Help! on our third home Due to inappropriate behaviour

[Clare. S]

Hi There,

I hope you can help me, I will try and keep this short as I'm sure you can imagine there has been many stages to this.

My absent father was delivered to my doorstep on Christmas day 2018 having been found wandering the streets and highly confused. I was 29 at the time and unsure what to do I took him to A and E kings college hospital and after two months he was diagnosed with Korsakiffs syndrome.

We managed to get him in a home in his borough but he soon showed inappropriate behaviour towards a female resident, the police were involved by the family in question didn't want to press charges. He was moved home to another borough where the same thing happened, this time the family wanted to press charges but neither my father nor the female resident could remember the incident so nothing could come from it. He was moved again to a specialist unit which deals with his Syndrome. He started showing the same behaviour again and is now requiring 24/7 one on one care. My mother who hasn't been with him for over 10 years is now footing a bill that is coming to £15,000 a month! I'm sure you can understand this is not sustainable and is causing us all a huge amount of stress. we really have no idea what to do next as we cant afford this long term and no one seems to be able to help us.

Does anyone know of any care homes in the south west that have Male only units?

Can anyone advise us on who can help us, we really don't know what to do and no one seems to be able to help.

 

[DesperateofDevon]

Hi There,

I hope you can help me, I will try and keep this short as I'm sure you can imagine there has been many stages to this.

My absent father was delivered to my doorstep on Christmas day 2018 having been found wandering the streets and highly confused. I was 29 at the time and unsure what to do I took him to A and E kings college hospital and after two months he was diagnosed with Korsakiffs syndrome.

We managed to get him in a home in his borough but he soon showed inappropriate behaviour towards a female resident, the police were involved by the family in question didn't want to press charges. He was moved home to another borough where the same thing happened, this time the family wanted to press charges but neither my father nor the female resident could remember the incident so nothing could come from it. He was moved again to a specialist unit which deals with his Syndrome. He started showing the same behaviour again and is now requiring 24/7 one on one care. My mother who hasn't been with him for over 10 years is now footing a bill that is coming to £15,000 a month! I'm sure you can understand this is not sustainable and is causing us all a huge amount of stress. we really have no idea what to do next as we cant afford this long term and no one seems to be able to help us.

Does anyone know of any care homes in the south west that have Male only units?

Can anyone advise us on who can help us, we really don't know what to do and no one seems to be able to help.

call adult social services & ask for a needs assessment
Ask for a joint agency meeting about a care plan. Ask for social services to provide an emergency 12 week placement & this will give you a chance to get more advice.

Ring advice lines & email DRs involved in his care & diagnosis. Paper trails are very helpful.

good luck & let us know what the outcome is

 

[Banjomansmate]

The local dementia nursing home near me said they had a designated floor for male residents like that, so they are out there.

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Clare. S
a warm welcome to DTP
so sorry to read of your father's situation … what a worry for you and your mother

I don't understand why your mother is paying for any of your father's care … either the care should be funded from his finances only or he should be at least partly funded by the LA, or possibly, if he is sectioned through other means …. but not by her, unless she agreed to pay third party top-up fees, which she can cease

your dad should have had a care needs assessment from his Local Authority Adult Services and a care package put in place; clearly for him residential care is necessary … the LA then have the Duty of Care to ensure that the level of care he needs is being met, so contact them and tell them of all these problems
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/assessment-care-support-england
indeed, if your father is assessed as needing residential care, the LA legally have to offer at least one placement that can satisfactorily meet his needs

after the assessment of care needs, a financial assessment should have been carried out based on your father's income and assets ALONE (Plus half of any joint savings if there are any)
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/who-pays-care

you may find that Admiral Nurses can offer some support
https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/dementia-helpline-alzheimers-helpline/

and there's the AS Demantia Helpline
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/national-dementia-helpline

for info on care homes
https://www.carehome.co.uk/

 

[nitram]

Your estranged mother footing £180k care bill a year is clearly unacceptable.
Any self funding payment should come from his finances.
His Local Authority have a legal duty to ensure he is adequately cared for.
They have to find a placement.
They may ask for a top up if the cost is above their tariff.
Any top up is optional but should be nothing like the figure you quoted.

Hard as it may seem the best option maybe for your mother to stop paying and let the 'system' take over. The 'system' sometimes has to be triggered into action by a crisis.

