Feelings burned out

[Psalms36]

I have been taking care of my Mom for a very long time.
I am at a point I just turned 36 year's old and my Mother is no longer even caring to help herself.
I can ask her to do something it's a fight. But her Worker can ask her to do the same thing and she will look at me and Smile then she will say * *** and tell her worker okay.
What do I do
Am I doing something wrong

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @Psalms36.

I’m sorry to hear that things are difficult for you just now. I’m sure you’ll find lots of help and support here. I wondered if you would find this link useful -

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

 

[Woo2]

Welcome to Tp from me @Psalms36 , I am sorry to hear the struggle you are having . It unfortunately is quite common , i don’t have any experience of this but other members will hopefully be along soon with some advice . Keep posting here as there is a wealth of knowledge and experience .Take care.

 

[canary]

Ha! This is Hostess Mode @Psalms36 - its a subconscious survival instinct making them able to sort of pull themselves together and talk and act almost normally in front of family who they dont see often and authority figures (usually medical staff). It takes a lot of effort and they cant maintain it for long, but usually just long enough for the visitor to think that they are more capable than they really are and for the main carer to wonder whether they are making it all up.

OH has been in hospital with a UTI and before he was allowed home the OT had to assess him to see whether he could wash and shower himself. She said that he could do it perfectly well without any assistance at all, which surprised me because I was having to help him before he went into hospital. Now he is home, can he do it himself? Can he heck.
Its very annoying.

Your Mother is having trouble working out how to do things to look after herself. It is a very common symptom of dementia. They also, very commonly are totally unaware that they are not doing these things and will loudly protest that they have already washed/had a meal/done housework/etc, or that they intend to do it later - and they really think that its true. Dont argue, try using the Compassionate Communication techniques, and tell yourself that at least she will co-operate for the carer workers.

 

[Psalms36]

Ha! This is Hostess Mode @Psalms36 - its a subconscious survival instinct making them able to sort of pull themselves together and talk and act almost normally in front of family who they dont see often and authority figures (usually medical staff). It takes a lot of effort and they cant maintain it for long, but usually just long enough for the visitor to think that they are more capable than they really are and for the main carer to wonder whether they are making it all up.

OH has been in hospital with a UTI and before he was allowed home the OT had to assess him to see whether he could wash and shower himself. She said that he could do it perfectly well without any assistance at all, which surprised me because I was having to help him before he went into hospital. Now he is home, can he do it himself? Can he heck.
Its very annoying.

Your Mother is having trouble working out how to do things to look after herself. It is a very common symptom of dementia. They also, very commonly are totally unaware that they are not doing these things and will loudly protest that they have already washed/had a meal/done housework/etc, or that they intend to do it later - and they really think that its true. Dont argue, try using the Compassionate Communication techniques, and tell yourself that at least she will co-operate for the carer workers.

 

[Psalms36]

Thank you
Yes I have realized that about my mom.
The other thing is now she's in a different stage. It just seems like she stages faster each time. And it's like she has two different personalities.
She started talking about a woman that has never existed.come to find out I was told my one of my family member's that was her pretend friend when she was a child.
I am also beside myself at this point in time because one of her worker's took advantage of her situation and Now that person can't come back and it set my mother back a bit. At the sametime it's nice to have this group but I also need to find one I can go to outside of my home and There is hardly any around.
It would be good for her too