our saviour in the meds world was Lorazepam. Made her sleepy as well, but did calm her more gently than the Risperidone, though about 24 hours later, made her even more anxious! In time, and as the disease progressed, mum's anxieties went away and it was easier to deal with. I don't wish further progression on anyone, but phases usually pass (though not always!), so I really hope you get some further support and help, and maybe a good fit with the meds for your dad. It sounds like you need a break too, maybe if some good carers come along you can at least go out for a breather and let someone else take the strain for a short while. That's what I used to do. Sometimes if it was too early to go home, I would sit in the car in a supermarket car park and cry, but not go back home as the time away from the horror of it all was precious ...

I know that feeling dread and anxiety of overwhelming nightmare and stress and having to deal with it after a day of ‘normality ‘x

 

[MaNaAk]

I think as Bunpoots says you need a more experienced social worker.

MaNaAk

 

[deepetshopboy]

I think as Bunpoots says you need a more experienced social worker.

MaNaAk

Not sure how i ask for a different sw
She called today saying shes contacting purchasing team about ‘respite carers’ which i presume will be free for 6 weeks
shes ‘ hoping ‘a agency will pick it up after the six weeks or i get direct payment to get a pA or find agency to do it ( which ive tried agencys for last month couldnt get a carer anywhere) privately funding it
Said cant get carer to do shopping as ill be shopping in my respite time or i go shopping with my dad anyway ! Bascially telling me what i can do when the carer comes ☹️ I told her the carers will have to do domestic chores laundry make tea sandwiches etc said oh not enough for them to do do they want to get your dad to call hes family i said no because hes sister rings him 2 times a week is cranky anyway and wouldn’t appreciate my dad ringing her 3 times a week talking gibberish shes 90 yrs old nr blind
Sw asking stupid questions like does he want to help put milk or sugar in hes tea i told her he can make hes own tea when carers there no shouldnt scald himself
Shes tried to pass a few things back to me to do ie ring daycentre find out numbers when i clearly told her i was going have a nervous breakdown with the amount of stuff im doing i had a list of questions which i didnt have time to ask her so had to email her she hasnt replied back
Then earlier i had a phone call from direct payments shes passed me to them they said they cant understand why they been told to contact me normally they only contact me when they do direct payments or help with personal assistant adverts and national insurance etc but they haven’t done financed assesment yet I've been told by her shes not even sure social services will help due to my dad having 20 k in saving as they might say its not worth it so that leaves me to pick up and shoulder the whole fiasco and stress again
The sw said they cant force my dad to go in a daycentre they would have to have a best interest meeting its mind boggling and more stress .im starting to wish i never contacting ss

 

[deepetshopboy]

Also decided that carers will come tue Thursday sat 1 1/2 hour a time

I told her they must stay the full time if im to go out
I told her that my dad wont like them sitting there they will have to do something while there here ie domestic tasks she keep saying that’s not enough I told her there will be plenty to do as its a v big flat
Im not sure what she wants me to tell her to do other then run my dad a bath domestic chores and make sandwiches and tea he doesn’t need hoisted or personal care

 

[annielou]

Grrrrr on your behalf.
Why is everything so blooming hard and convoluted and endless rounds of back and forth between departments. I am starting to believe people are being deliberately daft and over complicate things on purpose so we give up asking for help.
Sorry cant offer any useful advice but I do feel sorry for you, and all of us having to deal with this weird system thats supposed to help but often doesnt x

 

[deepetshopboy]

Grrrrr on your behalf.
Why is everything so blooming hard and convoluted and endless rounds of back and forth between departments. I am starting to believe people are being deliberately daft and over complicate things on purpose so we give up asking for help.
Sorry cant offer any useful advice but I do feel sorry for you, and all of us having to deal with this weird system thats supposed to help but often doesnt x

I know its torture sometimes
I wonder myself if they are stupid on purpose or just normally that way sick of going over the same old thing again and again correcting mistakes.i got a feeling that now if ss involved they try and start lying down the law just another person /institution ill have to keep justifying this and that to that will try and run rings around me .going have to start shouting now stop being miss polite
Sw Already said my dad cant go into home have to consider hes best interests what he wants not ill enough etc wont fund it
Ok so do they want me to be sectioned myself if they are not willing to help with carers adequately or listen properly
do they want me run into the ground ? seems so ..can see now how people dump there relatives at airport etc as cannot cope horrendous thing to do but now can see why probably driven to despair

 

[kindred]

I know its torture sometimes
I wonder myself if they are stupid on purpose or just normally that way sick of going over the same old thing again and again correcting mistakes.i got a feeling that now if ss involved they try and start lying down the law just another person /institution ill have to keep justifying this and that to that will try and run rings around me .going have to start shouting now stop being miss polite
Sw Already said my dad cant go into home have to consider hes best interests what he wants not ill enough etc wont fund it
Ok so do they want me to be sectioned myself if they are not willing to help with carers adequately or listen properly
do they want me run into the ground ? seems so ..can see now how people dump there relatives at airport etc as cannot cope horrendous thing to do but now can see why probably driven to despair

I am so sorry. Think about contacting an independent social worker. They do not cost all that much and I hear good things on this forum. warmest, Kindred.

 

[deepetshopboy]

I am so sorry. Think about contacting an independent social worker. They do not cost all that much and I hear good things on this forum. warmest, Kindred.

I have tried googling one she never got back
This morning 3 arabic lady carers turned up nobody told me they were coming she had no care plan and turned up a hour over the time from a agency that specialises in arabic people im not racist but cultural differences there she didn’t know what she was there to do i was on my way out the door with dad important appointment
My dads irish
Wont touch pork /ham in sandwiches which my dads eats
Said will bring her friend to help
If i hadnt been there would have load of women sitting in my dads living room its a beyond a joke
Emailed the sw told her im not happy im desperate fir a carer but not that desperate and ( ask if i could get a new sw in different email )asked if i could cancel the carers which I might just do