 

[joeylou]

Hello @Clare. S
I have sent you direct message

 

[Clare. S]

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[Clare. S]

Thanks for this advice. I appreciate what you are saying, perhaps that will have to be our last resort. Its so hard to know what to do in this situation, we all just want the best for him. Thanks again

 

[Clare. S]

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[Clare. S]

[Q

 

[Clare. S]

The local dementia nursing home near me said they had a designated floor for male residents like that, so they are out there.

Thanks for this, we are really struggling to find one although we hear rumours they exist! don't suppose you could let us know the name of that one, if its not in our area they might know one nearby. many thanks.

 

[Clare. S]

Your estranged mother footing £180k care bill a year is clearly unacceptable.
Any self funding payment should come from his finances.
His Local Authority have a legal duty to ensure he is adequately cared for.
They have to find a placement.
They may ask for a top up if the cost is above their tariff.
Any top up is optional but should be nothing like the figure you quoted.

Hard as it may seem the best option maybe for your mother to stop paying and let the 'system' take over. The 'system' sometimes has to be triggered into action by a crisis.

Thanks for this advice. I appreciate what you are saying, perhaps that will have to be our last resort. Its so hard to know what to do in this situation, we all just want the best for him. Thanks again

 

[DesperateofDevon]

Your estranged mother footing £180k care bill a year is clearly unacceptable.
Any self funding payment should come from his finances.
His Local Authority have a legal duty to ensure he is adequately cared for.
They have to find a placement.
They may ask for a top up if the cost is above their tariff.
Any top up is optional but should be nothing like the figure you quoted.

Hard as it may seem the best option maybe for your mother to stop paying and let the 'system' take over. The 'system' sometimes has to be triggered into action by a crisis.

hi @nitram
Don’t suppose you have any information on local authority & adequate duty of care being given by care home?

 

[Clare. S]

hello @Clare. S
a warm welcome to DTP
so sorry to read of your father's situation … what a worry for you and your mother

I don't understand why your mother is paying for any of your father's care … either the care should be funded from his finances only or he should be at least partly funded by the LA, or possibly, if he is sectioned through other means …. but not by her, unless she agreed to pay third party top-up fees, which she can cease

your dad should have had a care needs assessment from his Local Authority Adult Services and a care package put in place; clearly for him residential care is necessary … the LA then have the Duty of Care to ensure that the level of care he needs is being met, so contact them and tell them of all these problems

Thank you So much for all this information. We will be sure to look into it ASAP. Much appreciated

 

[nitram]

My mother who hasn't been with him for over 10 years is now footing a bill that is coming to £15,000 a month!

As I said this voluntary funding is probably unsustainable

His Local Authority have a legal duty to ensure he is adequately cared for.
They have to find a placement.

Don’t suppose you have any information on local authority & adequate duty of care being given by care home?

No, just stop the payments and see what happens.

 

[Banjomansmate]

Thanks for this, we are really struggling to find one although we hear rumours they exist! don't suppose you could let us know the name of that one, if its not in our area they might know one nearby. many thanks.

Two Care homes in Dorset and one in Plymouth, Devon, so probably not much help to you, i’m afraid.

 

[DesperateofDevon]

As I said this voluntary funding is probably unsustainable





No, just stop the payments and see what happens.

we only pay a small contribution to top up so not sure that they’d worry about it!

 

[Clare. S]

Two Care homes in Dorset and one in Plymouth, Devon, so probably not much help to you, i’m afraid.

That would actually be of use as we are based in Somerset. It was just my dad who lived in London. His third home is actually down this way so we would like to keep him in the area as much easier for us to visit. If you do have any names of homes that would be much appreciated.

 

[DesperateofDevon]

That would actually be of use as we are based in Somerset. It was just my dad who lived in London. His third home is actually down this way so we would like to keep him in the area as much easier for us to visit. If you do have any names of homes that would be much appreciated.

Good luck my lovely, it’s heartbreaking at times I know. Keep posting have no words of advice just sending (((((((hugs))))))) to let you know that others are here for you as & when you need
X

 

[Banjomansmate]

That would actually be of use as we are based in Somerset. It was just my dad who lived in London. His third home is actually down this way so we would like to keep him in the area as much easier for us to visit. If you do have any names of homes that would be much appreciated.

Hopefully I have sent you info. in a conversation.