Just when you think the situation can’t get anymore ridiculous........ it does!
So warning - I am going to vent .... but it does end on a somewhat positive note(ish)
Went to collect Aged Mother from respite home, to visit Dad in his care home. Had told staff & Mother 10am, she’s a late riser if left to her own devices. Mother sat up in bed like the Queen Mum happy as Larry!
Result!!
Lovely staff said go have coffee & pastries
downstairs & we will bring her down to you, showered & smartly dressed & escorted by a charming member of staff!
All good so far.....
Off we go to Dads care home..... get there to find Dad sat in a lounge with his head bent down towards his knees sleeping in an upright chair. Okay.... wake him up & ask senior staff member if Dad could be helped into his room as Mum & Dad haven’t seen each other since May. ( not my choice Mum to I’ll to travel & has been in hospital!)
The stale stench in the lounge came with Dad, umm maybe he’s farting? So he gets seated & my Mum wants to sit & cuddle him on the bed.
Go back get senior staff member can you help Dad onto the bed to sit next to myMum please?
So she gets a dining chair so mum can sit next to Dad, ok.... I put a thick throw onto it to make it comfortable for Mum.
The stench grows stronger & we say nothing just open the window further & get the reefs from the diffuser & turn them upside down.
Dads loo doesn’t flush so maybe that’s it?
Poor Dad says to me .. I think I need the toilet!! He’s doubly incontinent, I have never seen my Dad naked & he wouldn’t want me to tend to his needs, my Aged mother wouldn’t allow that anyway!
So off I go & bless same senior member of staff- she must hate the sight of me takes Dad to the non flushing en-suite loo!!
Obviously it’s a big job ( pardon the pun) almost 20 minutes later Dad & carer emerge!
With evidence !!! I watch along with everyone else the loo being fiddled with ( no flush !) & thank this member of staff for the assistance.
So Mum says why hasn’t he shaved & apparently he doesn’t want to is the reply.
Okay....
Mum & Dad hold hands & he just sags headfirst in the chair eyes closed. So I adjust a cushion & him to a more comfortable position, the smell is still overwhelming. Window open as wide as possible & the door wedged opened.
A community nurse walks by & I think ah-ha! I will ask her about the hospital bed as discussed on Monday by the GP. Apparently it’s down to the home matron, not the district nurse as I was told on Wednesday!
So what about CHC funding, as Dad was assessed on Monday as needing 2 carers to get him in & out of bed etc?
Again this should be instigated by the home matron!
So who authorises tablets to be crushed when you can’t swallow properly.?.....
who puts in the care plan that bed rest required as agreed with GP on Monday as degenerative spine & shoulder issues not helped by falling asleep in chair with head almost touching knees?......
So let’s go back to Tuesday & I’m unable to get in to see Dad as I spend the day trying to get respite care for Mum- (having been told on Monday with my daughter present that Dads kidneys are failing as shown in the bloods taken on Monday by district nurse & the Dr who came out later because of those results!! ) so I ring the home & speak to the matron asking how Dad is & explaining Monday’s diagnosis & his needs.
I’m a little confused as matron told me that Dad didn’t need a hospital bed etc & I asked her to read Dads notes.... then I’m told that the room he’s been moved to with the non- flushing toilet isn’t big enough without moving furniture around to have a hospital bed in.
I ask if they are happy to then provide 2 carers to assist if that’s the case, & wasn’t informed this would be an issue!
Wednesday Dads in a wheelchair at dining table with full plate of food infront of him. ( he’s been downstairs to have his hair cut & is showered & shaved & smart ( ex fleet air arm so was very precise on dress etc) His hands are in his lap, juice untouched, so I try & get him to eat mashed potatoes- same problem as Sunday Monday etc, difficulty chewing & swallowing reflex very poor. Pudding plate sits infront & a carer encourages him to eat some. I really don’t want to be seen as taking over, after all these are the professionals... but I offer to feed him & that help is accepted
So yet again it’s feeding him pudding , soft mousse & lots of encouragement to get him to swallow. He can’t work out how to feed himself, yet I’m assured he’s eating well.....
Then he astounds me by picking up the cup of tea & sipping it.... so obviously this is fluctuating as previously stated by other carers & also witnessed by myself.
His head goes down onto his chest & I ask him if he would like a sleep- yes
So off to his room & I try & put him into bed, his cries of pain mean I stop straight away &get help. 2 carers & it’s done quickly transfer from wheelchair to bed.
So teatime on Wednesday he can’t swallow his tablets again, I ask if they can be crushed, no you need DRs authorisation to do that. Ok I will get that sorted, along with request for District nurse to authorise bed - as staff tell me it’s needed & they are struggling. Also had chat with a lovely senior member of staff who tells me that pain meds in patch forms will be used tonight, & Dad has reached CHC level, & I need to notify the GP. Same member of staff states it’s not in Dads best interests to keep giving him certain meds as his taste buds no longer registers savoury foods & he refused them & he only eats sweet puddings therefore the tablets are pointless.
I agree with Dads recent diagnosis that if he wants to mainline ice cream & mousse
that’s fine with me & we go over Dads TEP
form & his wishes.
Thursday travel all day to get Aged mother up for respite care, so she can see Dad.
So Friday not the best visit to Dad, but the community nurse says the district nurse is in the building & would I explain to her our conversation.
So I do ... oh we will do our paperwork & pop up to speak to you before we go!
Okay...
upshot mother decides at 12:10 she wants to leave... so pop down & tell district nurse & community nurse that I will catch up with them again- oh no they say we will come up!
So into Dads still unpleasantly fragrant room is Mum, Dad, community nurse, district nurse, senior member of staff, me & my support worker ( I can’t manage mother on my own with my own disabilities!)
This senior member of staff told the district nurses I’m a liar, my Dad can walk, feed himself alone, doesn’t have swallowing issues, can use the toilet ( um the smell states otherwise! )& I don’t know what I’m talking about.
I politely say I’m sorry & list the above issues, so thinking we could discuss care etc. No I’m a liar!
She believably rattles off what my Dad does & did on Wednesday & says I don’t know what I’m talking about - she will get a plate of food & Dad will eat it!
Good idea I say...
so district nurses thank the senior member of staff - after asking to see non existent SALT report or O/T report.
I excuse myself - in tears & find a quiet corner to sob in. Thankfully an experienced senior miner of staff saw me & told me to get back in their & fight for what your Dad needs!
I went back in & said I’m not lying & please could they speak to this member of staff.
So folks this lovely person has spoken out & stated that Dads unable to walk, feed himself, needs the hospital bed he previously had in his old room & requires a soft diet & should have been on one when he went into the care home! Also needs extra care & not be left in a chair !!
This same person has been assaulted by Dad & spoke to me about it & told me of other instances!
Not the best of days!!
So sad for Mum & Dad to witness this.
I now feel like I am unwelcome in the care home - because I tried to be supportive of staff & asked what I can do to help?
Thank goodness my support worker was with me on Wednesday & today as she was able to tell the district nurses that I was telling the truth- when I left the room in tears!
district nurse will investigate & get back to me next week!
Life isn’t meant to be like this...... & sadly just a few individuals can make it totally unpleasant
I now know why my Dad had previously taken against this senior member of staff but had dismissed it as dementia talking; but the recent departure of good staff since this seniors appointment have me wondering!
I’m not a happy bunny!