Its an awful thing to say but I feel like I'm an inmate in mums prison lately.
A while ago mum said her home felt like a prison because she's stuck in it all the time with nothing to do and nobody to talk to.
At the time I felt sorry for her but as I was seeing her most days and she was coming to my house a few times a week and she had been there most of the day before I thought she was either confused or exaggerating a bit because she was fed up.
As mums memory seems to have got worse over the last few weeks and she gets confused how much time has passed and forgets what we've done, where we've been and how long I've been with her I thought thats probably is what it feels like to mum. It probably does feel like a prison.
And as I've been staying with her since last Tuesday (apart from 2 nights last week when my sister stayed) I also feel like I'm in a prison.
We're stuck together 24 hours a day, apart from when she's asleep, and mum wants to know where I am the whole time. Even when mums in bed she calls out for me or gets up and comes to find me to ask me if things are locked up, has she done this, and during the night asks where am I or where is she and I won't leave her on her own will I.
During the day she wants to be with me all the time and doesn't like me doing anything else that might have even part of my attention, if I'm texting or looking on my phone she gets annoyed. If I'm out of the room doing a job she constantly calls out or comes looking to see what I'm doing.
When hubby comes to visit if we talk she wants to know what we're saying and when I go to show him out she often moans about me taking too long.
I went in another room the other day when my sister rang to talk about arranging social care assessment and mum kept coming in telling me to hurry up because I was ignoring her.
At times I get so frustrated and feel trapped especially when she's annoyed at me over 'ignoring' her or 'getting on at her' which is usually when she asks me how to do something and gets annoyed when I tell her, or I Ask her if or why she did something, or she says one thing, I do it, she has forgotten she said that and starts telling me off for whatever I have done and doesn't believe me when I tell her it was her idea.
And I also find it hard as she is constantly asking questions about what she's done, how bad her memory is, why I'm staying, why no one is helping her and no matter what I say or do she just won't stop and gets in a loop for hours.
It's awful seeing her getting upset and scared by what she has done or what she cant remember or what might happen and on a selfish note it's awful for me going through it over and over again reminding myself how sad things are and knowing that no matter what she says now, whether agreeing to try this or that she will have forgotten it soon and we'll keep having these same conversations that get us nowhere except upset.
Nothing I try can take her mind off these questions once she starts on the loop and there's nowhere I can go to have a minute where she won't follow me except the bathroom and even then as it's a small bungalow she just talks through the door at me if I'm gone more than a minute.
I'm constantly watching her or listening out for to check she's ok or needs help and not doing something odd. Every day I'm in the shower (the longest time I'm not with mum apart from bed time) I come out to find mum has done something with my stuff like most days she throws my glass of water away and washes up glass. Moves things like magazines, sweets, and this morning threw the new pack of brioche away I'd bought for my breakfasts. Or put the washer on even though we decided not to because its raining and the airers full. Or thrown the loaf away that still in date and were going to use at lunch.
I know its selfish to feel so trapped and frustrated and annoyed at things that mum isn't doing on purpose, I know it must be worse for mum. She never asked for this and as she says, she's not enjoying it and doesn't want it, but I can't stop myself feeling like we're now both trapped and controlled by this.
I feel like I'm being sorry for myself and morngy feelingvlike this.
Does anyone else feel like this?
A while ago mum said her home felt like a prison because she's stuck in it all the time with nothing to do and nobody to talk to.
At the time I felt sorry for her but as I was seeing her most days and she was coming to my house a few times a week and she had been there most of the day before I thought she was either confused or exaggerating a bit because she was fed up.
As mums memory seems to have got worse over the last few weeks and she gets confused how much time has passed and forgets what we've done, where we've been and how long I've been with her I thought thats probably is what it feels like to mum. It probably does feel like a prison.
And as I've been staying with her since last Tuesday (apart from 2 nights last week when my sister stayed) I also feel like I'm in a prison.
We're stuck together 24 hours a day, apart from when she's asleep, and mum wants to know where I am the whole time. Even when mums in bed she calls out for me or gets up and comes to find me to ask me if things are locked up, has she done this, and during the night asks where am I or where is she and I won't leave her on her own will I.
During the day she wants to be with me all the time and doesn't like me doing anything else that might have even part of my attention, if I'm texting or looking on my phone she gets annoyed. If I'm out of the room doing a job she constantly calls out or comes looking to see what I'm doing.
When hubby comes to visit if we talk she wants to know what we're saying and when I go to show him out she often moans about me taking too long.
I went in another room the other day when my sister rang to talk about arranging social care assessment and mum kept coming in telling me to hurry up because I was ignoring her.
At times I get so frustrated and feel trapped especially when she's annoyed at me over 'ignoring' her or 'getting on at her' which is usually when she asks me how to do something and gets annoyed when I tell her, or I Ask her if or why she did something, or she says one thing, I do it, she has forgotten she said that and starts telling me off for whatever I have done and doesn't believe me when I tell her it was her idea.
And I also find it hard as she is constantly asking questions about what she's done, how bad her memory is, why I'm staying, why no one is helping her and no matter what I say or do she just won't stop and gets in a loop for hours.
It's awful seeing her getting upset and scared by what she has done or what she cant remember or what might happen and on a selfish note it's awful for me going through it over and over again reminding myself how sad things are and knowing that no matter what she says now, whether agreeing to try this or that she will have forgotten it soon and we'll keep having these same conversations that get us nowhere except upset.
Nothing I try can take her mind off these questions once she starts on the loop and there's nowhere I can go to have a minute where she won't follow me except the bathroom and even then as it's a small bungalow she just talks through the door at me if I'm gone more than a minute.
I'm constantly watching her or listening out for to check she's ok or needs help and not doing something odd. Every day I'm in the shower (the longest time I'm not with mum apart from bed time) I come out to find mum has done something with my stuff like most days she throws my glass of water away and washes up glass. Moves things like magazines, sweets, and this morning threw the new pack of brioche away I'd bought for my breakfasts. Or put the washer on even though we decided not to because its raining and the airers full. Or thrown the loaf away that still in date and were going to use at lunch.
I know its selfish to feel so trapped and frustrated and annoyed at things that mum isn't doing on purpose, I know it must be worse for mum. She never asked for this and as she says, she's not enjoying it and doesn't want it, but I can't stop myself feeling like we're now both trapped and controlled by this.
I feel like I'm being sorry for myself and morngy feelingvlike this.
Does anyone else feel like this?