I hope you find some way of getting a break soon, its like waiting for a miracle though isn't it.
I've been staying with mum almost 6 weeks now, before that a few weeks of visiting every day for about 7/8 hours a day with a dozen phone calls too and before that visiting a few days a week with dozens of calls a day. I don't know how much longer I can carry on and its not been that long compared to a lot of people. But I feel like my life has been taken over. She doesnt want strangers in her house so wouldn't accept carers SW mentioned although they were only 3 short visits a day to help get dressed check eaten and taken tablets. She told SW didn't need them as nothing wrong she could cope and had me! She won't have any private ones for same reasons, plus doesnt want to pay for them. We were given 4 weeks respite a year but mum doesnt like idea, she alternates between doesnt want to go in home and if she goes in whats point if has to come out again. I suggested befrienders so someone could sit with her for chat while I go home or out for a bit and she didn't have to pay but still didn't like that idea and I couldn't find any round here anyway.
I'm currently trying the idea of ageuk day care which she has been saying will do but keeps putting off and backtracking. I rang yesterday to arrange visit to look round but manager is away till Tuesday so they will ask her to ring me back then and I'm hoping mum goes and agrees to go but I have a feeling she will not want to.
Mum wants my attention every minute, she can't entertain herself now so just sits there hoping I'll do it. When I'm quiet she'll get grumpy and say why aren't you talking to me. She follows me round when I'm doing things. Hubby comes to mums or some days mum and me go to my house for few hours and I see hubby then but we can't chat without her and barely get a few minutes alone in a room without her following us. When I'm on the phone she moans and often shouts that I'm ignoring her so I text rather than call if possible. I have the volume on my mobile at its lowest so I can text without her noticing as much as she moans about me being on it. I cant look at a magazine unless she is which is not for long now as she cant concentrate. The past week I have managed to knit a few times without her complaining which feels huge. I can't go out and leave her alone, I did a couple of times first week I was here though was less than an hour but the next time I tried she got really worried and upset and since then although occasionaly says she'll be ok when it comes to it shes scared and confused for me to leave her so I don't even try now. The only break I get is when she's in the shower, loo or asleep. When I'm in the loo or shower she often interupts me to ask things or moans I'm too long and wakes me up in the night too. I can't go to bed until she does, she wakes up during night and early in a morning and though she often nods off during the day and evening if my eyes ever droop she'll say VERY loudly, 'you're not going to sleep are you, well thats brilliant what am I supposed to do' or something similar.
My sister has been to stay with mum a couple of days twice during last few weeks and she's fine with sis but still wants to come see me too and keeps asking when she is seeing me. So although I saw her and mum in the day I did manage 4 nights sleeping at home in the last month, though most of it was spent looking on internet for things to do with dementia and doing housework but I did get a bit of a break which is more than some people have.
I know mum cant help being so self focussed but I feel like my life has been sacrificed for hers, much as I love and want to help and look after her it feels too much. And at the same time I keep doing it because I love her and just keep hoping for a miracle solution person who will come along to look after her which she'll accept so I can have a rest knowing shes safe and happy. Which I'm sure is how many people feel.
I hope you get your 'miracle' soon and find something your OH accepts to give you a break X
P.s sorry my long ramble I do go on