Hi all, just an update. Mum was discharged back from hospital to the care home last Tuesday and it has been pretty rough. Immobile, incoherent, relying on help for all personal care and feeding, it's a pretty weird experience feeding your own mother!
Today was a little better, she had just seen a physio and had been bathed and had her nails done and was enjoying a coffee and some chocolate. Managed a joke with her that her birthday was coming up soon and suggested a car day at Brands Hatch (black humour obviously). She smiled and said "as long as it's in Concorde" (she designed Concord's windows back in the day)
So all good'ish,,,,,not! As we were leaving the Nurse said that the GP had just phoned and stated that mum's bloods had come back and she was showing kidney failure (probably the cause of the electrolyte imbalance) and he wanted to rush her back to hospital. We then sat down with the Nurse and Care Home Manager to discuss mums wishes as laid out in the Lasting Power of Attorney. We then spoke to the GP and it has been decided that it would be better for mum to just receive palliative care at the care home rather than send her back to hospital where she always deteriorates. They obviously can't cure it, just possibly control it, and it became evident that she would just be going to and fro hospital with a dementia drop each time. Everyone seems to agree and it is in black and white in the LPA but my sister and I almost feel like we have just signed her death warrant but at the same time don't want to see her suffer anymore.
Not sure on the prognosis of kidney failure but I was told she had dropped from 60 to 30 and looking at Google I assume that is Moderate CKD (GFR = 30-44 mL/min). I just cannot believe that she was living at home back in April!!
Wondering if anyone had been through this tug of emotions?
Snap!
Dad in care home & I’m sorting out palliative care at this very time. Talking about not giving certain meds as they can’t be crushed & he is in acute kidney & liver failure.
Mum booked in locally to myself & Dad for respite care for a week. Mum is in stage two kidney failure & has just received diagnosis of late to end stage mixed dementia only a week ago today.
It’s almost a race to the finish line between them, but by sheer grit & determination I know Mum will be coming in second.
At the moment the practicalities of sorting out extra care, & being the liaison point co - ordinating all the separate agencies keeps me busy.
I am also enjoying being their daughter & not their carer. Yes I feed Dad at meal times, but it’s optional not expected & I find it precious time together.
Having Mum close for a week will be lovely as will being a daughter again spending time together & making sure Mums last “hurrah” is memorable for all the right reasons & beneficial to her wellbeing.
Dignity, peaceful & pain free has been my goal all the way along, I hope to achieve an easy transition for Mum & Dad, all I can do is hold their hands & cuddle them so they know they are not alone on this journey.
I come away & sob for a while in the privacy of my car; but now isn’t the time for me. These precious moments will soon be over......so I’m making beautiful memories that I will treasure. With almost every person in my parents care trying to help me , some more than others ,I am able to cope ( not well at times but much better now) with the double whammy dementia has presented.
Life isn’t perfect but by doing my best I will hope to have no regrets.